I haven't posted to HIP in ages, but I have to ask advice now! I'm bi and have been with my GF for more than a year. She's been through many relationships only to leave them b/c she falls for someone else. The other day, she told me she had fallen for one of her best friends, but the kicker is, she wants to stay with me, unlike every other time where she could just leave a relationship. She honestly loves me, but she honestly loves him too. You can see where this is going.......She proposed a triune which, being raised all my life to believe in monogomy, was a little uncomfortable for me, but I'm open minded so I said that I would give it a go, only b/c I love her and want to see her happy. I've had so many thoughts racing through my mind the past few days. I.E. I wasn't good enough for her. My fantasy of it eventually being 'just us' has pretty much been shot down (we have a roommate to help with rent.). Etc. Etc. Etc. I have no idea what to do. Can I give this a fair chance? Fear of the unknown is a definite issue here. -RW
I can imagine how hard that would be and that is really brave of you to go for it. But don't let her walk all over you. You need to take some time to yourself and step back, look at the situation, and decide if this is what you really want, if she is really as devoted to you as you are to her, and if those things are true then decide if you can handle it. And let her know how you are feeling about it. If she really wants to be with you and you are uncomfortable having an open relationship she should drop it and be with you.
Not wanting to post a book, I've saved some of this for reply posts. Let me elaborate a little. Yes, I know him. He's an aquaintence and no, she's not proposing an intimate relationship between the 3 of us, unless I eventually want that, of course.
She's not walking all over me. Yes, I have some assertion issues, but I'm not some doormat. I have been through some shit in my life and am a strong person in spirit. Wre've talked extensively about this. I'm important to her, this I know, but being tied down, as she put it, is not a good thing for her; emotionally, mentally and physically. I asked the other day, what would happen if for some reason, this didn't work out and my reply was she would be with me. Thast, of course, doesn't rule out this ever coming up again, however.
My GF is a good person and would never hurt me on purpose. She hates any kind of secrets which is why she told me this out in the open. I appreciate her honesty, her compassion and I admire the fact that she has so much love it covers so many people. I'm just unsure of what to make of this. I told her that I would try to make this work and I'm proving that by not alienating anyone involved.
go -SLOWLY- and make sure you establish some rules (which of course can be modified with time) to see how you feel. polyamoury aint exactly an easy thing to pull off
I'm sure it's not. We've talked, set rules and all parties know how one another feels. They both know I'm reserved and that I need time. I'm not being pushed into a relationship with Bob (fake name), but yes, we are going slow. I demanded that.
well, you're the only one close enuf to judge whether she's genuine or not, but a lot of people have been conned with a line like that...so good luck.
