i've been with my boyfriend since i was 15, and i am now 20. we've lived together for a year and a half. we have always had a tumultuous relationship: we get into insane fights, things get broken, etc.. i'm not sure if i want to continue this...although we don't fight that often, when we do it's pretty bad. usually, i say something that pisses him off, and he loses his mind. he has anger issues and will sometimes throw things at me, and on occation has hurt me (very minor). today, i said something and he threw the remote at me pretty hard. at that point, i tried to leave our appartment to wait outside for my ride. he started screaming, then ripped a potted plant to shedds, getting dirt everywhere. then, as i was walking out, he slammed the door so hard that he knocked down an heirloom plate given to me by my grandmother, breaking it. i was really beyond upset. what should i do? besides his anger problem, he's a wonderful guy. he takes care of me, and goes out of his way to make me happy. i just don't know if this ugly side of him can be fixed. what do you guys think? would therapy help him?
It would probably help if you both went to counseling (like marriage type counseling) together. Everybody's different, and some people get angry easier than others-everybody has their good and bad side. And it's good that you realize that he has really good qualities, and that he really cares about you-that's real important. And I'm not at all sure that this fits the description of an 'abusive relationship'. Other than the title of the thread, which I'm not sure is accurate, I think you're real honest and objective about everything-you admit that you sometimes say things that piss him off, and then he reacts in ways that he shouldn't. And sometimes he gets angry too easily, and when he shouldn't. It sounds to me like you could both benefit a lot from couples counseling to help you learn how to deal with these things more constructively. Good luck!
id say, if you still love him, then try to work things out, but if you don't think you love him anymore, then just walk away!
it would be wise to get this guy into some kind of counseling situation or leave the relationship. you must understand, regardless of what you do or say, you are not causing the violence. he is giving himself permission to be violent, and this kinda thing can escalate over time. the more you tolerate it, the worse it is likely to get. if you're not sure exactly where to go or how to handle it, seek out counseling for yourself first and get the support you need. that wouldn't be a bad idea anyway.
Green , hmm Ive been thinking about split personalities all day. My father is like it too( tho not violent). And my post above , one of my " best "friends(?) well maybe "longest standing" friends (?) has a split personality. We had a "good" weekend recently ( Im still angry about earlier rows tho)then he became outrageously verbally abusive and spoilt it all at the end.And he bullied his gf appallingly The daft thing is , I'm a martial arts expert and he couldnt punch thro a paper bag LOL. But he knows I'd be reluctant to hit a friend( or anyone in general). I suppose a friend you can see less often if they behave badly.As its your bf , you shouldnt have to tolerate shite.He probably feeds off causing pain.Him getting away with causing unhappiness might cause him to feel like he's "achieving something" - sort of you need him more than he needs you - in his view. Sure you can look at counselling but some people are just made that way. On my 2nd reading Ive seen the violence - you have to get out and live elsewhere for now.Dont get hung up on the ugliness of his personlity and whether treatment works , have fun with your own life. At the moment he isnt a "wonderful guy" , he sounds ugly. And my friend is gonna get another open email pretty soon BTW Tell us what you do. PM me if you prefer.
