Fifteen months have passed now since the last time I was with my three little kids: Reem, 7, Rola, 5, and Saja, 3. My story started when I got a scholarship from an international organisation to pursue my study and get MA in TESOL. At the time, I considered that as a golden opportunity for my family and myself to improve our situation. I took a very difficult decision to leave my children in Gaza with my parents-in-law and go to UK with my husband for a year. After getting my visa, I started to feel how tough it was to leave my own children. They asked me to take them with me. I decided then to issue a visa for them, but unfortunately, the political situation in Gaza was so complicated that all attempts to bring them over failed. After three weeks of spending nights on the borders, I managed to leave Gaza to Egypt. Immediately after passing the borders, I started crying because I had bad feeling that it was the last time for me to see my children. On my way to UK, I remembered Saja’s wide eyes and her little voice asking me to stay or to take her with me. She was only two years old then, but I promised her not to be late and come back with beautiful things for her. In the UK, I tried to keep in touch with them through telephone and the internet as much as I could. Every week I bought them something and it showed them on the internet to make them feel happy. Reem became responsible for her two younger sisters. She became mature so early. Saja rejected me completely for eight months. She did not even allow them to take photos for her or to stand in front of the webcam to let me see her. Rola just stopped talking or laughing. She even considered that there was no need for us to be in their life. I was crying all the time for this condition, but I continued my study so as not to waste all that sacrifice. In May 2007 the political situation became even more complicated. I was terribly scared that something would happen for my kids. I decided to apply for a visit visa to bring my children to UK. Again fate was against my desire and their visa was rejected. I had my final assignment to submit, so I decided to concentrate on my study and finish as quickly as possible and leave to my country. I did my best during summer to finish my dissertation in order to be able to go back early to my three children in Gaza. I was the first to hand my dissertation and prepared myself immediately to go to Egypt and then to Gaza. When I heard that the borders would be opened, I came to Egypt. I shipped my things to Egypt and paid about $600 for shipping and customs in Egypt. I took my things and went to the place I would stay in, but when I reached there I discovered that my luggage was stolen. I had to go through difficult process on that time to report the accident to the police but in vain. The luggage contained all gifts I brought for my children. However, I was really miserable because I was unable to go back to my children. I started to believe that life has separated me from them forever and I may not be able to see them again. Every time I call them now, I tell them that I’m coming back this week. But they stopped believing me. They are just kids and don’t understand my critical situation. They think that I don’t love them and this is why I left them behind and travelled alone with their father. They even blame me for taking their father away from them. No one can imagine how tough this situation is. I can not help crying because of this. I even started to wonder if my scholarship was a mercy or a curse on me. My children in Gaza are angry with me, my husband in UK tries to support himself and send money for the children, and I am here in Egypt alone. I am pregnant in the 8th month now. That entire situation is affecting me badly and I’m afraid that more bad things may happen to me here. I don’t know what to do if I stayed alone here until the time of having the baby next January. It always came to my mind that those who stole my luggage might steal the baby? Who knows? Or may be I will die here during labour. My international sponsors were my only hope. I know they were generous enough in supporting me, but this critical situation is destroying me psychologically, emotionally and mentally. I was thinking seriously to risk and try to go back to Gaza through the tunnels. But the smuggler didn’t agree because I am pregnant. They said Oxygen in tunnels wouldn’t be enough. After contacting my sponsors, I reached a final result that nobody is able to break the Israeli closure for Gaza. When Israel decides that the Palestinians should suffer, the whole world cannot change this rule. I returned back to UK to stay with my husband until we find our way to our own country. I never dreamed in my life that my simplest right in this life as a mother will be denied and I will be separated from my children. The occupation and its collective punishment for my people left me emotionally dead. And here I am in the UK, pregnant, hopeless, helpless, childrenless, homeless, and emotionless. And there are my kids in Gaza worried, annoyed, and scared!
