Isn't it sad that the only time I feel good about myself and don't have to worry about anything is when I'm drinking?
I think it's sad that so many of us have similar issues. I only feel good about myself when I'm hungry..........
well, i'm thankfully coming out of it. shit was so hard for so long, it's still relentless, but i've finally started scarring over. thankfully i have the husband i have and the family i have. i also just plain don't do well in the wintertime. especially around the holidays. my family used to be so unutterably fucked up that it's like a pavlovian response. the winter holidays show up and i have to get drunk to deal with it and sleep a lot. but i'm married to clark w. griswold. i actually had to swallow my pride and get on a medication. i'd also had to get some counseling for a load of repressed rage. all that rage builds up in you and turns self-directed. you end up hating yourself. i don't have QUITE the anger management issues i used to have, but anyone who's been around here long enough has likely seen me blow a fuse. i don't mean to, and i try to make up for it later, but sometimes i just see red. at least i don't hit. but words, man, words can be a lot worse than fists a lot of the time. i dunno, we're complicated creatures, us humans. having issues is a natural outcome of that. but if it's relentless and causing your to hurt yourself (with drugs, alcohol, whatever your poison) it's time to seriously seek help for it. and there's SO MANY different ways that are effective to different degrees for different people.
