I do. It's been some time since I have. Nearly two years. I decided when I "was" talking to him, that I didn't know how to handle him and he ALWAYS got the best of me, so I would just stop. I didn't want to be perma mad at him or myself, that was my justifications. Well, he still calls me at least bi-weekly. He leaves just about the same message everytime. I hate his messages. It's like he wont acknowledge our relationship is kaput. Part of the reason he calls, I'm sure of it, is to annoy me. Anyways, it's his birthday today. I want to call him, but I don't know what to say. I can just see him demanding where his birthday card is...soooo to call or not to call? That is the question.
Try writing him a letter and say everything you've always wanted to say to him, no-holds-barred, being totally and brutally honest. Then read the letter - don't actually send this draft of the letter. What is it that you want him to know? What sort of relationship (if any) do you want with him? Make the goal of your letter to convey those things to him. Do you want to stop talking to him completely and forever, or do you want to talk to him a few times a year? You ultimately have to decide what you want, and then convey to him what you want...he can't know unless you tell him. I will submit that forgiveness can free you from a lot of past trauma. Forgiveness does not mean saying that the person was right to do what they did to you - it simply acknowledges that what happened is in the past and that you are no longer going to hold a grudge. Holding grudges is never very healthy.
I just reconnected with my dad for the first time in almost 10 years. It's never to long or too late, imo. And I agree with writing a letter. It's always easier when you can go back and read over what you write, change whatever, than talking-at least for me it is.
My daughter and I reconnected about 3 yrs. ago. Not the phone call a father wants to get. It started off with a recording " you are receiving a collect phone call from an inmate of the Oregon State Dept of Corrections". It was tough the 1 st. year, while she was still in prison, constant squeeze on me for money. Didn't think she would stay out this long, she's doing OK. Some of the terms she picked up in the joint, just throw me. She called just after New Years to talk. I told her I was down with the flu. I told her we had to have the Vet put our old dog down on New Years Eve, She said "seriously?" I said "yes seriously" , "What you thought I just pulled that out of thin air". She called back later to see if I was mad. We ironed it out, as you can see it's not easy on us dad's either. Thanks for listening to a old man.......Alaskan
For those of you interested, I didn't call for a number of reasons. First off, I couldn't collect any thoughts as to what I would say to him that his response wouldn't aggrivate the crap out of me. Secondly, I kinda feel accomplished and prideful for not talking to him. And lastly, I'm chicken shit. Edited because I realize how much of a tard I sound like. Lol.
acga5 : She got manslaughter from a car crash, Fucked up drunk and on drugs. Her passenger was killed. She did 7 yrs 8 mos. locked up. Hope she learned her lesson. ....................Alaskan
Call him! You will regret it if you don't....trust me. If he annoys you say "Dad, I love you and I am going to go now" because those just may be the last words you ever say to him. Swallow your pride, pick up the phone and call him. Do NOT ask about funeral arrangements, or anything heavy. A simple "I just wanted to say hi" is the best call any parent can get. Be proud of who you are, but don't do something you will eventually regret. Remember, you don't have to talk long.
