Woman hater (don't want to be a)

(This is partly a self psycho-analysis thread)

I fear I'm becoming a woman hater T_T...

As time passes i blame more and more of my problems on women. Every failed attempt(and every attempt fails) to start a relationship bigger than the cursed "friend zone" leaves me more internally disrupted than before.

I try getting over it, and I do sometimes. But despite that, I'm still spurned by rejection; A statement that I basically read as "You're too inadequate to meet my standards". That instills a low self-esteem and great feelings of uselessness and angst that I know for a fact I don't deserve.

I say i don't deserve it because i know I'm decent to actually good looking; I have a good sense of humor and can make several people laugh; I look at things uniquely and have a higher thinking ability than most (test proven); and I have talent in drawing and art that I value greatly; To top all of that off, I’m a very nice individual and treat everyone with dignity and respect.

All I've ever asked for was a nice person with common interests, and every time i try and start something with one, my hopes are crushed and handed back to me. Because of this, my growing loneliness feels exponentially more like a weight, taking a toll on me on a daily basis, leaving me fatigued mentally, emotionally, and somehow even physically.

Though, beyond all the effects it has on me, the one i'm most worried about is the main point of this thread. Its making me a bad, bitter person. I'm starting to (if not, already have) view women as evil, spiteful, manipulative, untrustworthy, and near reptilian things. I KNOW thats not true, but i can't help but FEEL that way. I fear this problem may cause a social dysfunction in the future....

Does anyone else have this problem?
Does anyone have any advice?
What does this tell you about me?
Do you think i'm right in thinking this is a serious problem?

 

The only person to look at is you. You need to fix you first. You cannot blame other people for your own actions.


I don't see why you FEEL this way when you should seek and sense the ability to ownership of everything you take into your own life

YOUR only allowing to bring yourself down

YOUR letting yourself feel blue

YOUR making it harder for yourself


If anything blame you not us

 

well, i think you are just becoming desperate,but you have all chances to get over this quickly
you say yourself, that you know you are not fair in blaming women...
ah...we are not evil
that reminds me of how women like saying "men are bastards" or "all men are just the same"
tha's so narrow-minded!
and you know this
i think you shouldnt give up hope
and yes i had a similar problem at your age
it will vanish, but you have to work a bit...i mean you should work on your self-esteem yourself
dont accumulate negativity, coz it is what eats you from inside
on the contrary try to feel good towards ppl who may be unjust to you...
then you'll see how everything changes for you
i've tried this
and it works

good luck, dear

 

at 15, almost everyone is confused. especially when it comes to relationships. so it may not be that youre "unworthy", but rather that they are too confused to either knokw what they want, or too confused to see the good in you.

sounds to me like you need to finda good nerdy chick with a sensible head on her shoulders. but, yknow, i might be biased since i dated someone not unlike you when i was 16 (minus art add in science talent). mind you, he didnt state his laurels nor try and hold them over someone elses head, something you need to be careful of when you say shit like "test proven" and such (i mean, awesome that you like yourself and know your strenghts. careful not to assume that youre better than all around you because of them, or to shove them into others faces)

 

it's great that you have the self-awareness to know this, and that can save you from hidebound bitterness which will do nothing but turn off every woman you meet and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. so you're right in thinking this could become a serious problem if you continued with this line of thinking as you grow older. but you're very young, so of course you're unlikely at this point to meet the 'standards' of any female seeking a mate, especially if she wants to have children. just concentrate on being the best person you can be...on meeting your own standards. and continue to challenge your own thoughts when it's obvious to you that they are incorrect. we all have to do that to some extent.

 

Dude i am seventeen and haven't found anyone who would be realy close to me. I find it quite common with girls this age to be indecisive. They don't know what and when they want and so on. Ha lol, my longest relationship is about 3 weeks, don't worry be happy
The time will come.

 

It says i'm fifteen? ~Goes to check profile~ Oh shit! Typo, big-time! I'm 18 heading for college XP. ~Fixes it~

And though it DOES sound like i'm a bit full of myself, this is actually a rare occurrence for me to find the gall to compliment myself. Its just an attempt at salvaging some self esteem by listing some of what i think are my strengths.

