I've just started writing so i decided i'd post my stuff up here to see what people have to say about it. Forgotten Again In the back of all your minds I remain hopeful ---------------------------------------- Sweet Robyn You've ripped me apart Yet I still allow loves' victory Despite being miles away at heart Thank You For the only time's I never wasted
Walking with lingering thoughts In hopes that I'll reverse my low And by chance discern my days to come The night air is as cold as you are now And further memories foray my mind As i gaze up this moonlit road With your voice whispering through the wind Broken down and at a halt Everything has disappeared And left me with a shivering soul
I really like the second and third stanzas here. I'm not too sure about 'reversing my low' in the first. It doesn't really work for me. I like the word choice you've used elsewhere, especially shivreing soul. Sometimes poems like this come across a bit cliched but I think that this avoids that. The voice is very plaintive without whinging. I like it a lot. Keep posting.
