Greed, Sloth, Sorrow and Regret.

I recommend reading this is you are curious about experimenting with mdma or have experimented with small amounts, for this drug should stay in small amounts.



This post is to give everyone some real first hand insight of the power of mdma... I had no clue how strong this drug was until I was staring death in the face as my entire world crashed. This weekend has been the most scaring and depressing time of my life. And it all started so great... Until my own greed and sloth overpowered my mind and lead me into a horrid breakdown.


I'm 20 and like most people my age I like to try new and stupid things. I have been doing mdma for about two years, Probley 1 or 2 at a time. Along time ago I made a mistake that would have saved me a lot of regret, I explained to one of my old friends about my ectasy connection and how I could get it any time... I never really expected to get it with him but low and behold he showed up a year later and bought 40 caps, he gave 20 just for getting them for him, sounds like a sweet deal but 20 caps in my hands... That's a recipe for disaster.


I didn't do this caps when I got them probley because it was 7:00 a.m. so I waited until later that night I want to hang out with my other friends, they are all cool but they don't really do many drugs, so I think "Ok I hang out try to talk someone into dropping one." But gossip travels fast and I don't need the reputation as a junkie. So I did the only thing that I could think of we were all watching a movie and I dropped 2 caps. Now I've gotten away with this in public before... When everyone was drinking! This was 5 people in a small room and I really guess I couldn't see how ovious it was that I was fucked. My eyes were so blood shot it looked as if I was up for a days, I was sweating bullets and rambling on and on and for some reason at that time I completely thought that no one knew? I didn't sleep this night these pills were powerfull enough to keep you up all night on a single hit. Now I may have gotten away with this but in the morning I made the mistake of leaving a baggy of pills in my hat, that my friend picked up and just gave me a look of disappointment. So now I am yet to hear the rumors about me and really see how good of friends I have. I belive that gossip is the way of making yourself look better in the act of making someone else look alot worse... but why should I be complaining I brought this on my self.


I went home in the morning depressed and embarrassed, so go figure what helps pain... More drugs. I dropped one in the evening and binged until morning I didn't eat anything today or yesterday and i was up until 11:00 a.m. I then finally realized there was no was I was getting to sleep, so yet again being the fool I am I drank a bottle of whisky to knock myself out. The big problem was that I completely damaged my body, When I woke my back and legs were in so much pain it was unbelievable, I had always heard rumors of this and didn't belive it, so now you know, it's true.


When I awoke the next day I was still drunk and alittle messed up, I had work the next day but in this complete daze of drugs I thought to my self, "I'll just take two right now and then I'll probley be able to sleep tonight. This was quite possibly the dummest mistake of my life. I took 1 and within 2 hours nothing... This was pretty bad concentering I was dependent on this just so I could make it through the night, so If one didn't work 2 more should kick me up there, wrong. I can't explain the effects the drugs had on me, I guess because I did 14 caps the previous two days, got 5 hours of sleep in the last two days and hadn't eat a thing. But it wasn't good, I didn't feel good, happy, or excited. I think it was more or my brain becoming so stained I just got really depressed. I was up until 7:00 a.m. again and I worked at 7:00 p.m. I really was trying to convince my self that I was going to try to go to work but by this time my sore legs and back began to twitch and jump. My stomach was bloated and in severe pain. I was a complete wreck and I am guessing that I damaged my nerves in my head because I was twitching in paranoia to every little crack and bump. I started to hear voices in my house and started seeing bugs and colors on the walls... This was it I finally pushed my self to the breaking point. I really believed I was invincible but low and behold as I took that last pill in the complete peek of my paranoia I thought to my self, "I might die if I take this." But I didn't care I just thought it would take the pain away... Yet again I was so wrong.


This is the first time in my life that I have faced death as so. I was lying on my bed rolling in cyrcles and twitching, I can only explain this to you in one was and that was that my consciousness was mimicking a faulty computer and someone was trying to shut me down. I was trying to sleep and I don't know why but when I closed my eyes all I saw was horrid images and voices that I have tried to erase from my memory, this was very disturbing. I was just trying to stay strong and keep from dying until the stress became to much and I almost blacked out, I jumped up and started screaming. I ran to my bathroom and went and sat in my shower... It took 12 hours for the twitching to stop, but even knowing I hadn't sleeped for hours, every time I closed my eyes I saw the haunting images so I couldn't sleep even after overdosing. I was wide awake for 36 hours after this, trapped inside my frayed mind.


This whole experience has taught me a valuable lesson and one that I couldn't learn until I was convulsing and hearing screams from the next room. But how far must I walk down this darkened road until the lights are back on and all is forgotten? I have tried to kick drugs before but I have never come so close to death before. This is my breaking point, I don't need to be dead at 20. I am done with it all, I am never going to have another nightmare with my eyes wide open again.

 

Your an idiot, have some self control

 

It was you. Not the E.
You're not supposed to take that much.

 

^lol wow, a little late on that advice, im pretty sure he knows that now

 

He should have known beforehand. You should research anything before you take it.
However, anyone who has common sense should know you are not supposed to take E upon E. I've never taken it and I know that.
It's not fair to blame it on the drug when you should (and he probably did) know better.

 

"Now I may have gotten away with this but in the morning I made the mistake of leaving a baggy of pills in my hat, that my friend picked up and just gave me a look of disappointment"

Way to prove your friend right, by nearly dying.

 

have some self control

 

haha whoop i just noticed someone else said that

 

haha that's fucking stupid.

if you want to take ecstacy be careful (like the OP wasn't) and don't double drop in a room with friends who aren't into drugs, having to hide being on drugs especially ecstacy if you get bad gurns and the amount people talk on it (when they first start taking ecstacy anyway) is bad enough, and don't go on a 3 day bender and drop constantly.

if you'd have dropped 1 pill at the start and just chilled instead of fucking about with your life you would have been sweet.

i think you need to learn to control yourself, i'd suggest giving pills a rest.

 

Oh man, I love tripping on e in public/around people not fucked up. I like to see howlong it takes them to ask me what I'm fucked on. Although, some days it's too noticable.

 

I know how it feels.

 

meth bombs?