Well I haven't been dating this chick, matter of fact, I never have. We both agreed we would date at a later age, but anywhom, we have feelings for each other. For the past year now we started off doing little things you know? But as time progressed, although we try to keep it to a minimum our feelings for each other grew more than I could have ever imagined. If Love exists, then I would say it's safe to say I love her. Our connection is past a Physical level, it is more of an emotional connection. Maybe even spiritual, that's how close we are. Well anyways, her parents for the past 7 months have been catching on. (She's a Pastor's kid, and her mom teaches Youth Group. Yikes!) And so the other Sunday, they asked us to have a "talk" with them. So we basically clarified our situation. And might I add they were STUNNED when their little "innocent" daughter told them what we did, haha. ( Both still virgins BTW.) But at any rate, they gave us a list of rules and guidelines for us to follow. This includes No intimate hugs, no holding hands, no suggestive eye contact, no time alone together, you know, the whole package. They basically are asking us to......... pretend we never knew about the other person. We are supposed to come up with more rational guidelines and then try to get a compromise in 2 weeks; we will have a talk with them. She told me she doesn't want to follow the rules. Of course I'm agreeing with her. But also, should I give a damn what her parents think of me? Because if their blessings count for anything, than I would much rather follow the rules and play it safe. Sorry, I couldn't articulate my feelings well enough for this post. When it comes to this I'm a complete 3 year old. You should have seen how nervous I was when I spoke to her parents! YIKES! Peace and Love, John.
You should explain that you just aren't trying to get in her panties, that should make the things less complicated. Yet be prepared for rather much more complicated talks after this one, believe me they won't stop just at this. And you must be prepared that they will try to intimidate her. So good luck! Dude i realy hope that things will end well for you Haven't been in such a situation so can't quite give you any useful advice.
Personally I disagree with all those rules. Except for the unmentioned "no sex" part, which is understandable given your ages. But no hugs or holding hands? Perhaps in public places where it wouldn't be appropriate (like a church) - but hey, I hold hands in public! I just don't make out in public. And no suggestive eye contact? ROFLMAO!! :lol: Sorry but that's just hilarious! That being said, yes you should give a damn of what her parents think of you because their daughter is still under their authority. Sorry dude. If you were both of legal age and graduated from high school I could at least suggest that she get her own place or live with you (in your own place, of course). But you're both too young for that. No advice I can give except respect their rules.
Sry musikero but i don't quite agree with the respect the rules part. I would agree to respect their opinion, but i would never agree to such things as mentioned above. Its better to find compromise. And anyway, how will they know what your doing in your room? And to be serius, those rules mean what you can't do in public or when her parents are around, if you cuddle when its just the 2 of you i don't see any problem.
Kind of in between the two suggestions you guys provided here. Like Musikero said, I should care about what her parents say and also think of me. However, by no means should this imply that we conform to all of their ridiculous rules. I'll try to get a compromise going here, but I don't think they are going to budge. I guess the best thing I can do in the end, is only do sexual related activity (if you can even call holding hands, hugging, kissing that.) with her when we both feel appropriate. Thoughts?
yes, you need to worry about what they think of you - dating someone when their parents disapprove and you have to hide the relationship is very very very difficult (one of my friends in high school had this situation and it was, well, not fun for her and her bf) i mean, obviously youre trying to treat your girl with respect, especially sinec you two decided you arent ready to date each other yet. i understand the not being alone in a beddroom type thing together, but are the parents gonna flip out if you two are in their living room watching tv and the two fo them are in the kitchen nearby or something? not being alone in bedrooms is reasonable at 15, not being alone period is not something they can enforce feasibly warning: they may try and contact your parents, let them know whats happening, and negotiate rules with them as well honestly... the rules should be based around you acting with respect to their house and their daughter. and shoudl respect the fact that you are an individual, a human being, and you arent some scummy person trying to get into their daughters panties. they sound rahter... stringent and lacking the latter part of that equation (respect fo ryou and her as individual human beings)
Okay. So like most of you suggested, I SHOULD care. But how do I go about doing this while still doing what I feel is right? For example, I doubt that they will think god of me if we are breaking their rules, yet their rules are more fit for mindless robots rather than humans. I have informed my parents about everything that is going on. It won't be easy for them to communicate, because my parents both of them, barely speak English. (We are Spanish.) Anywhom, my mom really likes her, and she even encourages us to be together, and do this and that. She wouldn't mind much. Recently, as a matter of fact yesterday we got into a bit of a pickle. Well, for Christmas I got her a really nice necklace, gold and all. The whole 9 yards, well, her parents didn't approve of this. So this is what initiated the whole talk in the first place. Well anywhom, today is my birthday, and I saw her yesterday. She wanted to get me a present because it's the least she can do. Her parent's wouldn't allow her, in fact, they won't even let her wear the necklace I got her. So yesterday she snuck me a present. And I wasn't aware her mom was nearby, and when some little girl I know asked me what it was I had in my hand, I told the girl it was a present from "someone special, isn't it nice! Like I said, I wasn't aware her mom was RIGHT BEHIND ME, and so of course she over heard. However, I still wasn't aware she was there. So anyways, I stepped outside the building and I saw her with nothing but fear in her eyes. And she explained to me her mom was right behind me earlier, and the look on her face suggested that she heard and understood very clearly whom it was from. I felt like such a dick. Yet, through it all she kept telling me "It's okay baby, it was a mistake." and she didn't show or feel one bit of remorse, or blame me for anything. (I love that girl!) My ride arrived 10 seconds shortly after that, and so I had to go. But I'm concerned as to what will happen to her, and happen to us. I didn't hear from her all of yesterday. Nor today, which is odd because she would have called me early to sing to me because it's my birthday. I'm going to give it some time before I call, but man, I feel like an idiot. I only made things much worse. *Sorry for rambling on, just had to vent.
