meditation and "social anxiety"

i have/had what doctors would describe as social anxiety, which is how i used to describe it as well. i now realize, through meditation, that this is not the real me. my true nature, my buddha nature, is comfortable and natural in any and all situations, social or otherwise. i haven't been meditating for very long, but i do see this clearly. however, it is still hard for me to break all the way through. it is hard for me to actualize my buddha nature everywhere i go, with everyone i meet. sometimes the fear and self-doubt creep in and i feel once again like i am socially retarded. like i can not get close to people.
so i have some sort of question, though i'm not sure exactly how to phrase it or even what it is. ok...why the "social anxiety"? why is that my weakness? is it a guard to keep people away because i'm afraid of close connections? or is it just that it is my chosen illusion of self, the image of me that i cling to because it's familiar, even though it's self-destructive? is it the way i was raised? is it inescapable?
the strange thing is, when i'm not fearful with people, i'm incredibly connected to them. it's as though i'm either completely one with them, or completely separate and afraid. i read in a book about buddhism that if you want to find your greatest weakness, just look at your greatest strength. it's very strange but it seems true. does this mean that this weakness will always be with me? can i ever become the side of me that is at one with people, that feels great compassion and no fear, only love?
all right. any words from anyone would be very kindly appreciated. thank you for listening.

 

The ugly truth is that civilization sucks.

You have to become good at weeding out what you want as opposed to what you don't. You're still going to get slopped on once and a while and you need to figure this into your gameplan.

I'm something of a hermit. Not that I hate the outside world, but because there is so little of it I can identify with. You most likely fear the unknown at your age. Lots of things changing. Its hard to feel like you're on solid ground sometimes. Go explore it. You've got plenty of time to sit in your comfort zone when you're older.

Embrace life. And once you find your place within it, it will flow like water.



x

 

thanks for your input, i appreciate it. i sometimes feel the same way, like i can't identify with the outside world. i think it's more that i can't identify with the society i live in. it seems so unnatural to me, like it's not conducive to being human.
i was noticing something today about what i feel my problems are, with people. i was sitting around with my sister and some of her friends, and i realized that when i'm with people this is what we are usually doing. sitting around. not doing anything in particular. and that's fine, but it makes me feel tremendous pressure. when you're not doing anything, the feeling is that you have to be saying things. i guess it just feels pointless somehow. and when i don't see a point to something i have a hard time being a part of it. so is this a cultural thing? because american kids just "hang out" a lot of the time, and it feels unnatural to me. i feel like if we were all actually doing something together it would make more sense. and i don't really mean bowling or going to a movie or anything like that. but i'm not sure what i do mean. i'm not sure what we could all be doing together that would give it a sense of purpose and meaning. maybe i'm thinking something along the lines of making music. all of us coming together for a singular cause.
ok i'm done going on now. it just helps make things clearer when i hear someone else's thoughts on these things. so if anyone has anymore input..

 

Maybe these will help?

A distraught man approached the Zen master. "Please, Master, I feel lost, desperate. I don't know who I am. Please, show me my true self!" But the teacher just looked away without responding. The man began to plead and beg, but still the master gave no reply. Finally giving up in frustration, the man turned to leave. At that moment the master called out to him by name. "Yes!" the man said as he spun back around. "There it is!" exclaimed the master.

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Two traveling monks reached a river where they met a young woman. Wary of the current, she asked if they could carry her across. One of the monks hesitated, but the other quickly picked her up onto his shoulders, transported her across the water, and put her down on the other bank. She thanked him and departed.

As the monks continued on their way, the one was brooding and preoccupied. Unable to hold his silence, he spoke out. "Brother, our spiritual training teaches us to avoid any contact with women, but you picked that one up on your shoulders and carried her!"

"Brother," the second monk replied, "I set her down on the other side, while you are still carrying her."

