I wrote this a few months ago and sent it to Madonna's website - with no reply. My friends really liked it so I thought I'd share it here. I hope you like it. "Luke's Open Letter to Madonna" My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window And I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be gray, But your picture on my wall It reminds me, that it's not so bad, It's not so bad… Dear Madonna, I wrote you but you still aint callin I left my facebook, myspace and my home phone at the bottom I sent two letters back in Autumn, you must not-a-got em You probably had a problem at the yoga house or somethin Sometimes your thongs can get too stinky when you rot em But anyways; Fuck it. What’s been up Madge? How’s your daughter? I’m going to Africa too, I’m about to be a father If I get a boy, guess what Imma call him? Imma name him Smack-Mule I read about you fucking Vanilla Ice, I’m sorry I once did Micheal Jackson, and Bubbles tried to stop me I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan I want to have that muscular back and your freakish hands I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man I even got that underground pic where you tongued Naomi Campbell’s can… That shit was wack Anyways, I hope you get this Madge, hit me back Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan This is L-man My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window… And I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be gray, But your picture on my wall It reminds me, that it's not so bad, It's not so bad… Dear Madonna, you still ain’t called or wrote, I hope you have a chance I ain’t mad - I just think it’s FUCKED UP you didn’t tour Australia after Japan If you didn’t wanna masturbate on stage again You didn’t have to But you coulda put a crucifix up your **** for Smack-Mule That’s my little orphan Madge, he’s only six years old He went down on a blistering nun for you, four hours And you just said “no” That’s pretty shitty Madge - he’s like a fucking tribal He wants to be just like you Madge, he sucks more cocks than I do I know you been busy, I just don’t like being lied to It makes me want to tear off your leotard and get inside you See, I’m like you in a way I never blew my father neither He just used to fingerbash my mum and eat her I can relate to what you’re saying in your songs So when I have a shitty day, I hear “Vogue” and sing along You taught me to use chains and whips and pain when I’m repressed I even got a tattoo of your breasts across my chest Sometimes I even voodoo you to see how much you’ll bleed Its an adrenaline rush, your pain is such a sudden rush for me See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you sell it My boyfriend’s jealous cause I beat about you 24/7 But he don’t know you like I know you Madge, no one does He don’t know what it’s like to fart bubble cum You gotta call me Madge, I have the greatest cock you ever knew Sincerely yours, Luke PS We should be together too My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window And I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be gray, But your picture on my wall It reminds me, that it's not so bad, It's not so bad… Dear Missus I’m-too-Good-to-Wipe-and-Clean-my-Vadge This’ll be the last package I’ll ever send your ass It’s been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it? I know you got my last two letters I wrote the addresses on em perfect So this my cassette I’m sending you, I hope you hear it I’m in the car right now, I’m doing 40 on the freeway Hey Madonna, I drank a pink bacardi, dare me to drive? You know that song “Like A Prayer” About that girl who got down on her knees in the midnight hour and it ended up being Phil Collins and she got ejaculate in her eye? That’s kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from freaking Now it’s too late - I’ve dumped a thousand E's just now, I’m peaking All I wanted was a cone bra, whore I hope you know I took ALL your pictures off my wall I love you Madonna, we coulda been together think about it You ruined it now, I hope you can’t sleep and you dream about it And then you wake up next to Guy Ritchie and you SCREAM about it I hope the orphan eats at you and you can’t BREATHE without me See Madge- “SHUT UP BITCH! IM TRYING TO TALK!” Hey Madge, that’s Britney screamin in the trunk But I didn‘t tie her up, I just gave her fries, and a line coke too I stuffed a copy of “music” up her ****, "I knew you had one more album inside you!" Well I gotta go, I’m almost at the bridge now Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out? ……………………………….................... Dear Luke, I meant to write you sooner but I just been itchy You said your slave is sucking cocks now, how far along is he? Look, It's really funny that you would call your orphan that And here’s a leotard for the fucker I wiped it on my fanny flap I’m sorry I didn’t touch my snatch on stage, I must have I missed you I think I do that shit intentionally just to diss you But what’s this shit about you want to see my breasts too? I heard you’re a full homo Luke, C’mon, how fucked up is you? You got some issues Luke I think you need some counselling To help your ass from racking up the 8 balls when you get down some And what’s this shit about us meant to be together? Only if we urinate and defecate while we fornicate in leather I really think you and Smack-Mule need each other Or maybe you just need to feed him better I peed on this letter I just hope it reaches you in time So I can preach Kabbalah You can put your legs behind your head like mine If you relax a little I’m glad I inspire you but Luke Why are you so mad? Try to understand I would fuck you if I was a man But I just want you to know that I have a throbbing clit I saw this one thing on the news a couple weeks ago that made it spit Some 'mo was drunk and drove his car over a bridge Britney Spears was in the trunk, because she thought it was the fridge And up her ass they found a tape, and the tape was smeared in poo Come to think about it, his name was… it was you! "Blessed is he who reads the propecy aloud...."
I wonder if they read anything they receive... and I'm sure they receive a lot of letters... Interesting letter...
