He went on a date already.

I was over there today while he worked on my car, and I looked on his pc. Read some email from this woman he used to know when he lived in boston. It said: "I had so much fun spending time with you the other day, I miss you already! ps: i'm not happy about this."

So of course I confronted him, and found out that they went bowling together last week. Obviously they had some romantic connection if she's telling him that she misses him!

I went fucking crazy over this.. I feel like such a fool. Here I am helping him. Taking him for rides, bringing him to the store. Spending time with him and jade. And he's going out behind my back seeing some woman that is recently divorced that he used to know in some way online mostly I guess. I remember him chatting with her online when we first got together, and I made him stop. I guess he figures it's easy ass or something.

I wouldn't have cared if he had some one night stand with some bar bimbo, but to go out with someone that you already had some kind of a connection with. Someone who lives all the way in boston, and came down to see him??? Maybe that's why he went out and bought new bedding, and new stuff for the apt. Expensive floor cleaner, and cleaning supplies.

I feel so stupid. I was so upset.. Crying and everything. I literally feel sick to my stomach. He knows how I feel and he still claims that it was just friends since he's alone and bla bla bla. But I don't fucking care. I have absolutely no desire what so ever to hook up with anyone in any way, and here he is going on a date not even one week after we split up!

My parent's think that I shouldn't care or feel sad, and that I have no rights to feel the way I do. But I can't help it. I've invested nearly 3 years of my life with this asshole and he doesn't even wait a fucking week before going out with a woman. You know what I mean?

So I'm going to go to the gym starting tomorrow.. Get myself super fucking hot and start dating again. I'm also going to quit the bud for awhile, and that will probably mean that I won't be around here too often. I need to have a clean system so that I can get full custody. So that's it. Just felt like updating you guys. Sorry to lay more shit on you.

 

good for you, but dont you think you should do it for yourself? not just to get back at him? thats just letting him win

 

I should have explained that lol. I am doing it for myself. But it will sure feel good when he sees me one day. You know?

I was planning on doing all of this anyway, just wasn't putting the rush on it. But I am now.

It will be my motivation to keep pushing myself.

 

luckily you wont have to work too hard

 

lol thanks, but I am going to have to work hard on not smoking.. Especially since I just picked up more than an eighth yesterday.. What should I do with it? Give it back to my dealer friend?

 

give it to me
i can give you directions

 

You dont need to stop smoking. Just stop smoking to relieve stress. I was smoking 6 days a week until i stopped 2 months ago. I was just really depressed and gained a dependence. I cant tell you how good it feels to not feel like i rely on it to feel better. I just only smoke on weekends now, and never when im upset. I started working out too. It feels great to be in controll of my life. My suggestion would be dont stop all together, just smoke in order to have a good time, not to deal with problems. Try just smoking on fridays and saterdays. It was hard for the first week for me, and the second was a little easier. Im going into week 5. Last week, i didnt crave it once.

As for your ex. Dont let him get to you. I mean think about how he must feel right now. He just got dumped by his fiancce. Hes gotta be preatty down on himself, and i dont blame him for trying to find somone quick to fill that void. He sounds like the kind of person that needs somone to take care of him, and without you he probually feels preatty helpless. Id say just stop giving him all the shit that you are. Just dont see him unless its for jade. he can find a way to get himself around, he can take care of himself.

 

be sure to come back and let us know what happens. with custody and everything

 

The fact that he is over you after only a week is just another reason to add to your list of reasons why you left him.

 

I disagree with the first post, and the post above mine. There is no universal law as to what an individual is supposed to do after a break-up. And If I'm not wrong, you broke up with him. This fellow is not at your mercy, he's free, he's been ditched, and he can't think about this rejection for the rest of his life, no normal human being seeking pleasure can... Is he supposed to keep loving without return, to keep feeling like shit? Is that what you want? For him to feel like a dirtbag, and you to feel like God?
Seems to me there is existential jealousy, where one has made a decision without accepting the final act of the decision...

