uh-oh, another closet?

I'm a 28yo woman and I've been dating women exclusively for 10 years now. I've never even had sex with a man, but I've always identified as bi because I've always have been attracted to men, despite enjoying my relationships with women. I ended up not dating any men because my first relationship was long, I became totally enmeshed in a queer network, so thereafter it was just easier to find girls to date than to find guys... and I've had a few long-term relationships, so much of the time I have not been available for casual dating and experimenting. As time has passed, I have more and more fantasies about men, to the point that now I almost always think about men when I'm making love to my girlfriend. Even though I love my girlfriend, sometimes I wonder if I'm really straight?! And keep in mind I've never actually had a relationship with a guy (or even slept with one), so a part of me thinks "who knows, I could be a lesbian, I've never actually been with a guy." I don't want to mess up the great relationship I have, but I also feel like I'm going crazy. It's confusing as hell, I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm a teenager again. Any advice out there?

 

damn. Sexuality is a weird fucking matter. It sucks that people paint it out to be such a cookie cutter thing but in real life it just isn't that way huh?

First things first, most people don't understand things like this...or at least not enough to give you any good advice. For one, if it was the other way around and you were having gay thoughts but in a hetero relationship, many people would be quick to say that you were secretly gay and in denial and there is no other explanation. But in your case, they would probably still say you're gay and just have some male fetish or something...Go figure.

Anyway, I say that whatever you do, don't go behind your partners back. In my opinion, sexuality is a confusing thing and there will always be temptations of some sort but when you've already committed yourself to an exclusive relationship, you should honor that above all else.
That being said, for many people, fantasies are just fantasies. In fact, Im certian that most people on this planet have had sexual fantasies that they enjoy in fantasy land but would not actually enjoy in real life. Maybe that is all thats going on here?
Maybe you actually want to have sexual relations with men, but if you don't feel the emotional/spiritual connection like you do with women, than I definitely wouldn't call you "straight" (personally, i dont like the idea of calling anyone anything, because people just don't fit those molds most of the time)

Just enjoy your fantasies, and don't get all neurotic about sex, because that can turn it into something very stressful very quick, and thats NOT what its supposed to be. I'd say maybe discuss it with your girlfriend, and maybe just talking it out it'l all become clear. Mostly, try not to stress about it!