Write your suicide letter in this thread -

If you were to kill yourself, what would you like to write and to whom?

 

I've gone to live with the children on Jolly Farm. Good-bye forever, Dom.

P.S.- I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the 30-day return limit, but I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. It's actually not a horrible sweater, it's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it, you know? Oh and I also left a button on the bureau, um I'm not sure what it goes to but um I, I can never bring myself to throw a button away, I know as soon as I do, I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll, wait a minute actually could it have been from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm. Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again good-bye forever.

PPS- You know what, it might be a little chilly in hell, I'm actually going to take the sweater.

 

Goodbye friends and the others who don't fit that category,

I can finally say that I don't like black people without fear of being sued, losing my job, car, wife, children and dentures. Do not cry for me - I won't have to go to work, brush my teeth, and I'll also be a rich man because of the insurance money I'll have after my death. I would like to say that I'm gonna miss you though. Like I said "I would like to say it"...BUT I CAN'T because it would be a big lie. When you read this know that I'll be at peace. Well, I might have a little life left because not all of the blood will have run out of my veins, into the full bathtub and dripping onto the beautiful white ceramic floor we just had made. Could you return my library books please? Oh, and please, you can give my dick to science - it would be cool to know I'm still fucking and that you can't have any alimony for infidelity.

P.S. I don't have a p.s.

 

I killed myself cause you suck

 

huh? thats not a suicide note! Stewie was just leaving for BBC!

suicide is lame.

 

no thats my suicude note!
compleatly 100% origional!

 

not that it'll ever happen, but..............





"I'm DONE!

SEE YA!!"

 

"suicide is lame."

Well, how do you know did you ever kill yourself?

 

nite. see ya'll later.

 

Goodbye fuckers, see ya in hell

p.s. dont touch the beer, it gets burried with me...

 

Blame it on Ozzy, I didn't write the song.

 

yes you did, quit faking. we have known who you are the whole time.

 

tonight,

i sleep in hell.

 

lol

 

well , we both knew it would come to this. you tried to fight it by sending me supermodels with no morals and good pure cocaine to keep me happy. well god, i appreciate your efforts, but I am coming to see you anyway. Pull out the sleeper couch and make sure you gots lotsa good ale. this time I am coming for eternity.

Love, Avacado_salesman.

PS I kept a nice stash of that panamanian coke from last new years...we gonna party!!!!!!

 

LOL! Good one -er- it's a joke...? Right?

 

I don't have one for me, but I can guess what northernlehigh97's would be like.


"If you find this, my pocket pussy got the best of me. I'm in a better place now, with hundreds of thousands of pocket pussies."

 

Dear fundamentalist Christians,


I have killed myself in order to torment you in your homes, in your sleep, and wherever you may go...the evil heat that runs through me can no longer be contained in human form........see you when you open your eyes in your darkened bedroom...i will be the demonic face looking down on you.


I love you mom and dad.

Your friend,
gary

 

Ahahahaha, that's the best one yet.

Mine would read:

I guess when you get this letter and see my mangled body, you'll want to know why. Why? Because you're an awful piece of shit, and I wanted to scar you for the rest of your miserable, pitiful, wasted fucking life. ****.

Ps: That dummy cost $400 and I'm in the garage....

 

yes, twice. How many times have you done it?