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A Tibetan story tells of a meditation student who, while meditating in his room, believed he saw a spider descending in front of him. Each day the menacing creature returned, growing larger and larger each time. So frightened was the student, that he went to his teacher to report his dilemma. He said he planned to place a knife in his lap during meditation, so when the spider appeared he would kill it. The teacher advised him against this plan. Instead, he suggested, bring a piece of chalk to meditation, and when the spider appeared, mark an "X" on its belly. Then report back.

The student returned to his meditation. When the spider again appeared, he resisted the urge to attack it, and instead did just what the master suggested. When he later reported back to the master, the teacher told him to lift up his shirt and look at his own belly. There was the "X".

 

"Two traveling monks reached a river where they met a young woman. Wary of the current, she asked if they could carry her across. One of the monks hesitated, but the other quickly picked her up onto his shoulders, transported her across the water, and put her down on the other bank. She thanked him and departed.

As the monks continued on their way, the one was brooding and preoccupied. Unable to hold his silence, he spoke out. "Brother, our spiritual training teaches us to avoid any contact with women, but you picked that one up on your shoulders and carried her!"

"Brother," the second monk replied, "I set her down on the other side, while you are still carrying her."


An oldie but a goodie. Wish I had a nickel for everytime I've posted it online over the years.



x

 

The whole world has social anxiety, which is why we rape, pillage and exploit, all the while praising our own clique. At least you are shy which means you can be better. Who does not have social anxiety, bullies and jocks.

I used to know a girl who would literally melt under anyone's glance. She stuttered, muttered, and was nearly mute in her fear. But as she got older and as she experienced more she came out of her shell naturally.

Life and age have a way of solving all our problems (and giving us new ones). So be patient. That's all.

You can still be social with your pets, family, and nature and most other things. Try that.

Just because we see people being social and we think, that looks like so much fun doesn't mean it is. In fact, the 'cool' people are generally even more insecure than the 'uncool' people.


So be natural. You are a product of nature. Respect that, respect yourself. Be easy. Don't judge yourself. Don't judge others. Play.

Play.

 

Social anxiety exists in everyone to some degree. Without any anxiety, you would be feeling perfect peace and limitless happiness. The more anxiety you feel, the less happy you are. As far as feeling connected with people, in reality the seperate individual you does not exist. Only the you that is one with everyone exists.

See this site on Finding Happiness in an Unhappy World to see what top psychologists have found about being happy and how they know that people can feel one with the universe. Here is a quote from that site: Wikipedia says, under Yoga Philosophy, "In all branches of yoga, the ultimate goal is the attainment of an eternal state of perfect consciousness."

 

how am i one with everyone? i know this is an important part of buddhism and on some level i have always strongly believed it. but i don't know why.

what makes me one with everyone? is it the simple fact that we are all alive and human? is it that we all share the same inner light, buddha nature, whatever you want to call it? is it that we all struggle? what is it?

 

all of the above and more. i like to imagine what it would be like to be a primitive human, living in the wild. what would it be like to come across another human after being alone in the wild for awhile? i imagine my first reaction would be fascination. i'd watch the other human from the bushes, try to figure out what kind of creature s/he is. i'd have a strong desire to draw closer, but first i'd want to make sure it was safe. who knows, maybe this other creature would be violent...would try to kill me? but my strong desire to be close to this other human would eventually overcome my fears and i would approach, being careful to appear non-threatening...but i would be poised to run if there was any sign of hostility. perhaps the other human would be so startled by my presence that s/he would scream, jump back, pick up a stick in self-defense. perhaps it would take some time and a determined effort on my part to be non-threatening to reassure him/her that i'm not a threat. perhaps we would both retreat to the bushes for awhile and peek out at each other before we would eventually get comfortable with the presence of another human and venture slowly forward. perhaps for awhile we would just look at each other, call out to each other. gradually we would shuffle closer and closer, our curiousity pulling us together. eventually the time would come that we would be right next to each other, and that one of us would reach out an upturned palm...and the other would reach back and touch. after awhile we would be sitting there with our arms wrapped around each other, warm in each others' embrace, looking out at the world...together.