Kids know about money problems at home

I know, I'm a bad parent. Not completely bad, but I've broken one of the oldest rules in raising kids. Don't let them know about the financial problems at home. So I've made the mistake, how do I fix it? My kids are 7.

 

my cats trying to help type ...

but i just wanted to say that i truly wanted to say.. i truly believe children should know the value of a dollar these days.

if me and my hubby go out w/ the children and they say plz plz plz can we plz get this we have rentto pay bills to pay groceries to get clothes to get we have hardly any money left BUT my oldest step daughter is very smart one day she threw a dime on the ground and i said why did you do that she said oh its jut a dime.


i said 10 dimes = what?
4 quarters = what?
100 pennies = what?
ssave that for 5 6 yrs you'll be able to save for your own car.
she looked at me and said omgoodness i can , won 't i.
It doesn't matter whether well i shouldn't say it doesn't matter cause it does sooner than later children will catch on, mommy can't pay the bills put groceries in the fridge or get my brand name clothing etc. Children are so smart. Whether in your heart you think you did wrong, i know your children are 7
they learn the value of the dollar in school and in the higher grades unless your HSchooling they will understand what debt is in grade 5 6. have you ever heard of the game LIFE twists and turns? if not its a awesome game. it teaches children about debt marriage children CS divorce groceries everything i think my MIL paid 34.00 for it. its a 4 player game. me my hubby and 2 step daughters play it we have a blast with it. its hard to keep everything away from the children when we know they know what we are going through sometimes.

peace
T

 

Speaking from a child's point of view, my parents always hid their money problems from me. My dad worked in the computer and dot com industries in the 90s so he got laid off quite a bit just like almost everyone. My parents hid it from me and my brother and when I finally found out on my own when I was 10, I was beyond angry and didn't speak to my father for about a month (which is a big deal for me, my dad and I are really close). We always lived very frugally so these were barely blips on the radar, but I would have appreciated knowing why I couldn't go on a prestigious Young Astronauts trip to DC in elementary school or why I couldn't get violin lessons. Personally, even as a kid, had I known we were having money issues, I wouldn't have made my parents feel horrible by asking them daily for these things.

We never had big money troubles until recently when my dad lost his job 5 years ago as an overweight, 45 year old college dropout who no one wants to hire despite 25 years of management experience. Now since I'm in college, my mom feels the need to tell me (and everyone) the intimate details of their finances which is one thing I think a parent should NEVER do, no matter how old your kids are!

Knowing about my parent's financial problems has helped me become extremely financially savvy. I started a Roth IRA fund at 16, I save 75% of what I spend, I won't have kids until I have $20,000 in the bank for each, I won't give up a career for kids before I'm ready and know I can restart it after the kids are in school (a problem my mom had.. and she always regretted on both a personal and financial level), and I comparison shop like mad. My friends think I'm crazy going to the grocery store for snack food and shampoo with a pad of paper recording all of the prices, but it's what you've got to do. Most people go through financial issues in their lifetimes- some more than others. Hiding it from the kids, IMHO, doesn't do anyone any favors.

 

My kids know that we don't NEED all the fancy things that kids sometimes want (and parents, too!). They understand that we don't haphazardly throw money around at crap. Our needs are met, we can occasionally go out to eat, and they have more toys than they could shake a stick at. But, we are definitely standard definition of "poor". But, we want for nothing.

 

Why is it a mistake? I have always been very open with my kids about our finances. Who says we shouldn't tell them about what we can and cannot afford?

Don't scare the crap out of your kids by telling them you'll be homeless soon or some such major disaster, but telling them honestly that money is tight is not bad parenting...

 

I don't think it's a mistake hon. Whenever my 6yr old asks for something we can't afford I tell him that we can't afford it at the moment. He knows that we're poor but he doesn't fully understand yet. I try not to worry him when we have to wait an extra week to buy more cereal or something by telling him why. But he knows. We always get by.

It doesn't make you a bad parent to give your kids a touch of reality.

 

See I pretty much do the same stuff with my kids. My mother when I was a kid was the kind to say we're so far out of money that now we're going to have to live in a a card board box on the street. As I got older, I knew that would never happen, but I grew up being very scared of not having very much money. So I never go this deep with my kids. I just explain to them a lot that we may not have the money for lots of fancy toys and what not but ask them don't they have a home to live in? Don't they always have food to eat? and their answers are always yes. My doubt in this area came when one of my girls came home from school with a dollar. I guess she told her friend that we were really poor and didn't have a lot of money, so her friend gave her a dollar. I was so embarrassed. I had her give the dollar back to her friend, but I just can't help to think that I may have done something wrong in teaching them about money.

 

Oh hon, it sounds like you're doing OK. It's good for them to know that money isn't something that grows on trees. It's good for them to know that it's needed for certain things like rent and food and clothes. I think you're worrying too much. So your daughter brought home a dollar from a friend! That's OK. Kids will do silly things and say things. Don't worry too much on it.

 

I think it's better to be honest with kids too. We have bi-monthly family meetings where we talk about what our goals for the next two weeks are, what fun things are coming up, problems are discussed & solved together, and... yes, we discuss money WITH the kids. They help us plan our vacations with a knowledge of what our budget will & won't be able to cover, and we feel it's just as important for them to know if we're struggling a bit. We don't go into details, but a quick "Bills are kinda big this month kids because of the (car needing new tires, vacuum breaking down, piggie vet bill...) and we're gonna have to skip going out to Taco Bell this week & might have to wait 'til next month to renew our History Center membership." or even "Daddy's gonna have to pick up an extra shift or two this month so we'll have enough money to cover our trip to Florida." Kids can handle that. Really.
love,
mom

 

Thank you all. You've been a really big help. I love your idea about the family meetings mama. I might see if I can do something like that for my family.

 

I tell my kids when we are struggling with money. They know that being a single dad is hard. They know that I provide food and a nice home for them. We just don't have money for Video Games and a new car. Paying the heat bill is more important than buying going out to dinner. There is nothing wrong with that. Life is expensive. Nothing to hide or be ashamed of, it just is that way.

 

I talk to my kids about money issues too.. I think its good for them to understand the value of money. and that things arent free. Water....or those too cute pair of shoes that so and so is wearing at school....its easier to start when they are pre teen though. i have two tenn step daughters that think money is everything. glitz and glamore.....ugggg... if they only understood

 

I know there is money issues in my house, I've known it since I was nine. The worst part is that whenever I have friends over I feel guilty if my mom buys them anything, I try to pay for them mostly. Whenever I go to the movies with my friend's family I feel guilty if they buy my ticket. I certainly adds a lot of stress to my life, but what are ya gonna do?