Looking for a GLBT perspective...

I'm hoping some of you will be able to help me figure out what might be the best thing for me to do in this situation I'm in. I'm not gay and I feel like it would help if I could get a perspective from someone who is.

My best friend (I'll call her Melissa) is openly bisexual. I don't have a problem with this at all. I've never once in our 4 years of friendship indicated to her that I had feelings for her or anything like that.

Recently I went home and visited some friends, one of whom told me that she's gay. When I saw Melissa again I casually mentioned that I was happy my friend had finally figured everything out, meaning that I was happy for her. Melissa didn't really say anything, but later that night she texted me asking, "So you like girls, too?" This wasn't the first time recently that she'd asked me this, and to be honest I was a little upset because I'm tired of having to defend my sexuality to her. I'm only attracted to men, and that's just the way I am. I responded calmly that no, I don't. However, instead of just saying, "Ok." she went on to proclaim all the wonderful things about being with a woman, and to me her tone was implying that I was being close minded and limiting myself. This really upset me because I'm anything but close minded. I wish I could be attracted to girls so I could understand where she's coming from, but I can't help that I'm only attracted to men. I guess I felt like she was saying I should change my sexuality and it upset me. When I told her this, she flew off the handle (which is a really strange reaction for her) and got really weird. I couldn't believe we were actually fighting about this! At some point I yelled at her, "Melissa I'm not into girls, I'm just not!" and she got really weird again and responded with, "sometimes I wonder... sometimes I hope." Then she didn't say anything else for the rest of the night.

I took her comment to mean that she sometimes hopes maybe I am into girls. I talked to a few friends and they all said that they've thought at different times that she acts like she likes me. I guess I just never noticed? Looking back, I think they're probably right. There are several occasions that she definately could have been trying to make a move and I just naively brushed it off as my friend being silly.

The reason I'm posting this is.... now I'm not sure what to do? If everyone is right and my best friend has feelings for me, is this something I need to talk to her about? Do I just forget about it? There's no way I'd ever be attracted to her, let alone want to be with her. I don't want to bring it up if it's only going to be uncomfortable and put an unnecessary strain on our friendship. At the same time, I don't want to be giving her the wrong idea or anything like that.

I've talked to a few straight friends but they all say different things. I'm pretty sure from things she's said and things I know about her that Melissa is probably a lesbian who is just still coming to terms with it and figuring it all out. Because I know she's confused, I'm even more nervous about making the right decision. I wish I could ask one of my gay or lesbian friends for advice but they are all our mutual friends and I don't want this getting back to her the wrong way.

So... what do you guys think? I'd really appreciate any input or advice you could give me!

 

It sounds like your friend does have a crush on you. If you have made it adamant to her that you are only interested in men, then it is her only hoping, like she commented to you. If you want to discuss it with her then bring up the situation, not what you think it may be even though you are probably right. It's hard to control feelings - for you and her. If your friend respects you as a person in any way, she will not try to "convert" you.