Problem with my girlfriend

yes that's me on the left and on the right is my girlfriend.

Okay, me and my girlfriend have been going out for coming up on 6 months. Our relationship started out great, but we know each other to a near full extent, and we have almost dumped each other. We love each other I do for sure love her at least I think she loves me just as much as I do, but theres 2 things I can think of that is making this relationship so difficult. I have done so much for this girl to make her happy and she even admitted that she has taken it for granted. I went to a cabin for a week straight and there was no electricity at this place, and had bats bears and huge spiders. I slept on the hardwood floor on next to her in this man made cabin because there were bats upstairs. We have completely different views on everything! I like to ride crazy roller coasters.. she doesn't she gets nausea. I like to do some drugs she doesn't like drugs at all (im just talking little things like weed and alcohol). I like video games she doesn't, she's a republican I personally don't give a shit about politics and decide to stay away from it because my vote doesn't make that huge of a difference. I also spent lots of money on presents for our 6 months, about 162 bucks in jewelry from juicy couture, i really don't want to return it. She knows most of my family, and my family has even already bought her christmas presents and she is going to go with me to visit family on christmas. She is also controlling I can't stand that but put up with it because I love her.

I have came close to dumping her but I just can't because I love her and I fear that if I do that I will be alone and regret it. I don't know what to do I just told her how I felt and she will reply to it tommorow.

A perfect example of how our relationship is like is.. if you've ever seen knocked up the girl who gets knocked up's sister and husband is just like me and my girlfriend. Towards the end of the movie she (the girlfriend) says to Ben the main character "I don't want to be like them, they struggle everyday in there relationship because they have nothing in common. I don't want to force you to be something your not" I told her that's how I feel and she asked me what I meant by that in the sense of like she was getting prepared to be dumped.

I need some opinions, and thoughts that could help our relationship or at least help me decide what to do at this point.

I also asked her to smoke with me and she told me no and I even got my friends to try and get her to do it so we could develop something in common. In my head this was sort of a metaphorical analysis to see if she was willing to go the distance of doing something she didn't want to do to make me happy.

 

I don't know about the other things that you've written about, but I will comment about the "trying to get her to smoke with you" comment. It sounds like your girlfriend has a good head on her shoulders to me. I wouldn't get upset because she refused to smoke with you, I think it's a good thing. No one should compromise their beliefs just for a relationship. Just because you smoke doesn't mean that she should have to smoke just to make you happy. Would you consider becoming a republican just because she's one??? Almost every couple have their differences, sometimes that's what makes the relationship work. If you try to force her into things that YOU KNOW that she doesn't want to do, then you probably aren't meant for each other to begin with.

 

I am a man, you i question. Yes it was a question.

 

youre trying to make her do illegal drugs she has no interest in so that you two can gain common ground?

jesus, thats just fucking retarded

seriously, if you two want to make it work you will. if one of you gives up on the relationship, the whole relationship is fucked

 

oh weed isn't even that bad it's not like I'm asking her to do heroin. I told her that and she understood. And it's not like I want her to smoke away her life or even do it more then once. It was just she gives me shit for doing it, when she goes by stereotypes when she has no clue about what effects the drug really has.

I gave up on trying to get her to smoke anyways. Because I thought about it and I don't want to force her to be something she's not.

 

it's hard to me to feel sorry for a republican, lol...but you really sound like you've got unrealistic expectations. i really don't think you appreciate what you have and you've got your eye on the exit door. by the way, i've noticed that people tend to be controlling with irresponsible people because it's the only way to keep them from screwing up your life. not sure if that applies here or not, that's for you to judge.

 

I see what you mean by trying to gain some common ground by getting her to smoke.. but i woudln't get too put of by the fact that she refused... i mean.. try to think of something other than weed on which to gain common ground because the decision to alter your mind is quite a big leap compared to some other things you could try.

 

hey instead of your me me me attitude look at her side of things, and try to have something in common then

 

My husband loves golf, but I think it ruins a good walk. My husband loves horror movies, I would rather watch a good drama. My husband enjoys video games, I would rather read a book. He is a democrat, but I am republican. Blah blah blah....Yeah, we are different. It works because we don't try to infringe on each other by thinking "I like it so you have to!" We do have some common interests, and genuinely enjoy each other's company. That is what makes our relationship work. We WANT to be with each other.

The "it's not like I asked her to do heroin" is a bad comparison. Her stereotype of pot smoking is the one she is going to have until she wants it to change, and that's perfectly acceptable. I have known smokers who are the stereotypical vegged-out couch potato playing video games, and laughing at stupid jokes. I have also known smokers that unless you saw them light up you would never have a clue they smoked. There are both types out there. So, her opinion is not completely invalid. She shouldn't have to spark a joint to understand your perspective. If she gives you a hard time, well maybe she isn't "the one" for you.


Life is too damned short to stay with someone because you are worried about being alone. If you really think that you can find someone that "fits" you better then do it. I am sure she doesn't want to be with a man that doesn't WANT to be with her.

