Sex is unpleasant for me

you are a waste of my time sister, have fun dealing with yourself,,,, it should prove to be quite miserable if you continue through life as you are...

 

i'm not sure if you read the link i sent earlier. does it sound like you're experiencing something like this?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus

 

No, I can be penetrated. Sex is just rather unpleasant, mild discomfort and if not that I don't feel any pleasure at all.

 

Aw im so sorry. Maybe its a genetoic inheritence. You could speak to your doctor about it. They will tell you excatly no doubt.

 

Sounds mental to me.It all starts in the mind.Maybe sub-conscious repression.Or get a better lover.And I don't think it much matters what you say you want or are interested in,when sub-conscious forces are odds with your conscious mind.Dig deeper --

 

anyone that reads this thread through would have to agree. i applaud you scratcho.

i was going to suggest the same thing,however ive already been severely scorned for my last suggestion (even tho she had no idea what i was talking about and accused me of implying something that wasnt even remotely there in my posts)so i felt i wouldnt...

well since im here,a question along those same lines.

rasberry,i was wondering if you are on any psych meds,as many tend to inhibit the pleasure of sex.

 

This person doesnt want any help they've shot down every idea given to them, and to the origional poster I say this: ha ha ha you cant have an orgasm.

 

I am not on any meds.

And I can have orgasms--clitoral and plenty of them.

 

By yourself or with help?

 

By myself and with a partner. I orgasm with a vibrator and through oral sex.

 

Interesting.Well,not being a therapist,I'm at a loss for words on this.I'm still leaning towards something that is repressed that you can't bring to the conscious mind.How was the household in which you were raised?Was sex something that could be talked about?Were those you were raised around(parents,siblings,ect)uncomfortable discussing certain subjects?--------You know,with all the intricate,inter- acting parts that people have,it's a wonder more things don't go wrong in vitro.I suppose certain things could go wrong with vaginas.I can't begin to know what ,since I'm somewhat short of one.Please know that I'm asking these questions with respect and curiosity.Maybe I and others can bring up something that will help.

 

Well, I talked to my mother about sex. She didn't mind the discussion as long as you were not having sex.

When my sis started having sex my mother turned into an evil and raging lunatic. Everytime my sister went out with her boyfriend she gave her pure hell. There was fighting, arguing manipulation. She would make comments like "you were out getting your pussy wet tonight huh?" She got really ugly.

I never told my mother that I had sex EVER. she still thinks that I am a virgin--well that is what I told her when she asked me at 21.

When I have sex my mind wanders like crazy. Oh god it is so hard for me to stay focused on the moment. First i make an effort to think really dirty thoughts till my brain hurts and i work up a sweat just from fantasizing so hard..but when it doesn't work and sex still feels like pretty much nothing..I start to think about my job, school, the mall, clothes...and then I say to myself "why are you doing this? you're not married" And then he's done. It's over.

That's how sex usually is for me.

 

doesn't sound like you read the whole page. here's a list of symptoms from the link that was at the bottom of that wiki page i sent (note: you don't have to experience all of these symptoms or the most severe form of them to be diagnosed with vaginismus.):

There are several symptoms of vaginismus, including:

• involuntary (against your will) spasm of the muscles in the vagina,
• fear of pain or real pain,
• intense fear of penetration,
• loss of sexual desire if penetration is attempted, and
• pain if penetrated by a tampon, finger or penis.

These symptoms are entirely involuntary - the woman can do nothing to stop it.

http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/articles/article.aspx?articleId=386&sectionId=10

there are also suggestions for self-help treatments that are free to try if you click on the self-help link.


there is a yahoo group for women with vaginismus. maybe they could help you figure out whether that's what you have, or point you in the right direction. at least they say they have a non-judgemental group to talk to.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/vaginismus/

 

That sounds good Lady.Did you pick up on the info about mom?Could be some repression there---but again ,I'm certainly no expert.Perhaps a visit to a female gyno and a psychologist would be helpfull?Some will charge on a sliding scale.

 

sure, but this can happen due to a combination of things. and the first step is to rule out any physical problems. i'm sure we all can agree it would be dumb to go into therapy for years and pay out thousands and find out there was an infection involved, for instance. your body can start having physical symptoms that are out of your control through the mechanism of conditioning. for example a woman can have a painful yeast infection and her body can start spasming muscles at the mere thought of vaginal penetration afterwards. that's just an example, there are myriad combinations of causal events possible. a hell of a lot of us who have excellent sexual functioning have had screwed up upbringing etc. so a repressive mom would not necessarily have anything to do with it. you have to pretty much go through a process of elimination. the very first step would be to eliminate the possibility of a still active infection that isn't displaying any recognizable symptoms.

 

Yes,that's what I meant about a gyno.If the plumbing is in order,then it would be time to look elsewhere.I hope she doesn't have to live with this.

 

I've been to the GYN, she didn't see anything wrong down there. I addressed her with my problem and she told me that my body is not built to enjoy penetration and to have oral sex all the time. yep. I left the clinic and sat in my car in tears.

You know despite not enjoying sex, at least I can have it. My vaginismus is not severe. So, if I do get into a relationship if that is what my partner wants to do then I will have to compromise and do what pleases him. So maybe this is something I will have to live with.

I'd like to think that I am still a pretty good catch. I like oral sex--giving and receiving. I have no problem with swallowing, so at least a guy can be happy in that regard, too

 

Her opinion sounds like a personal opinion to me, based on "sex is dirty." "all the time?"What don't I understand about her statement?Lady?Anyone?

 

god and your complaining!!!

i cant even have then doing that!!! what i would give to have one just once in my lifetime

 

what the hell did she mean by your body is not built to enjoy penetration? did you ask her? that's weird. is your body not built to give birth either? you are female right? i think you need a second opinion. did you look at the self-help ideas for vaginismus i posted?