When you have only two pennies left in the world.

Hey everybody, its been a long while since i've posted anything on the forums, but here goes nothing...

I'm gonna be blunt, life hasn't been good to me lately. The past year has been the most trying time of my life, and its reeaally bringing me down.Earlier in the year 2 of my good friends died from a heroin overdose; my best friend for over 12 years mugged an old lady, broke into countless houses and cars and then stashed all his stolen goods in my car and got me wrapped up with the police while he moved upstate(way too long of a story to explain fully). After dealing with all of this and trying to keep a smile on my face things brightened up for a little while. I started going to school, got a girl, all seemed well until my girlfriend cheated on me(which wasn't a big deal, life goes on). Than soon after, a dealer who i owed a significant amount of money to(i have been clean for over 2 years) started threatening my life if i didn't pay him over a thousand dollars. Since then i haven't been able to afford health insurance because i have been paying him 200$ a week, and now because of that i owe the bank money. Now i consider myself a good honest person, who has made his mistakes but(i thought) i payed for them. I don't like to complain, or put my problems on other people but i really just don't see my life going anywhere, i feel stuck like nothing ever will go my way. I tried being good by going to school and cleaning up my life and it seems that has caused me more pain than good. I don't really have anyone to talk to, because most of my friends(or people i thought were my friends) are dead or in jail, so i came to you guys. I'm not trying to be an attention whore, i never really complain about my problems
i kinda needed to just let this out. Thanks for listening...or reading i guess.

 

It seems not that life has unfairly turned evil on you, but from what I read you took several bad decisions which are reflecting on you at the present moment.
You also mention that trying to change has brought you more pain, but trying to change is only taking you back to a reality and your just late, so catching up to life feels painful but it has to be done, theres no way around it if you want a "regular life".
In my opinion (ive been through this) continue your changing efforts, analise you possible future if you dont try to change... dead or in jail like the people you know.

I hope these dark times pass for both you and me, im going through a terrible fase in my life, business is bad, turbulence between friends and family, a girl friend who created a situation so that i would break up with her...

 

I agree with Chris^^

You're bad choices in the past have cought up with you, but you are doing the right thing by, for lack of a better term, "suffering" your consequences.....but soon the score will be even...

Like Chris said up there, change is painful, but it has to be done. You sound like a person who has overcome so much, you are stepping up to the plate and paying for your mistakes, I dont think this transition to "normalcy" will be too hard for you.....you're resiliant and gaining a sense of maturity and responsability that is only going to make you a much stronger person than you ever thought you could be in the end...look forward to that!!!!

I think some bad juju was going on last year......everyone around me had the worst year of their lives, but Im happy to say that everything is on the up and up.....

Paul, you sound like you've hit a bottom.....the only way is up. Just keep your head straight, and things will work out for you!

And about health insurance....I aint got any, either.....most people dont. And if they do, doesnt mean they get taken care of (but this is a whole 'nother topic...)

Good luck to you, brother, and feel free to let it all out here! You are going to be just fine......

 

I agree totaly ^^

I think youve made the most important choice of all which is wanting to change !!
Most people just ride it out hopelessly, so congratulations youve already improved !!

 

About the bad juju, your right 2007 was tough on just about everybody I know !!
I dont know if its just the refreshing mood of a new year but 2008 feels better !!
I hope and will try to make it continue this way.

 

Wow, thank you. That sentence has been in my head since i read it. What both of you said deffinatly holds alot of truth, and all i can say is thanks.

After posting and reading that last message, I almost want to apologize for the selfishness that I have shown. I shouldn't go blaming "the powers that be" for problems that were almost all avoidable.

You see, I was in a very bad habbit of blaming others, almost everybody and everything, for problems that were occuring when I was younger. There was alot of stuff that went on in my childhood, my sister was raped when she went away to college. My father was, well, lets just say he has a very Irish temper(I LOVE my father, I mean no disrespect to him). And this to me was all my teachers fault, gods fault, my moms fault ect. I became very angry and selfcentered which led me down paths i regret now. I saw a little bit of that come out in my last post and it's stoping now.

So thank you both for opening my eyes, and bringing me back to a sense of reality that i was lacking a few days ago.

Ps. I'm sorry for this long winded response.

 

Do not apologize! Not necessary! You a wise beyond your years.......