A Tale of a dispersed family Fifteen months have passed now since the last time I was with my three little kids: Reem, 7, Rola, 5, and Saja, 3. My story started when I got a scholarship from an international organisation to pursue my study and get MA in TESOL. At the time, I considered that as a golden opportunity for my family and myself to improve our situation. I took a very difficult decision to leave my children in Gaza with my parents-in-law and go to UK with my husband for a year. After getting my visa, I started to feel how tough it was to leave my own children. They asked me to take them with me. I decided then to issue a visa for them, but unfortunately, the political situation in Gaza was so complicated that all attempts to bring them over failed. After three weeks of spending nights on the borders, I managed to leave Gaza to Egypt. Immediately after passing the borders, I started crying because I had bad feeling that it was the last time for me to see my children. On my way to UK, I remembered Saja’s wide eyes and her little voice asking me to stay or to take her with me. She was only two years old then, but I promised her not to be late and come back with beautiful things for her. In the UK, I tried to keep in touch with them through telephone and the internet as much as I could. Every week I bought them something and it showed them on the internet to make them feel happy. Reem became responsible for her two younger sisters. She became mature so early. Saja rejected me completely for eight months. She did not even allow them to take photos for her or to stand in front of the webcam to let me see her. Rola just stopped talking or laughing. She even considered that there was no need for us to be in their life. I was crying all the time for this condition, but I continued my study so as not to waste all that sacrifice. In May 2007 the political situation became even more complicated. I was terribly scared that something would happen for my kids. I decided to apply for a visit visa to bring my children to UK. Again fate was against my desire and their visa was rejected. I had my final assignment to submit, so I decided to concentrate on my study and finish as quickly as possible and leave to my country. I did my best during summer to finish my dissertation in order to be able to go back early to my three children in Gaza. I was the first to hand my dissertation and prepared myself immediately to go to Egypt and then to Gaza. When I heard that the borders would be opened, I came to Egypt. I shipped my things to Egypt and paid about $600 for shipping and customs in Egypt. I took my things and went to the place I would stay in, but when I reached there I discovered that my luggage was stolen. I had to go through difficult process on that time to report the accident to the police but in vain. The luggage contained all gifts I brought for my children. However, I was really miserable because I was unable to go back to my children. I started to believe that life has separated me from them forever and I may not be able to see them again. Every time I call them now, I tell them that I’m coming back this week. But they stopped believing me. They are just kids and don’t understand my critical situation. They think that I don’t love them and this is why I left them behind and travelled alone with their father. They even blame me for taking their father away from them. No one can imagine how tough this situation is. I can not help crying because of this. I even started to wonder if my scholarship was a mercy or a curse on me. My children in Gaza are angry with me, my husband in UK tries to support himself and send money for the children, and I am here in Egypt alone. I am pregnant in the 8th month now. That entire situation is affecting me badly and I’m afraid that more bad things may happen to me here. I don’t know what to do if I stayed alone here until the time of having the baby next January. It always came to my mind that those who stole my luggage might steal the baby? Who knows? Or may be I will die here during labour. My international sponsors were my only hope. I know they were generous enough in supporting me, but this critical situation is destroying me psychologically, emotionally and mentally. I was thinking seriously to risk and try to go back to Gaza through the tunnels. But the smuggler didn’t agree because I am pregnant. They said Oxygen in tunnels wouldn’t be enough. After contacting my sponsors, I reached a final result that nobody is able to break the Israeli closure for Gaza. When Israel decides that the Palestinians should suffer, the whole world cannot change this rule. I returned back to UK to stay with my husband until we find our way to our own country. I never dreamed in my life that my simplest right in this life as a mother will be denied and I will be separated from my children. The occupation and its collective punishment for my people left me emotionally dead. And here I am in the UK, pregnant, hopeless, helpless, childrenless, homeless, and emotionless. And there are my kids in Gaza worried, annoyed, and scared!
we all make decisions that will affect us the rest of our lives,,, it doesnt require that you be from anywhere in particular,, it happens all over the place.... fact of the matter is when we make choices we have to look at all the ramifications of the choices we make and that includes losing children we leave in the care of others...
