I ACCIDENTALLY HAD SEX WITH A COUCH! revived edition

Damn.I just went back thru all these and had some huge laughs again.Even at my own stuff.

 

hahaha! so friggin funny, heres one

A while back I was around 12 or so, I was crossing North ave. (Here, It's like a mini highway. I haven't fully mastered the art of zippening my pants. so I'm crossing the street with my mom when I notice a breeze, so i figure I can zip up on the way across the street. about excatly halfway across I grab the thingy and pull, only to find that my junk was ever so slightly hanging out, the Pain! I collapsed in the middle of the road clucthing my privates, and amongst the car swerving, I could here my mom laughing. So like curious little mice people are coming out to see why this kid is laying in the middle of the road, and my mom, much to my embarrasment explained... physicaly and emotionaly scarred.
#another one#

When we lived on the sreet that comes off of North ave. My neighbor had a rotwhieler(sp)? a really big brown beast of a dog. anyway, there was a little black dog that all the kids in the neighborhood used to mess with, we'd tease him and then run, Blackie (the dogs name) being a bit to slow (thinking back I think she may have been really old) we'd always get away in the nick of time, jumping on cars and whatnot. Well one day I was on rollerblades when our clan decided to mess with her, I'm where all thinking, I can get away still. So we go over and hoot and holler, and turn and run for what we assume will be it's inevitable chase...
well our neighbor lets his dog out (like many in our neighborhood) and well he must have been getting some action and we disturbed him. the next thing I know a big brown mass crashes into me, clomps down on my leg and drags me back into the ally. this was the moment I learned of our clan policy "he who falls behind, is left behind" earned a mean gash...

funny lil tidbit

At the hospitalthey had to take this strip of cloth of some sort and put it into one bite hole and pull it out the other. well when they told me this. I freaked so they have this restraint thing that they'd put you into to keep you still. we'll I got an arm free and pushed of the table, ran out of the room and eventually mad it right outside the doors. Imagine if you will a small child still inside a restraint thing about body length, a strip of string hanging from his leg being chased by a multitude of doctors, screaming at the top of his lungs. it took 6 doctors + plus my mom to catch me, drag me back into the room and hold me down.

 

I must wonder, why was I ever inspired to tell such a moronic story, and what same mis-led inspiration caused its resurrection in a purportedly reputable thread? I have some actual good stories now, I just have to decide whether or not I want to risk somebody recognizing me. This shit doesn't happen to just anyone.

 

I couldn't sleep, so I decided to surf the net until I got tired. I found this thread, and I was afraid I was going to wake the family up with all my laughing! I really hope more stories will be posted by the next time I visit this thread!

 

nice ones , ROFL

 

This is the most hilarious thread I have ever seen :lol:.

 

Big-ass bump!

 

ok i got a story for you guys (im not the best story teller but all my friends thought it was funny, so ill do my best)

So me and my buddies decide to go to a friends house to go get drunk in his hot tub. So we are in his room getting change to go out to the hot tub. Im looking around for a safe place to put my clothes where they dont get messed with, so i put them in the closet and figure thats a good place for them.

We then go out to the hot tub get piss ass drunk off of shitty drive threw vodka, this is also the night i decide to join what my friends call the botherhood and get burned with a black n mile on my back. After that my friend decides to give me my first piece of chew. Im so drunk and now getting a huge rush from the chew (never smoked or anything so first time with nicotine) my head starts rolling around and the juice drips down my throat making puke all over the side of the hot tub. My buddies decided that it was time for me to go to bed. So im helped back into the house and pass out on the floor still in swim trunks.

I wake up at 5 in the morning to go take a piss come back and pass out again. Like 20 minutes later one of the guys falls on me and wakes me up so i go move over to a new spot on the floor. Another 20 minutes later i wake up to sounds of someone puking, the dude that fell on me was now throwing up in his sleep all over my friend. The guy that is being puked on doesnt even wake up, the rest of the people in the room are now up and laughing their asses off. I shake the guy for a little bit that was thrown up on he stirs looks at all the puke on the floor and him and moves a foot over and goes back to sleep. Then my friend tells me that the guy that was throwing up also pissed in the closet. Lights turned on and we think hes parents have heard the noises and decide its time to dip before we get busted. We start getting dressed and i go over to the closet and discover that he fucking pissed all over my clothes!!!! Im fucking pissed and my friends arent helping me out by laughing. Lucky for me the piss the didnt get my jeans wet just my hoodie and shirt and my friend even had a hoodie in his truck for me to wear. So we then dip out before we get busted and go to steak n shake to nurse our hangovers.

Later we go back to my house to go back to sleep. Before we do that i pick up my car and i discover that my car wont start. So my friend that drove me to my car picks me back up we go to my house and go to sleep. Probably 30 minutes after we get to sleep our friend that got thrown up on keeps fucking calling me asking me what to do because he has throw up all over his $300 letter mans jacket.

So what a shitty way to start a day, piss all over my clothes, a huge hangover, my car wont start, and when i finally get to go back to sleep i get called 10 times waking me up each time.

 

bump

 

Okay...One day my friends and I got really smashed and accidently ate a small mexican boy. Man was that funny when we woke up in jail. Lucky for me my father had connections and got me out.
My friends and I still laugh about that on visiting days. Well, I do anyway.

 

I'm gonna tell one my step dad told me, he used to do any drug... really... hes done every drug but meth... cause it wasn't around back then...

Well one night him and his friend were on acid and driving... (how the fuck do people drive on acid anyway i would never try that) and he said he was just watching the line on the road twist and do crazy patterns when he noticed his friend was staring at him and kept saying stop over and over... he asked what he was doing and his friend said "Jesus is telling me to stop man"... the guy had long hair and a beard and it turns out the guy was looking at his own reflection in the window and was telling himself to stop...

 

Wow this thread is still going?

 

Hey Bill----Thanks for bringing this back.I had almost as much fun readin' 'em as I did doin' 'em.Let's keep 'er goin'.

 

You should.

 

bwhahahahhaha. it was even funnier the second time.

 

see below. Now!

 

Lots of new folks here ,so I thought I'd bring back this one to hopefully provide some levity for the day,even tho it shows how dumb I can be!! Enjoy.

 

I just spent time reading this and I have to say it is the funniest thread I think I have ever read on here.

The antics are so hilarious and I am really glad this one got bumped!!

Thanks Scratcho!!

 

You're very welcome Heather. It's a fun read--I hope people add more dumbness.

 

uke: