So a couple weeks ago I finally got my chance to sleep with this girl (who I'm probably very shortly going to be in a relationship with) who I've known for about 5 years. She was the first girl I ever "loved" but due to unlucky circumstances it never really worked out over those 5 years at any point. We have never slept together because 5 years ago we were much younger (I'm 20 now and she's 18) but it was finally going to happen. Have been waiting for the moment for years, BUT, I flat out just couldn't get it up. It was the first time it's ever happened to me, EVER. I've had plenty of sexual experience but I don't know what my problem was. I mean, we're talking sexy naked blonde chick of my dreams who i would have the babies of, and I couldn't man up. It was the most awkward situation of my life and definitely the last girl on earth i would have wanted that to happen with. Later that night I had a LITTLE more success and we had a solid like, 2 minutes of sex before my body failed out on me once again. It doesn't make sense to me, at all. Trust me when I say I wanted to do it...I just, couldn't. Maybe I had some sunconcious nervousness since this girl is so important to me and has been for so long...but I have no idea. She's coming back from school to see me soon and the only thing going through my head is fear of having a repeat situation. ANY AND ALL HELP would be appreciated. Thank you so much in advance. It might not seem like a big deal to some of you buy this was just so embarrassing I never want to go through it again. She didn't make a big deal out of it but I would definitely place that moment in the top 3 of my most embarrassing moments of all time. Possibly even #1. Thanks all.
It is definitely "performance anxiety" due to the five years of anticipation leading up to that moment. Keep trying, and try to be relaxed, and it will go away. We all have had that problem at one time. Did you have a lot of alcohol before having sex? Sometimes that can act as a depressant. Or weed. Stop thinking about whether or not you are going to lose your erection, and start thinking about something else, like how great her breasts, or lips are. Since you screw with your brain, and not the delivery system between your legs, if you think you are going to lose it, you often do.
Honestly man I've had similar situations occur, I'd venture to say that it isn't uncommon at all, as brought up earlier, if alcohol was involed that could be it because I'll admit that I can't perform worth a shit if I've been drinking, if it is just nervousness or anxiety just relax, if things lose their "grandeur" then remember you can always please her other ways and take a little break; maybe give your boy a pep talk/ take care of yourself for a minute or so, not trying to be funny at all but for me and again venture to guess for plenty of other guys: we know what feels good to us and how to take care of that; get yourself ready and prepped and all should be good. Sometimes it has nothing to do with nervousness and it's simply the fact that it is a surreal moment and your mind is just on cloud 9 and not sending all it's focus downstairs. If she cares about you even half as much as you lead on then it's not a big deal at all.
This is pretty close to what I've been thinking. I've tried practicing (this may sound weird) getting it up in private just by thinking about her and can't seem to make it past halfway there before the slightest thing distracts me. Alcohol or weed weren't involved, but I've already come to the conclusion that when she's in town I need to relax with that stuff because I know that is the fast-track to repeat failure. Do you think it might help to just kind of get out of the mindset that this girl is who I'm sleeping with and try to convince myself its just some random girl? That sounds bad but I'm hopeful after the first few times that i succeed I'll stop having the issues and can more fully appreciate the situation for what it is.
I agree. I'd say just roll with it. It happens. Show her what you can do with your hands and your mouth... or whatever part of your body and hers you feel like having fun with. You can still have a lot of fun without an erection, even if you're flacid genital rubbing can still be fun. It might not hurt to be naked around her in non-sexual settings as well, just get used to each other and comfortable with the situation. Bring up your discomfort. Laugh about it. Give her a massage, finger paint on each other or smear each other with chocolate sauce or something... have fun, lighten the mood. Sleep together. Sometimes when you wake up and your mind isn't running circles you can be a bit freer. Good luck, bro.
I agree, it is most likely anxiety. and Yes, it is pretty common and we all go through it at some point. AS far as the alcohol goes, for most it can be a problem, I am the opposite though. The more I drink, the mre stamina I seem to get, but that is only one case. For the most part I would agree to stay away from the alcohol, at least until you two have been together a few times and the nerves have worn off.
performance anxiety definitely, don't worry or you will lose it, and look at some porn before she comes round or something
Yo that shit happened to me once. I drink far too much, and i guess i spent too much time on foreplay that when the time came i just wasnt hard enough.