 

Have more sex.
Everyone likes sex right?

 

actually, that's not true. some people do not like sex.

 

You're an imbecile. She didn't smoke your dope because it's not something she chooses to make a part of her life. 'My girlfriend won't smoke this joint with me so she obviously metaphorically wants me to be miserable with her.' Grow up.

Weed just kinda made me feel giggle-y and light headed for an hour or so. That's SO complex.
You want to have something in common with her, but you don't need her to do it more than once? It sounds to me like you think if she does it she'll have no right to give you shit, eh? She said no once, it sounds like she meant it.



I'd say it's time for her to move on and find someone that appreciates her for who and what she is and doesn't try to make her smoke weed just to have something in common with them.

 

The thing is that even if you have different interests you should still accept each other.. you can not change anyone. She should accept that you like roller coasters and drugs and you should accept who she is, if you really love each other. Do not stay with her just because you're afraid of being alone... thats really silly. Would you really wanna be miserable and spend the rest of your life with someone you don't click with or take the chance to be alone and find someone better for you?

 

People in this forum are hilarious.

"She needs to accept that I like drugz, man."

Its fucking hilarious that people don't think of drugs as a bad thing. Now I used to do lots of coke, but at least I acted like it was a bad thing. I was ashamed of it. When the ultimatum comes, and you're willing to pick a drug over a chick, well you're fucked in the head or addicted.

Also; being a burnt out stoner isn't anything to be proud of, much less anything to base your life around.

 

I mean if people are doing drugs that aren't harmful and know when to limit themselves I don't see the big deal. Every human craves release and thats why people do drugs. I see weed as one of the safest drugs, he was talking about doing weed and thats it, so thats all I was talking about.

I mean if someone is doing heroin or coke or addicted to a really bad thing like that then thats when you step in of course! When its harming someone thats the problem... catch my drift?

My boyfriend likes drugs but he doesn't do anything thats gonna kill him and he knows his limits... sometimes he does drugs I wouldn't do but I know he's not a dumbass so I'm not going to be a control freak... I think its dumb when people's companions try to make them stop doing what they like to do, unless its hurting them.

I see your point though, of course its dumb to pick a drug over a relationship but people should accept you for who you are and what you enjoy for the most part. I don't know..

 

You missed my point; if who you are is that attached to weed that strong, then who you are is lame to begin with.

 

Never found a reason to argue with you Spooner but...

There is nothing wrong with smoking weed responsibly. It doesn't turn intelligent people into burn-out stoner whatever's. In a responsible intelligent adult's hands...there's not a damn thing wrong with smoking weed.

And coke is irrelevant here.

 

But significant others shouldn't try to control what you enjoy. I know people who smoke occasionally, they're not burnt out stoners, and then they say they have to quit cuz their boyfriend or girlfriend won't let them smoke... I think thats pretty dumb.

But yeah we're getting off topic here...

 

I decided to not dump her because value her so damn much and I love her, the only problem is she's so controlling with things I enjoy (i.e. I want to try magic mushrooms before I die once, she responds with "If you do them i'll break up with you", and I finally got it out of her why because she thinks it gives her a bad reputation of dating a druggy and thinks I can die which would not happen) and is hypocritical with lots of things but I am 100% sure that is common in a relationship. The real reason I wanted her to try smoking, was because this girl will drink because it's legal, she won't do marijuana because it's illegal. I think eventually she might try it, but until she volunteers I am not asking her to do it. I also thought of why I wanted her to do it, my father was and is a alcoholic and an addict but is in AA and has stayed sober for along time. I have tried alcohol but always would rather do an alternate because of a family history of addiction. So I obviously feel 100% more comfortable with psychedelics, they are not addicting and I cannot OD on them. Unlike alcohol I can die from drinking too much or get addicted.

Spooner, cocaine is not comparable to weed in any way besides the fact that it is a 'drug'. I am not a little coke fiend who feels bad about doing drugs, so don't even try and compare it. I smoke responsibly and the most I have ever done is 4 times in a day once, and max 2 times a week twice. I can retire from it easily. Burnt out stoners are people who smoke all day, everyday, every week, every month. I usually smoke either every 2 months, or month.

and moon flower based off your description of you trying it i'd say your either lying or didn't have anything but placebo effects most people dont get high there first time. That sounds like what you expect from it just to get giggly and get stupid. It makes you giggly yes but it's much more then that. It increases your senses, and helps you analyze your life and surroundings, and also lets you have a fun time, it does not distort judgment or make you slur your speach or make you stay up for days.

 

Well maybe you guys can work things out. But yeah thats the problem, people are raised to believe that illegal drugs are extremely dangerous, and while thats true in some cases, its not true for all drugs. And alcohol is one of the most dangerous drugs, and statistics can show you that. Maybe you should show her some research or something about weed and shrooms.. she's probably just worried about you.. otherwise she is a control freak and hopefully thats not the case. Well good luck with it all