will add more later IluZioNz post apocalyptic delusion the truth is the the fault of the illusion the knife makes a deep intrusion the life faulters in this alusion the breath of atomic infusion his life cannot break the cycle he has lost his first disciple the chapel burns the pages we have forgotten all the phrases and gained all the praises the elasive have gained their prize god has hidden it in disguise the fallen truth of desire is farther less to inquire then the knowledge of the eternal fire they fall from their posts to boil hams and make great roasts the royalty make their toast's the whole lot is to be boast the vomit has lost its touch we use technology as a crutch we have none to fear and all to gain our life is dull and almost lame entertainment is not knowledge just lust for it was made by the one's we trust
Punctuation would really enhance the reading of this poem, but I like it! Fair play to you! Peace and love.
There are parts of this I like, but on the whole, I thought that it could do with some tightening up. Maybe cut out some of the 'the''s at the beginning and give the rhyme a little structure. I thought five rhyming lines at the atart was a bit overboard. As I said, I like some of the ideas and some of the flow, just think it could be tightened up. Keep writing and posting here.
idk. it sounds like a lot of forced rhymes, and some good one liners, but on the whole it feels like a bunch of lines that have not much to do with each other. the piece has four feelings to it, 1. nuclear warfare 2. church 3. royal ball 4. modern technology i agree with red on "the's" and it could use some tightening
