some of you might have read the thread i posted recently about social anxiety and all that, anyway, this isn't really connected or maybe it is i don't know. the past week or so i've sort of been having an overwhelming feeling that everything we do in life is pointless. i've been meditating the past few days and having experiences of a very clear, empty mind. and honestly, it's scary. i feel as though i am at a point right now where i can make a choice between being clear and empty, or being full with my concepts and ideas that get me nowhere. the problem with being empty is that it makes me realize, or feel, that everything in this life is empty, including me. and i always thought that sort of emptiness would feel good, but it scares me. i feel like it's a no-win situation. i can go on filling my head with all these ideas about who i am and who i'm not that i've filled my head with for years and are completely unsatisfying, or i can empty it all and be blank and have to deal with the reality of this, that i really am no one, and that nothing i'm doing really matters. i'm afraid. things are really strange for me right now. the one thought that comforted me when i was meditating earlier and became very scared of the emptiness was that many others have undertaken this same journey. so that is why i'm here, saying this and hoping that someone might understand and be able to help me sort it all out a little bit.
Yes, it is a scarey thought. The thought of emptiness. But that emptiness is your nature. So do not think about it. Just as you don't think about other things, like when driving do you live thinking about crashing? There's a certain skill in perceiving but not allowing preconceptions to overrule the finer moments. And then there's this: That empty nature is your mother. I mean that all things and all qualities are possible through that. Just as how if you took the whole alphabet and placed all the letters close together they wouldn't make any sense, so also that emptiness is what gives all things room for identity, including our own separate lives. That emptiness is the source of all things. So instead of fear, you should praise that which gives us our depth to explore. It is Mother. All things are born from Her. Be proud that you have experienced this with clarity. Do not fear that you will be snuffed out. Rather, you will be filled. You will find more depth of character in your limits through this experience, you will appreciate the value of time and life more. Maybe contact Shree Maa at Devimandir and talk to her a bit. www.shreemaa.org I think it is. Or you can easily email the Swami there. I am only saying, since you have the experience that you should learn to appreciate it. Since so few really have it. Good luck. Peace. Don't be frightened.
For God's sake, you're only 22. You're like a photograph thats not done developing yet. What you have in front of you is not emptyness, but a blank slate... Draw something. x
I'm no expert, but I think this is a pretty good description of the phrase "dark night of the soul". It can be really scary to recognize the futility of some of our actions and desires, which is exactly what can happen when we quiet our minds enough to really listen to ourselves. However, it doesn't seem that this realization has to equal "nothing really matters". Now that you've seen some of the futility of human actions and desires, perhaps start meditating on what does matter - you're in this life, and as long as you're here, you're going to be engaging in some actions, right? Let yourself be guided by whatever seems to be "right action" to you; if you keep meditating regularly and operating from a place of heart, you'll probably figure it out better than most of us. :O)
In Vedanta, we are told there are 3 aspects to spiritual development that have to come together for the joy of enlightenment. 1) Emptying the mind 2) Removal of desires 3) Knowledge of the higher reality In experiencing one without the the others, seekers will naturally feel a sense of despair. When the mind is emptied and there is no knowledge of the higher truth, then we are stuck - we have left the lower but haven't held on to the higher and so are dangling in the middle. When we understand the knowledge of the higher reality but are unable to empty the mind, then there is great despair again - for the knowldge brings with it the deep and strong urge to strive for the higher and an inability to reach it is very painful and frustrating. And even if we do empty the mind for a while, if the desires are nto destroyed, then when we allow thoughts to return our same old sorrows and problems (born of those desires) return to haunt us. To be completely freed and joyous, all three are needed. So now look within and examine yourself. Then you will know how to balance your lopsided spiritual growth. Let me also tell you that the knowledge part of it is easy. The silencing of the mind is much much harder. The hardest, most painstaking is the removal of desire.
Whenever I too talk about the apparent meaningless of life or rather the popular way of living it (that is 1.life is all about becoming as successful as you can be and in todays world atleast that means being as rich as you can be 2. it's also about providing all you can to your children and loved ones so that in turn they too can be very 'successful' ) I am dismissed and sometimes even pitied saying my views are a result of my solitary and reclusive way of life and I should just go out and mingle with people and enjoy life like they do. But doesn't that mean, like them, I too will be giving into life and letting it blind me and make me too involved in it that i'll find no time to spare or the need to think the way I do now? Or should I heed what they say and just go around and have a ball?