 

ahaha, no worries. at 18 people are a bit smarter, but not exactly clever yet for the most part (this from the ancient 22 year old...)
no worries about knowing your strengths, just careful yknow. i used to be friends in HS with a bunch of really smart people who rubbed their smarts and skills into other peoples faces and it made them unbearable. trying to make sure you dont pull the same stupid shit is all
tho, if youre 18 you may wanna consider checking out an online dating site. if you want, i could pm you the names of a few free ones. thats where ive met most of my bfs, including the current one who i plan on marrying. it works well for some people. certainly not a guarantee, but it can be a good way to meet new people and sinc eyoure both on a dating site, youa rent gonna get slammed into the friend zone immediately (well,k probably not)

 

How about not blaming period?

How about trying to understand it instead?

I empathize with you, my friend. I've felt what you feel, and I've had the same fear. These days I feel ressentful less and less. And not just toward women, but toward the world, society, my "enemies", the foot of the bed when I stub my toe on it, the fat person that squeezes me against the rail on the subway, etc. ...

Fricknfrack has a point: Ressentment is none other than blame-shifting. It's not taking ownership of your practical experience. It's an ego-defense mechanism that is triggered when you beat yourself up, when you feel inadequate, etc.

After beating yourself up, you can't take it anymore, and subconsciously you hold "externals" (women, etc.) responsible. But the point is to stop blaming...whoever it is. You or the other.

The first step in overcoming ressentment is to not beat yourself up for being single. You're going to have self-doubt, that's natural, but don't add to it. Don't rationalize it, don't attatch yourself to ideas like what is wrong with me, or what is right with me that these stupid women can't see...those are all value-judgements that'll cross your mind, but they need not be rationalized into an outlook. Simply observe those thoughts and let them run their course. Neither supress them nor attatch yourself to those thoughts and feelings.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

The second step I would take (and this is reeeeally hard for anybody) is to ask myself what void I'm trying to fill up with women. Wanting to be with them is normal and everything else is not. I'm not advocating that you be "happy by yourself" or any such crap.

What I'm saying is that women, alone, will not bring you fulfillment. The only things that make us fulfilled in this world are that which we work for. None of it is immediate. And working means enjoying the process rather than hurrying toward results.

The third step is...analyze what you're doing wrong. I am familiar with the idea of feeling entitled to women. I've felt that way. I have my vanities...I notice women peeping me out, I've been complimented on my looks and intelligence. But that's not enough.

Don't be too proud to learn from people who have advice on picking up women. I don't want you to think of it as some kind of gimmick. Gimmicks may get you in bed, but you want more: you want to be fulfilled in your relationships.

There is reading material out there, "How to be Successful With Women" for instance. Corny? Yes. Take what you need, discard what you don't. And think of the larger picture.

Think of fulfillment in your relationships and your productive activity rather than just getting a girlfriend. As you said yourself, a girlfriend can be only one more headache.

That's my experience.

 

You are only 18 - give it a chance and a good relationship will develop.

 

just learn to be charming

Go read some books on how to create attraction. There are certain things you can do, or say(more like the way you say it) that help to stimulate attraction. Looks alone, or being smart, will not do it. Once you acknowledge the process of creating attraction, its actually pretty simple.

 

Someone good with come along that is actually the one. Then you wont be hatin' women hugs

 

i love the colour of your eyes especially the left one ... LMAO

 

So far, theres been good advice... Though Frick's last comment kinda confused me ^ O.O

 

Good comments from Audio- read some books!

Also be in a position where u have choices and can walk away.
Girls prefer chasing something theyre not sure they can have- it makes em want it more.

And some girls are nasty , snidey and devious - just as some guys are.
Some of them can be insecure and love to feel wanted , to be the object of a guys desires , and will get off on wrapping a naive guy round her little finger.Youve prob seen the type - surrounded by 6 clueless guys in a bar who all think theyve got half a chance with her , but really theyve got NO CHANCE

PS I fucking hate women( Illogical ,scheming , fickle , self-obsessed pains in the neck)
Still ,Id rather them than bat for the other sideLOL

 

just a lousy comment. its supposed to catch you off guard. lmao

 

eh??

 

These are women with intimacy problems. You have nothing to worry about from them if your attitude isn't predatorial.

If you focus on intimacy rather than sex, cock-teasers are easily recognizable and actually not very attractive.