 

It works both ways.. when there is no universal law on break ups.. let alone anything.. then how can anyone have good advice?

She ditched him... so you could say that he should feel free to do what he wants.. and get over it... but anyone could argue that a breakup after a long relationship should leave a guy to gather his thoughts and emotions.. and take his time before he jumps into another relationship... and if he doesn't take his time.. then one could argue that he didn't have strong feelings for her in the first place.. and so was worthy of dumping.

I'm thinking philosophicaly.. i can never get my head around the point of ever having any discussion when objective opinions from subjective people hold no meaning.

When having a discussion you have to choose whether or not to argue in absurdity or play the 'everything is subjective' card (which you have just done). But i guess it's always kinda fun to argue/debate/discuss in objective terms.. even though when it comes down to it.. the discussion is void.

I've gone all deep and boring.. on a simple thread.. but the point is.. that your post can be manipulated into combating any kind of opinion... and succeed.

 

Well he kicked me out of the house! The fact that I didn't really love him for awhile never really played a factor in our break up. He was up all night long drinking and doing coke.. I woke up at 9am to find him still drinking, and we got in a big fight. He then proceeded to throw shit around the house, calling me a **** and a bitch and all of this other cruel shit. Then he told me to get the fuck out.. He basically ended our relationship cause he put drugs and alcohol over me.

I was ready to call it quits anyway, and that was just the final straw that I needed to just go, but it's really hard to end a relationship. We shared 2 apartments together, we had a child together, we were once engaged. We loved eachother man, and there was a lot of heavy feelings there at one point. We both know that we're not good for eachother, and therefore cannot be together. But I just thought he'd give it a little more time than 1 fucking week. you know? I can't even dream about hooking up with a guy right now without feeling really sad. It's just really hurtful to me that he's turning to another woman. And like jusdino said.. he is that kind of a guy whoneeds someone, and he does! I know that he doesn't want to be lonely but fuck .. im there for him. I talk to him everyday, I help him in his daily life, and I bring jade over there all the time. Yet he still does this to me? I really fucking hurts to so bad that he turned to another woman. I know I need to get over that cause our relationship is over but its really fucking hard.

 

Well, just like you stated, there is no law for anything in the world, hence any opinion is as worthy as another. Although that's not true, there is morality and values and personality and ego, all those things an individual creates when he is confronted in a collective form of individuality, where he is around other individuals who can think and form opinions based on our capacity to rationalise. In this position we're in, anything we say comes from a certain accumulation of what we find good or bad or right or wrong, our morals. To reject an opinion from another by saying "every advice is just the same" is right in a situation where individuals aren't confronted by their egos or their rationality, but we are all the time, you're just making a projection there, where your statement would be valid in an environment where people don't have morals or egos or aren't confronted with other people in society.

Therefore, all I was talking about was the possibility of this kind of reaction from the person who posted the thread in the first place.
If you want to sum up my affirmation, it would be the equivalent of saying her post doesn't make sense, or her reaction doesn't make sense, cause there is jealousy and doubt coming from it. If someone finds right the need to get rid of a relationship, then why keep feeling blue about the decision? The decision wasn't all that "right" then, was it? To make a decision, before you make the action, either physically or verbally, it has to be in congruence with your intentions. If an intention is realized with certainty, there is no need to blabber on about feeling sad that the other has already started dating, or this and that and blablabla...
I'm not saying it's bad or anything, I'm just saying it shouldn't have to be like this in a person's mind after intentionally decided upon something.

Yea, of course, those are all possibilities, but they're just assumptions and projections, can't really say anything about that.

"thinking philosophically"...
Hmm, this is quite paradoxal, I'll just keep my thoughts for myself on this one.

Of course everything is void while debating subjectivity, but truth is we live in a subjective world, it's the consequences of having a collective group of people who are equipped with rationality and no one having the answer to everything. Either you accept this absurd position and make something out of life, kind of like in existentialist terms, or make absurdity out of the absurd, which is again a paradox.