Sounds like you're on the verge of a spiritual revelation to me. Lack of interest in the world is often a sign of spiritual maturity. Not because you hate it, but because you can no longer identify with the shallowness that you've come to see in it. A new reality is rising in you like the morning sun. Those who live in spiritual darkness won't see it. Live in the world and find enjoyment where you can, but be like a duck that lives in water. It never gets wet. x
I too am experiencing this. At first I wanted it, but now it's like I live in life, but am detached from it. Life does seem empty, in a way. It's very strange, but I know it's a part of the spiritual process.
Is it empty or just quiet? You've lived with a loudmouth called the mind your whole life. When it finally learns to shut up, the silence can seem a bit strange at first. You'll learn to love it. x
Thank you sir! You are probably the first person to actually encourage me about my notions rather than calling me an idiot or a loser!
Anytime you undergo a spiritual path, you're going to find the road to be empty compared the the religious roads which look like a rush hour traffic jam. These people need company to empower their dogma. A real seeker doesn't. You have to walk the razor's edge by yourself. Don't expect much help from those around you. Its not their time yet. x
"do what thou wilt shall be the whole of your law" "you create the reason for your own existence" love,
No, it's more empty then quiet. I guess both. I dunno. I don't desire much either. They've gone steadly downhill since I started yoga. I still buy things like video games, but I don't desire them the same way I used to. They too have a sort of emptiness about them.
Dreamofhteiris, What it sounds like to me prabhu, is that you have induced the outward moving prana of your mind, what is called pravritti, into nivritti or moving inward. When the pravritti prana that constitutes the mind moves into the bindu of the Ajna Cakra, the Muladhara Cakra begins to open, slightly stimulating the Devi Kudalini. I don't think you have awakened the Kundalini, I think you have begun to awaken your Muladhara Cakra. Your Muladhara is the lowest of the cakras, and harbors very primitive feelings and mental propensities of the ego self. It can make you feel very empty. Typically, Kundalini awakening, although can bring very strange ocurrences in the short term, can induce bliss and comfort, at least thats what myself and most of my students have experienced. Another psychological symptom of this is a karma shift-you find things you used to do tasteless and un-interesting. The emptiness you describe could also be because some of your other Cakras are still closed. This is normal. When I first became pretty good at dhyana before my Kundalini awakened, I would feel my mind and ego go away. There was literally no one there, no one home. Your ego doen't exist to begin with, and your starting to get a flash of this. There is nothing to freak out about at all.All you are is God, all you are is Bliss and life. But to get from the darkness of the finite self to this bliss of the divine self, the path sometimes gets rocky. I died mentally on LSD several times when I experienced ego death from many acid overdoses in the sixties. So the yoga death was not near as severe. But know this: You were never there as your finite self to begin with, only the Mother was as the servant of Siva. What you need to do is make the transition shift. Get a mala and chant "Om Namah Sivaya". Namaste, Yogin Bhairava Atmabhoda Sarasvati
Well, Ram Dass described it as just a process in meditation. The world feels oceanic and I feel like a duck in water. I did awaken it that night I told you about when I had a kensho, but it didn't go past my hara center.
Well, I know just how you feel, about loosing all sense of relative values. It is scary. I went to Maharishi university for four years and during that time we had what we called 'Forest Academy.' During that time we would spend some three to five hours a day in meditation. With asanas and other ayurvedic routines we could be spending eight hours a day just practicing yoga, for sometimes up to a month. At times I felt like my personality was being snuffed out by the empty fullness of pure awareness - samadhi. I would literally start to dissolve like sugar in water. I don't have much advice but that it made me more relatively stronger as well. Not as likely to be pushed in some direction by anything. I have seen this tendency in others who practice much in the way of transcendence of mind techniques is that they seem to become more tenacious. I am not sure if that's good or bad. Sometimes it seems rather stupid and pointless for people to hold onto their individuality with huge temerity like it's sacrosanct. But this happens. You will find that if it doesn't happen in your personality then you'll find something else to lend some unfathomable weight to, like your philosophy, system, teacher, deva, God, course of study, etc, dope, etc.... This will happen, because as you find the emptiness becoming more and more profound in your experience it also comes behind everything in front of your experience as well, making it all seem that much more important. I think at some point a balance is struck for the intellect however, with practice and activity. Very important to act, and not just meditate. Some action anyway, doesn't really matter what. Then some meditation, then some action, etc, back and forth. This stabilizes ones mind. The balance struck for the intellect is somewhere between nondiscrimination, and discrimination of sameness for all things. As based in the essential cognitive awareness of ones essential space-like basis. Knowing that, as the basis of knowing everything, one knows what is to be ultimately known, and then all is good. So it's okay to dissolve into this essential goodness which is free of relativity. It makes everything both more and less what it is in the long run. More and less. Not less and less or more and more. Bigger and smaller at once, as is the nature of life itself. Don't overemphasize the process or particular inner or outer values but let them come together as they will. This is my advice.
