.... i dont get what i do in my relationships that make guys cheat and make guys treat me like shit and all that, do i have to start being a raging **** to get what i want? i mean thats what it seems like, but thats not me. all these girls always win and im always fucked over for it,
No - at least not all the time. But perhaps you need to ask yourself a few things like: Do I have a tendency to choose partners who betray me in the end? Is there something about me that I'm not aware of that gives other people the idea that they can treat me badly?
Very good post, as usual, by Musikero. Additionally: Do I discuss openly with my partner what we want in a relationship or do I just assume monogamy is automatic? Do I ignore signs of a mismatch or discontent? Further, Do I settle for guys who approach me or do I actively seek that which I want? Sorry to hear it, sweetie. Good luck in the future.
i get the same thing with the girls i get.i treated them all like gold and i got treated like shit.shit i bought my last ex a different car every couple of months cuz she wanted something different. i hope you dont mind,im gonna send you a friend request on myspace.it will be from xXrich1966gpXx
I think that firstly, you cannot blame yourself for hooking up with a bunch of retards. Cheating and all the rest of that is a choice. My ex-wife cheated and blamed it on me. Well, I did not make her sleep with someone else, she chose that path. Communication is the key to everything. When one person does or does not communicate, things fall apart. The path the we choose to take is where things go wrong. I agree that you may have a tendency to choose people who are bad for you and all that stuff, but the cheating and treating you rotten is totally their choice to do that. Some of us do not treat our partners like that. Eventually we find someone who treats us as well as we treat them and then it is a complete blast. Good luck though.
Perhaps your finds happen to be strong believers in evolution, subconsciously or not? You know, just trying to get their genes into the next generation! But seriously, I doubt it's your fault. Some people, guys and girls, have little or no regards for anybody's feelings, happiness, and concerns other than their own, even the people they love. Don't worry, karma can be a beautiful thing and I'm sure you'll eventually find somebody who wont do you so wrong.
lakeoffire, Let me just make it clear that I'm not suggesting that you ARE the one to blame. It just makes sense to look at yourself first and ask yourself if there's anything you have done/not done/been/not been that contributes to this pattern in your love life. After all, it takes two to tango. It is true however, that when all is said and done, those exes of yours all made their choice to betray you and treat you badly - and there is no excuse for that. Nevertheless, by self-examination perhaps you can begin to see if you're drawn to these types of partners. Then you might be able to make more informed decisions regarding relationships in the future.
thank you everyone for your replies to answer some of the questions asked: Do I have a tendency to choose partners who betray me in the end? apparently i do Is there something about me that I'm not aware of that gives other people the idea that they can treat me badly? well if there is, how do i become aware of it? Do I discuss openly with my partner what we want in a relationship or do I just assume monogamy is automatic? yeah i always end up dicussing it with them Do I ignore signs of a mismatch or discontent? i dont think i do Do I settle for guys who approach me or do I actively seek that which I want? i think i may settle, i guess i dont have the confidence i need i dont get how these guys all do the same thing. each one of them is a completely different type but they all do the same.
I also want to make it crystal clear I'm not blaming you. In fact, I don't think blaming is the name of the game even if your partners are responsible for what they did - and they are. I don't think there is much to "get" either. Some people cheat, some don't. Most people cheat, actually --- men and women. It's up to you to make sure you get involved with people to whom trust is as important as it is to you. What jumps out at me from your answers: 1) apparently i do --- now ask yourself what attracts you to guys...are there certain personality traits that seem more attractive? 2) well if there is, how do i become aware of it? --- You say you may settle. People who settle usually don't send the message that they should be treated with the utmost respect. They are ok with getting less than they want. Do you feel you deserve less than what you'd like somehow? Dig deep. 3) "end up discussing"? --- That might not be good enough. My experience is that you talk to them as soon as you've gotten comfortable and seen each other a few times. Ask what kind of relationship dude is looking for. You don't have to corner the guy, just get a sense of where he's going and allow him the freedom to say he doesn't want a commitment if that's the case. Hang in there, toughie.
Be observant to little insults or "unimportant" mistreatment. The only difference between hurtful jokes and hurtful actions is simply a matter of scale. Isn't this the weirdest part? I've experienced the same. Narcissists come in all varieties - just be alert for the clues without going overboard.
Cheaters and assholes come in all shapes and sizes. There is no one "type". When you think about it, we all have a choice of whether or not we will cheat on our lovers. THat means we all have the potential to cheat. It's just that there are those of us who choose not to and those of us who do.
