g/f of 17 mo. just cheated on me tonight

Typing this on phone so going to be brief. Turned 22 the other day, senior in college, g/f is 19, sophomore. Got off work early today, went into her bedroom, she's making out with her best guy friend (friend of mine too) on the floor. This is the first and last time I want to say that. It disgusts me. They were drunk, he initiated, and it was the first time, they told me. I told him to get out, though in cruder terms. She bawled and threw up, bawled, apologizing and whailing, "Do not pity me! I am worthless now!" Then to herself with a stunned look, "I am one of <i>them</i>."

She and I had discussed our utterly loathsome feelings for cheaters every now and then because I had been cheated on before (in my only other serious relationship), and she suspected her last boyfriend was unfaithful.

So what do I do? Tell myself and her that the world can be a cruel place, often as a result of the arbitrary and destructive tradition of monogamy, a manufactured tradition that perpetuates infinite broken hearts?

The weird thing about this whole situation is that her last boyfriend suggested an open relationship, and she rejected the notion.

This is always and unfortunate situation for everyone involved.

 

I would trust her and i call it quits. You believed her when she said she didnt cheat, you believed her when she said she thought cheaters where scum and that she suspects her x of cheating. And now your faith has lead you to discover her lips on another man. That in mybook would count as a sobering eye opener that the girl you have invested time in is like she says , Worthless ... and no you shouldnt pitty her she said it herself in her drunked bable shes a whore and she knows it ...

Thats my 2 cents

 

id give her another chance. but it will take her a damn long time to build up any trust with you again. and let her know that. id also ask around with people who know them/have seen them (acquaintances, not close friends) and ask if theyve seen any other suspicious behaviour. if this has happened before, cut it off. if this really is the first time, she should get a second chance imho.

 

I would end it for now. If it's meant to be, it will happen. That's how I know my fiance and I are meant to be together. He cheated on me (more than just making out w/ another chick) and also got involved w/ another girl while we were broken up. Long story short, we broke up a few times but every time, we always ended up together. Now he values our relationship b/c he knows what it's like when we're not together. He wants me in his life and doesn't take me forgranted. Maybe your gf will come to the same realization.

Peace and love

 

If you keep her around, you're being a total fucking sucker. If she does it again (and she probably will), you're going to Sucker of the Year award.

Rule #1 to avoid cheating: Don't get fubar and end up alone with someone you find even remotely attractive when drunk off your ass.

If she doesn't understand that now, she probably isn't really that mature and developed emotionally. Looks like she gets to learn a lesson the hard way. Ditch her, save your dignity, have some self respect, and draw a line in the sand.

 

First of all I want to say I feel for you. I'm sorry, this stuff sucks the worst. That kind of pain no one should have to feel.

Now, about your gf...

Her heart seems to be in the right place but she is not mature enough to actually execute her values. She is weak to temptation. Everyone is human and this situation is totally not fair to you. The choice is yours. I suggest a break. If you drift apart, then fine...if you decide you can't live without each other, then get back together.

Good luck and make yourself happy.

 

First of all, I'm sorry it all happened. I don't have answers as far as what practical steps you should take in that relationship. Whatever you do, I'd be more concerned about HOW you do it.


The one thing that jumped out of your post was that you referred to monogamy as a "destructive tradition" and yet you were monogamous.

Doesn't that sound like a self-fulfilled prophecy? Is that not a contradiction you need to resolve?

I'm neither for nor against monogamy --- whatever works, works, and it'll be different in each case. But I'm certainly troubled by monogamy BY DEFAULT.

 

I definitely think you guys should take a little break. No one should have to put up with cheating and I feel that if it happens once it will most likely happen again..

It sounds obvious to me that she knew that she was wrong but then why did she do it anyway? Its not like she forgot you existed until u walked in on her. She knew she was doing was wrong but she did it anyway and being caught is probably what bothered her the most and caused her to react the way she did and say the things she did. Do you think she would have told you if you did not catch her in the act?

