I'm a bar baby...

It sounds like you're pretty dependent on them. I only read the thread starting post and the post below it so it maybe be way off topic now. But as someone else said, don't quit cold turkey if you're going to. The withdrawls can cause seizures and can even kill you if you're really, chronicly abusing them. And I would go to the doctor, psychiatrist, or psychologist(whatever one deals with that social anxiety thing) and see if you do have it, then you can get your shit legally and you won't have to worry about the supplier running out, then you end up going through withdrawls and shit. But the anxiety might just be because you're used to being really chilled on the Xanax, and when you're not on them you don't have that, you feel really anxious and uncomfortable. If its that it would go away after a while.

 

i had a bud who went to rehab for "bars" they actually got them perscribed and the script was carefully monitored so they would ween off. i strongly suggest this if you have the means and the willpower. i had an addiction to hillbilly heroin (oxycodone) but i decided it was killing my testosterone levels so i kicked it. you really should quit.

 

I had to stop for a day while I was trying to find more bars. I was totally quaking. I want some professional help, but what about my job? Will they find out? I have bills to pay, I can't get fired.
I'm going to MN to visit my dad for Christmas (for 7 days), taking bars on a plane isn't the greatest idea in case I'm caught with them, but I don't want to stop cold turkey and freak out my family by being a twitchy, brain fucked, withdrawal psycho.
Oddly my Mom chose today to tell me she's getting a boob job at age 40, I almost had a panic attack, well I did. I was shaking and I had to go to my room, I can't handle avg life even without them. It's really scary, I wish I'd never had anyone offer me a bar, I wish I'd never done drugs, I wish I could re live my life and do things differently. I feel like a total loser, I'm a stupid drug addict. This is what I amount to. I hate myself.

 

http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/facilitylocatordoc.htm http://www.drugabuse.gov/

Good luck to you...

 

I can sympathize with you having a social anxiety disorder myself. Maybe not to the degree you described. For me I'm always anxious in anticipation of a social event or meeting new people but once I'm actually at the event or meeting the person it's easier for me. But still I know what it's like to have to fear being in public or meeting someone new. It's incredibly frustrating when you know there's just no good reason for feeling the way you do but you just can't help it.

I've taken Xanax a couple times and they do make it so much easier to go out in public and interact. But I recognized quickly it was gonna become a crutch and stopped completely and haven't touched the things in 3yrs. Yeah, it still sucks having to fear new people and settings but I just grit and bare it. No matter how uncomfortable it is I force myself to just get up and deal with it. That's all you can do.

You sound like you're already addicted so I can only reccomend biting the bullet and seeking professional help. Yeah, it will definitely suck and probably be the hardest thing you've ever been through. But a year or two of unpleasentness is far better than a lifetime of addiction. Most employers should be understanding if you're willingly seeking treatment and your performance at work isn't suffering. You also have the advantage of having a Xanax addiction. Due in part to things like that Oprah episode, addiction to prescrips isn't frowned upon nearly as much as something like cocaine or heroin. I would expect your employer to have some compassion unless the company has a zero tolerance policy or something.

Also I don't have a prescription for it but my mom has been letting me take some of her Lexapro and they work wonders. Once she runs out I'll be paying a visit to the doctor to get my own.

You're only 19. You've still got a lot of time to get clean and turn your life around. Way too many people wait until it becomes an overwhelming problem and even then if they do manage to get clean their life is still in shambles from the years of abuse. Don't let it happen to you. You seem like an intelligent person and the fact that you realize you have a problem at this stage gives you a good headstart on beating this thing. Good luck. PM me if you ever wanna talk about your illness.

 

tommorow's my day off, and I'm going to find a dr and go. Like today I was seriously thinking about killing myself because I simply hate life, and I'd rather die young than be old with problems. My step dad has like loaded guns in two corners of our house because all these animals always come in our yard we live in the country. I told him they made me uncomfortable and I don't like them around. I don't think I would actually do it, I'd be too scared but I've never thought about it so seriously, I think I'm getting really depressed because of all this. I just want to be normal again.

 

please see a doctor, or call one of the numbers on the links I provided. Life can be good...

I was hooked on Valium and painkillers. My mother has been addicted to everything, up to and including crack. My sister was a junkie. All of us are basically clean now. you can and will get over this, I promise. Feel free to email me.

Good luck to you.

 

Midnight, please, can someone drive you to the Emergency Room? Can you call an ambulance? I am serious, I am MORE concerned about your pain and anxiety than the drugs themselves. You are in this fix NOT because you are an addict, but because you have an anxiety disorder. This CAN be helped, but you need immediate help. If you are already looking at ways to hurt yourself, some inpatient time might be helpful, it isn't something to be afraid of. You will be in a safe place where people will HELP you. Please call your doctor or the ER NOW. Someone will talk to you and help you.

None of us here know where you are, or who you are, so you need to talk to someone near you who can help. Please either call your doctor and talk to him NOW or go to the emergency room.

Please get some help for the anxeity.

 

yo I'm not going to the emergency room. I think I'm going through a depression that is drug induced. Right now I'm trying to ween myself of the bars, if that's possible. I seem to be getting less depressed, but it's probably drug induced. I don't don't know if I can go to the doctor, I looked up a family medical Dr but theyre closed fri-sun, so I have a number to call and make an appt. I don't think I could actually hurt myself, I'm scared of a paper cut. It's just I get so depressed I have disturbing thoughts.

 

Sorry, I was just trying to help. Where there is smoke, there is fire. I take suicide threats seriously.

Sorry if I took that seriously.

Is there only ONE doctor in your area? Call someone else, call the hospital. You need a doctor who specializes in anxiety, not some Internist who won't be able to treat your problem. People abuse drugs because of a NEED, yours seems to be anxiety related. "Family doctors" and Internists are notorious for not getting psychiatric diagnoses wrong, as well as having no idea how to treat them.

Call the hospital, they can give you a referal to a doctor who can really help.