As sad as it is, i'm 21 but have never been on a real date...i've hung out with girls, hooked up, but no date....the prom i guess i maybe could consider a date, but it was more as friends...i met a girl at a wedding in the summer and we talked and danced a lot but that was it...we exchanged emails and we talked online once in a while, more just conversation than flirty type talk....i havnt talked to her in probably over a month and today out of the blue she talks to me....she asked if i wanted "to chill somenight" and i said yes...i figured she meant to come out with her friends or soemthing and hang out....when i asked what she had in mind she said she didnt know, "maybe movies, out to coffee, out for drinks, whatever" which to me sounds like a date, just the two of us(correct me if im wrong)...so im really excited but at the same time really nervous cause i dont know what to expect i've only hung out with her the one night and she seemed really fun, so i was thinking maybe this really cool glow in the dark mini putt place, then maybe out to a club or something later on, cause i know she loves dancing...im not trying to be a cheapskate, but im wondering who would be paying what....there is no way i would let her pay for me even though she asked me out, but does it mean im suppose to pay for her as well...i dont know how first dates work its not so much the date im worried about, its after...im really not good at reading people, i wish i was....i cant take hints when it comes to girls...when it comes to be the end of the date i could either drive her home, which would be like 45 minutes, or invite her back to my place...if she wants to go home and the date still went well then am i to kiss her? if so, lips or cheek? If she wants to come back to my place (which probably mean she'll be staying there) then i REALLY wont know what to do....again im not good at reading people...i've had girls at my place a few times....once we were making out or whatever and ill go to "make a move" and get denied...other times i wont even make out with her, just talk or whatever and then after find out she wanted to have sex...i really dont know how women think....from experience i know that just cause shes sleeping in your bed doesnt mean she wants to have sex...what i'd like to know is how do i know if she does...i dont want her to think im a square by not making any move at all, but i REALLY dont want to come on too strong, especially when this girl seems really nice ya i know what your going to say "if someone knew how to figure out what women are thinking they could make millions" but please, any advice would really help me out here...thanks
My experience is different from the poster above, but isn't that to be expected? I prefer very short dates when I'm getting to know someone. 45 minutes or so...a "coffee date" if you will, in a very public and convenient place at an early hour and no alcohol involved. Of course, if both of you feel comfortable, by all means extend the night...but most times, getting to know someone intimately takes time and courage. At the end of a coffee date you can suggest something that takes a little more investment next time, like going to a nightclub. Let her know in advance you don't have much time that night, but later on you will. Contrary to what's been said, I would be affectionate with her from the very beginning. It doesn't mean being crass, just sublty affectionate and flirtatious. Backs, hands, arms, sometimes even cheeks are not too forward. Just gage how receptive she is. There should be no doubt in her mind that you are affectionately interested, if that's the case. But at the same time, make it clear that you're willing to respect her pace. Wipe out all anxiety about sex and kissing...if it happens, alright. But I would think you should focus on getting comfortable first and that takes a couple dates at least. FURTHER, talk about emotions and what she's looking for in a guy. Do not let conversation be purely intellectual about this band or that band. As far as emotions, do not try to hold them back. It is normal to be nervous around a woman you're attracted to. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It simply means you care about her. And if there are awkward silences or something, then talk about THAT. Good luck and let us know.
thanks for the advice guys...unfortunatly for me we had to reschedule till next week, so now i have ANOUTHER whole week to be nervous
I understand, Distant Lover, but I also think getting in trouble and learning is important. Perhaps more important than any one date. Again, I'm not suggesting grabbing someone's ass, or anything of the sort. I'm referring to subtle signs of affection (even eye-contact) which escalate gradually IF she responds welcomingly. The danger of not being affectionate or flirtatious is that blink's date will think him interested in a platonic relationship, which doesn't seem to be the case. And that could be hurtful. blink, I would suggest you try to approach other women or get another date in the meantime. The more dependent you are on your current date, the less spontaneous you'll be around her.
my BF and i have been living together for three years and haven't go one one single date. we do things together everyday, and have occasionally go out to eat but not on a planned date where we said we'd do something and actually done it. (except trippin on acid.) i don't know if planning to get high is a date? but hey dating is over-rated
I don't know about others, but I have always found the advice of women on how to handle dates wholly useless. I try to figure that out, and I think the reason why is because: 1) what men want is just as important as what a woman wants; 2) because people frequently shield themselves intellectually from their real feelings and desires and say the want something when if fact they want something else altogether.
women are stupid, ignorant creatures and don't really know what they want, so don't ask them. instead pay money to a seduction 'expert', follow HIS advice, and you'll get laid fer sure.
Toward me. Because I said female opinions on what women want tend to be idealized and haven't helped me much with the opposite sex...paradoxically.
