Getting Married shouldnt people care?!

I was 21 when I married my (now) ex, and didnt really care if anyone was excited. I had made an "adult" choice for me, not for them. My parents did NOT help pay for my wedding, nor did I expect them to. I decided to get married, so why should they pay for it? I have never understood parents paying a fortune for their kids to get married. If parents really want to shell out money and help, give the kids the money for a down payment on a house (or put it in savings for them)...it costs about the same.

When people say "too young" many of them speak from experience. Yes, getting married at 18 can work, but it rarely does. I think many people are still figuring out who they are at 18, 20, even 25. I put my life on hold to be a wife and mother, and while I have no regrets I wish I had chosen a different path. Most people that married young would probably say the same.

If you want to get married, then get married. Don't expect people to be jumping for joy though. Does it really matter if they do? If it does you should rethink your decision. You getting married is for you, and him.....and no one else. Yeah, it'd be nice if they were thrilled, but you should realize that they have valid doubts. Prove them wrong and show them it can work. Why not plan to renew your vows in five years, and by then they will see how much you love each other.

 

Ooh really? When does the growth spurt start? For some reason this excites me.

Barabajagirl1967, while I sincerely do wish you the best, I too am skeptical of young marriages. Why exactly do you feel the need to get married so soon? I mean, what is the rush?

If you are mature enough to be getting married you should be mature enough to understand that we are really only trying to help.

 

in the teens. it's one of the reasons why teenagers REALLY DO need to sleep more. it's why teenagers can't control their emotional reactions, they're being ruled by their hindbrain region while their frontal cortex is busy with construction. it's why every day i get further away from bein a teenager, the happier i get.

 

Shit, I'll believe that. I can't believe how different my mind works now than it did just two years ago. Knowing that my brain is still developing gives me even more hope. I can't wait till I'm in my 30's.

 

I was 18 when I decided I was getting married, but I heeded some of the advice and disapproval I got from friends and family. Almost 3 years later, we're still together, we live together (I just moved in this past October), but we haven't gotten married yet. Number one reason is I've seen way too many trashed young marriages. I don't want to end up trapped by paperwork and money if something should go wrong. He's 25, I'm 21, we have our whole lives to get married. I think marriage is truly the first (and sometimes only) step in building a family, and I'm sorry, but I'm not done with being a kid yet.

My number two reason is the fact that we ourselves cannot pay to have a wedding. I think the notion that the bride's parents should have to fork over money for a wedding they might not even necessarily agree is with ludicrous. If you're financially ready to marry, then you are financially ready to pay for the ceremony yourself. If you're not mature enough to take those responsibilities into hand, then you're nowhere near mature enough to be married. If you think you can live on a low budget and you're still adamant on marriage, then you can settle for a courthouse marriage.

I'm pretty against getting married right out of high school, ESPECIALLY those who've only dated each other because I have two friends who I would've sworn to you up and down belonged together and were soulmates. They started dating at ages 13 and 14, only each other, no one else, then the weekend before Burke graduated, they got married. 4 years later, they're still married, yeah, but only because he guilts her into staying. They have a horrible manipulative psychotic marriage and to think, this was the young couple I thought was the exception to the rule.

Do as you wish, but before you get pissed at your parents, try to see it from their perspective and if anything, ask them for their input. It's your life and your decision ultimately, but this post alone shows just how much you really do care what they think. Best of luck to you two. I don't necessarily think every young marriage is doomed.

 

i gotta tell ya, it's pretty cool. now i get to act like a kid because i want to have fun, not because i have no choice.

 

I may have missed it but when did she say anything about wanting her parents to pay for the wedding? I thought she simply wanted them to CARE about the fact that she was getting married. I can't remember her once mentioning anything to do with her parents paying for it

 

i never cared about her thinking her parents should pay for a wedding. i dont' think she ever mentioned it. but caring about her getting married is entirely different that what she wanted. if she wanted them to CARE, well, hell, they'd be pitching a HUGE FIT.

 

I think she just wants her parents to support her.

I personally don't believe in marriage... I just think it's stupid. But if two people want to spend their lives (living together or married), or even just a portion of their lives, together, I say go for it.
Just don't let anyone change who you are or make you into something you don't want to be.

 

who the hell suports anyone on what they likely consider to be a very bad decision? you can love a person to the death, but that doesn't mean that you "suppor their decision." that's ridiculous. they're gonna love her come what may, but they're probably not going to dance and sing unless they feel guilty about making her feel bad, which isn't parenting, it's a martyr complex.

 

does this only apply to teenagers wanting to get married? or does it apply to parent's thinking "WTH? shit!"

 

It means just what it says. I don't really understand your question.....

It applies to anyone who wants to be in a relationship, and the vice versa is true too. You should never try to change anyone you're with. If they change naturally, as they are bound to, sure...

I don't agree with marriage anyway. As far as the OP, I think they should live together for awhile. That way if they grow and change, they don't have to get married... they can just move out.

 

Relationships are put to a serious test after about 6 months of living together. I throw my lot in with the oldies. Why rush into marriage when you can take it easy and develop the relationship for a few years? Get all that lovely dopamine out of your system, and see what your frontal cerebral cortex thingie tells you a little later on!

 

i like that. never understood why people were always so gung ho to get married. my mother in law did it FOUR TIMES. :stunned: why put yourself through all that stress just so you can live with someone?

 

I only brought up the money as a reason why I don't necessarily agree with young weddings. It's hard to find many people who are financially stable at the age of 18.

 

I just want to know why the OP asked the question.


Was a part of you inviting the argument that you guys are too young? Does that reflect a dynamic you might have with your parents? Does your fiance share the us vs. them feeling (if it exists)?

Anyway congratulations and good luck. Persevere. I wouldn't focus on "getting it right" nor would I focus on getting a certain reaction out of your parents and friends.

I'm sure the wedding means something to both of you that is more important than people's reactions to your decision.

 

2 of my friends that i know have been married since their teens. one got pregnant at the age of 15 and she just got separated from her hubby a few months back after 16 years. shes 4 kids.


My other friend got married at age 18 shes been married for 11 years.

It works but look at the stats. It doesn't mean "you" per se but it shows what the stats are for the age grp.
The developing teens sometimes not always don't know how to financially handle house hold things babies rent groceries etc. budgetting Blow money after all said and done with the bills You have the money you can just splurge on you and your bf. Theres still stuff ppl in their 30's are learning. Life is a every day process its called growing.

 

i just want to throw a couple things in here one more time. i never said i wanted my parents to pay for it. rich, my fiance is 21 we aren't getting married until next year anyway. we are both going to school to be teachers right now. we both work and have good jobs right now. we can still have fun together. just because we get married doesn't mean all of the fun stops. we know we are going to make it and statistics are just statistics. we act way older than we actually are and we are doing it so soon, because we want to start a family young (that doesn't mean the second after we get married) but when i'm 22 or so i would like to have kids. i've felt that way since i was like 10.

 

thats exactly how i feel. sometimes you just know that person is the one. since we've told our families the date everyone is pretty much happy now. my grandma is extremely excited she got married at 19 also and is still with my grandpa, she has givin me all the support in the world.

 

Yeah, my grandma got married at 17 and she was one of the only people who didn't flip out on me when I told them I found the guy I was sure I was going to marry. Since we've been together nearly 3 years and still have no wedding plans even set (I have ideas all over the place, lol, but no official plans), everyone's calmed down, heh. But yeah, I didn't mean any offense by my posts, I didn't mean to jump to any conclusions, the whole money thing is just a good point to bring up.