Dude, in this situation i would speak to her parents without her being there, i mean alone, just with her parents. If you want to win this "battle" you need to throw out everything you have, since it is the girl you love your fighting for. But there is the part that they might get angry for your "misdeeds" (don't see anything bad that you have done) and make her miserable for what you do. I would simply try to get them explain, why love in there understanding is something bad. Besides, try asking them why they only want to recieve and not give! (recieve - put on stupid in my opinion rules that you should follow, but cant even give - you the right to even meet there daughter). I would like to know what race is her father and what religions pastor, maybe he is racist and simply doesn't want you to meet her. I simply don't understand them, i'm am very sory and with all respect to your girl, they are somewhat very narrow minded.
Her family, including her, is white. And they he is a Baptist pastor. Man, that about makes it obvious?
really, all you can do is sit them down and explain your intentions. that you only mean good, arent gonna do a panty raid or deflower her next week, etc. (ok not those words, but that you fully respect her and know you two arent ready for anything really physical). that you do care a great deal about her (the l word may freak them out a wee bit). that you want to take things slow, but you cant help that you care about her and that the two of you want a relationship. that you dont want to have to feel guilty or like you have to hide something from them - that you want to trust them in full and want them to trust you too. that you feel the rules are too stringent for two people who are discovering what a relationship is like together, but that you definitely dont plan on going fast or breaking all the rules, etc. be prepared to stand your ground. realize they will probably try and verbally back you into a corner (ie admit youre a horny teenaged boy), and that youll have to ensure you dont get put into a situation you cant get yourself out of
I agree that you should respect what the parents have to say, but their rules are unbelievable. No hugs and hand holding? I did that stuff when I was like 5 years old. You are not making out in front of them. I understand that they do not want you guys to get too "intimate" but hugs can be non-sexual if you want them to be. Also, hand holding is not sexual by any means, just a way to show that you care about the person. I know that if my parents tried to tell me and my boyfriend that we couldn't do those things then I would laugh. I guess it is a different situation since her dad is a pastor, but still.. They are asking you guys to just completely forget about your feelings for each other, which is not right.
I very much agree with you. We are going to have another talk with her parents this coming Sunday. Which I am not expecting to go very well, because yesterday her mom caught us kissing....... R.I.P. Relationship Haha, wish me luck fellas.
Before you go to talk to her parents why don't you talk to your girlfriend about her families beliefs. If you understand beforehand what their personal and religious beliefs are you can address their concerns. So instead of saying "This is what I am going to do" you can say "I understand that you think we should (example) wait for marriage before sex, and I respect that. Our relationship isn't about physical need, but more of an emotional, almost spiiritual bond. We don't plan on egaging in sex, but if we change our minds we will talk to you first" Does that make sense? You will come off as being mature about your relationship, and open about your intentions. It's possible to work this through with them, but it does take work. Her parents are Baptists, so you have to be respectful of their beliefs. Many Baptists I have known are very devout in their beliefs. My mother was raised Southern Baptist, and they (at the time) believed dancing to be a "sin" so no one danced. No one questioned the validity of the belief, and they never went against it until they were taught that it was okay. Make sense? So, educate yourself on her parents and good luck.
I was raised by people like that. At the age of 12 I was coerced into signing an (informal) "contract" that relinquished my right to date and choose my husband over to God and my dad. I was taught that any kind of feelings toward someone or desire of any kind for them was wrong and compromised "God's plan" for me. I understand about the whole you're still minors, but fuck that. My life would suck so much more than it already does if I hadn't "rebelled." Fuck what her parents want. They are apparently unreasonable, so I think you should just sneak around. She can't let her parents control her like this forever. Where do you draw the line? With people like that it's like a prison. They won't hand over the keys, so your only option is to break out. A lot of people don't understand what it's like, but I've lived it. I know they're young, but please. She couldn't even get him a gift? Some things are more important than obedience.