 

It's more like no one having the answer to 'anything' as opposed to everything. We can only make assumptions based on what we experience individualy.. and we can't expect what 'we' take to be 'knowledge' to have any objectivity and therefore logical use or meaning outside of our own minds.

You say we can communicate.. and share what we think to be morals.. and a collection of individuality.. but, like i said above, no sound, objective advice can be recieved from anyone else.. as we are all the creators of our own knowledge and belief.

Sure we can take the advice of others.. but we can never expect it to be fool-proof.

If you acept the 'absurd position' of living life through individual assumption, then all you will make out of life is more absurdity.

You say you can make something (which i take to mean 'meaning' of some sort) out of an absurd position.. but that is the paradox.. absurdity is all we can get from absurdity.. and that is all we are destined to do...

Hence, i kind of disregard existentialism.. as nihilism seems like the only, dare i say it, logical answer to anything.

THAT is why any discussion can be destroyed with a swift blow from the 'subjective' argument.

Yet, for lack of anything else to do.. i continue to (as you say) try to make something of life (however absurd it may be) and discuss things in absurdity.

 

Yea all of that sounds real nice, but when it comes to explain why there is existance so perfect, that there is in fact a certain growth that people experience at the same time in their lives, youth, teenage, adult age, death...
When it comes to explain the vast majority of animals and insects that are all formed with the same molecules but appear differently through different constructions.
When it comes to exaplain why the world isn't going to completely change appearance when you wake up in the morning, why the earth doesn't turn into a square, why we don't turn into 4-legged creatures in a blink of an eye, absurdity is kind of a clumsy thing to say (I'm being nice to you using "kind of" in this certain situation).

If you want to believe that you are free and only you manifest your existence through your thoughts and rationality, and that is the only senseful thing, that's fine. It's although even more of an illusionary statement than being religious and believing in the possibilities that a certain God, wether he's Buddhist, Christian, or Indu created everything following a certain order.
When you die your thoughts from the connection of your physical body and your rationality won't change a thing to the world, which won't cease to be, round, and holding the same things that follow identical progressions.

 

I believe that the world, and societies are massive, massive constructs of ideas, opinions and thoughts.. which all seem very logical in relation to each other.. but as you work your way down to the building blocks behind the seemingly logical system, you will always reach subjective absurdity.

It is easy to live life within this construct.. as most people never look beyond what they're going to have for dinner, let alone what logic they're whole world is based upon. In this day and age.. it is easy to live.. as though the world has meaning.. as they say.. 'ignorance is bliss'... and does it really matter if we run about our lives acting as though there is meaning behind it all? No.. ofcourse not.. but it still remains that if you look to the foundations of our society.. and morality.. you will find there is none.

 

uhh guys.. what about what I said?? lol

 

heh heh, thread hi-jack.

sorry

 

if he gets online alot and he knows that you have read his emails and shit arent you worried about him reading ur shit? i mean you post alot of shit that could be used against you on this PUBLIC forum. you post alot of shit about him and your feelings that it seems you dont want him to see. i dont know thats the one thing ive been wondering about for a while. i dont have enough time to be online to read every post on these threads. i have read through the majority of them and i think that all you can do is get him out of your life. and i know it sounds bad but if hes really as bad as you say he is then jade doesnt need to be around him either.

 

it's ok lol.. You know what I was thinking just now?

Maybe its not really the fact that he's trying to move on that's getting me upset.. Maybe I've been in shock for the past couple of weeks, and since nothing has been changed really except for the fact that we're "broken up" maybe it's all hitting me now, emotionally. I've been a mess today ever since I found out about that. But im wondering if maybe it's not just that.. maybe the reality of me not being with him anymore is what's getting to me. I just feel so sad and like i don't know what to do. I think ill try smoking a little bit to calm me. I can't stop this flood!!