Lights Out Sit in the back seat of life Stare at the ceiling But never let go of the Car door handle You might drift past the ceiling And into the sky Where You can Not Fly Humans are not meant to fly Stare out your car door And realize what is around you And who found you Wind yourself around Yourself It is so easy to lose Yourself The lights click on On the other side of the world And you sleep Waiting for your light to click on Catch your dreams for later In a cup by your bed And lay your head on top of your dream Your eyes will being to gleam With the contents of your dream Let go of the Car Door Handle
did you not like the poem? go ahead and criticize it can only make me better but thank you for the compliment
i do what i can and I try to look at criticism as a form of improving my writing, teaching me what areas I need to improve on thank you again
Better for whom? Do you write for the critics (As HawkinsOrchestra so aptly put it) Objectively, wouldn't you would be the better judge of what is 'best' for you?
I honestly want to become a better writer and it seems idealistic that one can not wish to improve ones writing. I'm actually looking for a forum to post my poems and write more. This is one of my lesser poems and I was going to wait for feedback and possibly stay and look around a bit more. This poem I wrote as an example of existentialism. I want to hear from others who are better then me and who can allow constructive criticsm that will allow growth in my poetry, this is all self influenced and motivated. I write for no one but myself sorry if you feel that my motivation is anything but honest
as a fellow writer i can say that i like this poem, definately! i would like to know what inspired you to write it.. what is it about exactly like, canu explain the symbolisms or anything? pm me if u like
And into the sky Where You can Not Fly Humans are not meant to fly Stare out your car door And realize what is around you And lay your head on top of your dream Your eyes will being to gleam these lines seem forced to me.. i dont like the way you put them to be honest. the rhyming is elementary. anyone can rhyme sky with fly, anyone can rhyme gleam with dream. the overall point of the story is cool, the part about putting your dreams in a cup reminds me (Sadly) of harry potter and the pensieve dumbledore put his thoughts into to remove his mind of clatter, and i like that. the first five lines are nice, then the meaning sort of jumbles around. overall, you have potential, and the truth is that no matter what anyone says, any criticism you recieve you WILL dislike, but if you look past how wonderful you think your own poetry is and read the poem from an outsider's point of view, you will learn.
^thats a good point but not all poetry has to have genius use of words to have meaning. however this is not my particular style of writing, i still have appreciation for anyone who DOEs write. u know what i mean?
definatly and honestly i wrote this poem as a class assignment so yes it was very forced and I was trying to allow the words to flow exastentially from within but instead it came out much more clinical and this is a poem I thought I could have done better on and I never said I LIKED critism thats an idealogical statment but I understand where you are all coming from and I can only offer my gratitude thanks and yes the words are quite elementary and that was something I never really liked about the poem
inspiration wise.....I was lying in the back seat of my friends car and I was holding onto the car door handle as he drove and my mind began to wonder. I love to be inspired by everyday life and things I see. I keep a yellow note pad with me now and jot things down as they come
no one is saying you like criticism. i dont think anyone likes criticism. i hate it. but thats why you post your poems right? to find out what others think. if you think youve got it you want to show the whole world. i would enjoy hearing something you wrote outside of school, something you feel strongly about. i would also like to hear YOUR criticism of MY poetry.
Honestly I was only reinforcing what you stated in the previous replies and I'd love to reply to your poems and I wil post things later on. one my other poems was posted in a blog....sadly most of my poems come from assignments and I'm not honestly fully behind them, thank you again though for your critiques I take them into consideration and all the compliments to heart
that sounds like a splendid idea....something I need to do more often...I think I would prefer some iced tea though....I am from Texas thats all we drink down here in the south I used to write for others, but now I am TRYING to convince myself that I write for myself....takes a bit of convincing
iced tea is fine you write for others to please others. you write for yourself to please yourself. and while you're trying your hardest to please yourself, others watch the fire burn the beauty in their eyes.
