I like finding old notebooks full of things that I've written...sometimes, there are some things I left behind that I end up being pretty happy with, anyway. This is one of them: This is not to say That I've nothing left to say But rather that I no longer know Where to begin- She was the most charming blend of Iroqouis, Blackfoot, Cree, Irish, Spanish, and Chinese that I have ever met- she explained each one to me on a snowy Monday, when we had nothing better to do than to be in love with our friendship. (When is there ever something better to do than to be in love?) Seven hours passed that day in the blink of... No, in the unblinking fixation of both of our eyes. Forever, as it is in fairy tales, Could never suffice to be long enough. Not when I get home, and can pick up her scent on the shirt I wore for weeks, after- weeks became months- three months, in fact, with my not wearing the shirt, simply because the last time I wore it was when I was with her. But her scent is gone now, and I can wear the shirt, and maybe even think the thoughts, without being reminded (at least maybe not as painfully as in times past) that she obstructed, forever more, what became my umbilical need for her company. And I miss her, preciously. But in truth, she was never mine to miss.
The last line is intriguing... I like the way you compare your need for her to an umbilical cord. Keep writing!
Thanks...yeah, not every part of it works so well, but I thought it had some nice things there, so I wanted to share. I've got more, it's just a matter of taking the time to post them. But I'll get to it.
i was just looking through my old journals the other day too - always interesting and often (happily) encouraging i dont know how willing you are to revise any of your work (that's usually why i re-read things) but this piece you posted is going great places. i absolutely love the way you run through the second stanza. it strikes me that you might cut the first three lines - just open with the second stanza, and once you get nearer to the end, from "not when i get home..." to "...forever more," it seems like you could word some things more concisely -and they'd come across stronger -hope you stick with it!
Hey, and thank you, also... I usually do all the revision that I'm going to do, before I actually call a piece complete- not to say that I wouldn't change it anymore at all, but it's not a way that I've usually worked in the past. (And I guess I don't have to call this one 'complete', either, for that matter...hahaha! Right on)... In this case, it was just a matter of reading something in a notebook that I hadn't come across since shortly after I wrote it- it's about twelve, maybe thirteen years old. So I just posted it as it is, right now. But thanks very much...and like I said, I'll have more to post...in time...
I did a thing on Theo,,,before I knew James (hitman38)... I guess, I felt I had to get it out of my system. It is something, when you are in your soul,,,still "in-love" with a person. Some people would think you were..."STILL IN-LOVE" with that person. But there will ALWAYS be a part of you,,,that will love that person. Theo, was such a part of me, because HE became my life line (umbilical line) to the true part of myself. Theo doesn`t know this. Not to the point that it was very, very deep,,,for myself. Not so much for HIM. I would never want to hurt James,,,for I love him still,,,wherever he is, or whoever he is. I just wish I could have at least seen him face to face. So we could have had a chance at a True Love. Unconditional and Agappay Love. One in the same? Who the hell really knows, other than God--Himself. But I can relate to all that all of you have said, espec. you, MidtownMind. A good friend.