I would suggest taking a break and she how she reacts to that and find out whether or not you should trust her.

 

bingo.

I'd tell her to go fuck off just for the insult, or I'd go out and get even by fucking someone else. probably wouldn't resent her for it, though.

 

It is rough when someone you love sooo deeply, screws up. I love someone, and I haven`t heard from him in 6 weeks. No known reason. The last time we talked he said not to worry, he missed me big time, I have been waiting since then, nothing. But, for you...my son is going through almost the same thing and he is 19 yrs old. and he is a very caring person. has tried it with a couple of girls here and there,,,and they, one anyway couldn`t make up her mind which guy she wanted to be with well guess what?fuck it. You know she might do it again,,,but I feel if she really cared, she would never have done it to begin with, in your heart, you know-- drunk or not, if you love him. I love hitman38 but he hasn`t been around and I am still waiting because I do love him no matter what. You have to decide for yourself,,,but if I find out that hitman38 has been with someone else,,,and just couldn`t tell me,,,well he can be with that person, because I love him, I wish the best-- just wish he come around and tell me.

Decide in your heart what you want to try again or not-- there are other people in the world, who will really love you.

 

Fuck that i wouldnt give her another chance, alcohol is no excuse for cheating.

She fucked up. How i feel about what you said, id say. You fucked up bad and you just lost me.

 

Tell her to fuck off.
And nrver talk to her again.
shes a bitch.

 

It isn`t always that easy, when you love someone. But she should have remembered who she was in love with. when you really love someone you don`t just do that.

 

The mutual guy friend ain't too much of a classy human either, eh?

Ditch both of them. The girl made a mistake and does seem truly horrified by her own actions (people wonder why I say booze is evil) but if the lesson of consequences isn't harsh enough, or gets wishy washy, the behaviour has more of a chance of being repeated later in life.

 

I agree with this. Maybe a break will give you time to mull it over without the initial shock, pain, and disbelief in the way of clear thinking, and maybe it'll give her time to see what she really values in her life: a good relationship with someone she loves, or a drunken make-out session with whoever is convenient.

 

Yeah I would give it a break and stand strong and just see how it goes. Its hard when things like that happen. I agree though that alcohol is no excuse for cheating, but once someone said a kiss just happens in the moment, and of course I still consider that cheating, if it didn't go further then maybe it just happened suddenly or something. I'm not saying to totally forgive her or your friend instantly at all, but I guess just something to think about. I know how it feels though, so that really sucks, hopefully things will work out somehow, but just do what you feel is right and what will be good for you.

 

I say one strike and she's out. My ex g/f used to swear up and down that she wasn't a cheater and would never cheat but turns out she was cheating on me with not just one but at least two guys! I caught her making out with a guy at a party literally behind my back! She knew that my ex g/f of three years had done this so it seemed like she was doing it intentionally. Thankfully I was able to control my temper and didn't beat the crap outta the guy and didn't scream and yell at her.

They cheat once they will cheat again. A REAL friend would have pushed her away.

 

Tell her to fuck off and make him pay.

 

ill tell you something, i have been hit on and begged while i was so wasted i could do nothing but comply, and still remembered i had a girlfriend that i respected. If she was able to get up and talk to you afterwards, i think she was very capable of drawing the line between right and wrong. she simply did not care and had more interest in him at the time. Personally, no matter what the situation, i could not live with the fact that my girlfriend cheated on me. It would bother me for ever and always be there that she was doing something that i had no idea about. And, it probably was not the first time, but thats just my opinion. i would just end it there.

 

Destroy the bitch.

You're not married so you don't have to kill her, but a good " indirect " beating may be in order.

However, I understand no actual sex took place, and both were intoxicated.

So you can ignore pretty much all I said.

The only action you should take is to break up with her, cause had you not walked in when you did, things probably would have gone farther.