[ Sitting here on this hard tiled floor ]

Sitting here on this hard tiled floor
have my knees tucked under my chin
hugging them to feel close to something

Black tears stain my pale face
as i feel nothing inside
except that i should just end this life

and thinking why im going down this dark
spiraling tunnel...as my soul floats out of me
tainting everything inside of me to sulfur

Feeling it burning my veins as it turns it black
smiling to feel the sweet pain all over again
and wishing that it will stay for sometime

Wanting to feel alive inside
that i will do anything to keep that feeling going
even if it means for me to rip my arm open once again

ill do it in a heartbeat just to be happy
and feel the calmness inside me once again
and not have to fear who i am or what i changed into

Ahhh so many thoughts swishing around my head
as some of the thoughts are repeating over and over
just like a broken record,,,, but that never turns off
nor changes the tune

Cant i be happy with my life
and forgive myself and move on with my life
or do i want to stay here in the same rut

Oh i dont know what to do
please God help me out
what am i suppose to do?

God help me understand who i am
and that i can understand what im suppose to do
in this miserable life...

 

Whew! You write with great angst! Hopefully you aren't as deep and dark as your poems. There is a market for such work and I hope you compile them. As Friedrich Nietzsche once wrote, "The thoughts of suicide have helped me get through long dark nights." (At least I think that's correct -- close anyway.)

Seek a publisher or publish yourself.

Androgynous

 

wow thanks. Your the second person that has told me that i need to publish my works yet i dont think they are good at all. Mostly my poems are what i feel deep inside me and get my emotions out on paper. Thankyou for the comment. Ashhy

 

Effectively putting what you feel deep inside on paper is what all GOOD writers do, no matter if they write stories or poems. And, the more genuinely and honestly you can do this -- the better you are. So a good writer doesn't hold back and guard their inner most feelings or identity, and this is something you do so well. The second you step back and try to shield your self from exposure, you start to restrict the message, and the message suffers. Stay true.

Also, getting the emotions out, and sharing them with the world always help heal the soul, no matter how dark, or helpless the situation seems. I've been there, back in the 60s when I was your age and had the same thoughts. Hang in there, it DOES eventually end.

 

Thankyou for the comment. Your the second person to say that i show my true self in my poems. Yet this is the only way i see to cope with all the stuff going on in my life. In reality i dont share my thoughts nor emotions of what i went through but somehow my poetry shows that instead. I know what you mean about it helping the soul because it does help me out...no matter how dark my poems go i know deep inside i will never do this. Thanks again for the comment, Ashhy