Life's Purpose - Old Crone Please, Others Also Welcome

I started hanging around on this forum around a year or so ago. I've tended to avoid asking for readings or advice in general. I wanted to try to develop my own gifts, and frankly I suspect some stinginess on the part of the spirits to grant me any special knowledge about my situation. Years ago, when I was 20 years old, I had an apparently spiritually and psychically superior friend named Frank. Frank would frequently answer or comment on my unspoken thoughts. One time I was thinking about this, and I was just about to ask Frank how he knew my thoughts, and before I could open my mouth, Frank told me, "You already know all you need to know." So I never asked my question, but I'm still wondering about so many things.

Ever since I was a young teenager I've had the impression that people around me were trying to attract my attention to the fact that they were able to know my thoughts, and that there was some purpose in all this, pertaining to my need to grow spiritually in some way. But when I was that young I was extremely shy and inhibited, and I never spoke up or acted on my desires to know more--not until I was much older. In my mid-forties I finally got the courage to confront the people who were commenting on my unspoken thoughts. The result was that they started out by being nice to me and granting me some clues--and then they ended up treating me like vile shit, and driving me away.

The people who did this to me I now consider spirit guides. Yet I still harbor extreme anger and resentment toward them for treating me this way. And I still wish I knew: Why are they treating me so badly? What is the purpose of all this? Sometimes I think I know some answers, but so often I just feel like I'm flailing helplessly and aimlessly.

I would like some more clues regarding the reasons for all these painful experiences and my life's purpose in general. Old Crone, I'm specifically hoping you'll give me some of your insights, but I'm grateful to anyone on this forum who might have some thoughts for me.

Thank you all.

 

i was plagued with tragedies my whole life. i had major "what the FUCK???!!!!!!" moments wondering what the hell i did to deserve the life i got. one day in meditation a guide told me that it was to prepare me for my work...to teach me empathy...so that when clients come in pain i don't dismiss it because i know EXACTLY what it feels like to suffer. many years later when i started doing readings full time it paid off. i was able to really relate to my clients and they to me because not only was i picking up stuff for them intuitively i was also able to share my own personal experience with them.


zenzi i figure you are an old old soul...you took care of the easy lives many lives ago...now you are doing your "masters" in this life....its NEVER easy!!!

 

Hi Zengizmo

Thank you for asking for my thoughts. From here your Aura looks like rain. Rain in all the possabilities rain has within the very creation, and balances that hold not to restraints. As you seek often to hide, you find the inner Being craves for strength, and openness. Your Energy Body, looks like a never ending Rain Forest with all the contradictions, and wonders that are missed by those who do not go the distance to see, and understand all that is part, and one with you. In your Elemental Body you hold, this life time, the position of awareness. Your Spirit name is Beautiful One.

Your life purpose is for understanding, growth, and to be true to what calls you into the light of awareness. Better understanding comes in knowing your past several life times have been in, and around an orphanage. I belive this was for the purpose of healing you on different levels.
This all began when you were once labled a changeling in a mystical order because you had power within you they both feared, wanted, and could not tap into. You believed what they said, and have sought on some level within you to fear, hide, and seek acceptance of like minds.

To doubt yourself is to invite questions to come in. To empower your Being is to know what ever questions you have, you also have the answer inside.. Struggles, like blessings are places of awareness that stretch the heart. As we enter each from a place of graditude we find we live with open vulnerability that becomes our greatest strength. People treated you the way they did because that was who they were. This is not yours. When you change the perception, you change the awareness of what you feel you understood. So see their role as theirs, Not Yours. Release's the anger, and rage to a place of understanding that the gift of love is born from within each heart, and each must choose for themselves how they will grow this love. Some people are jealouse, and cruel. Do not take this personally. They are choosing their own place of awareness. The reason their words, and actions hurt you so much, is because on some level you believed them, and gave your power away for their limited awareness. The gift of love in order to grow, you must first give to your self.

Often we see others, expecially those close to us as we would Have (judge) them, not necessarly as they are, but as we wish to see them. They in turn will often act out our vision for them, or prove us right. This is called energy creation. This is what you did, and came through this time to face as a pattern in past lives that you wanted to break. What we imagine we create. What we create becomes our truth. In this we become co-creator of an agreed reality that has two expressions Fear, or Love. Each individual must choose. In this way your belief structures your whole reality. Knowing, thought embraced by emotions manifest a self appointed reality. So yes we can change the reality we are living in by how we percieve our self, and the situations, and people around us.

The circle of awareness filters through layers of logic, emotions, mind, expectations, and perceptions. The Spirit, Soul, Flesh, and Heart mirrors this journey we are here to face in these places. What we are doing here is learning, valdatating our existance, and growth, and being responsable within the respect, and integrity within us. For how we treat others, is how we see our self.

Because your Elemental Body holds the position of awareness, You will walk with the seven elements of change. Earth, Fire, Water, Spirit, Air, Light. Dark. This offers you a unique path in both a collective, and an individual reality.

So people treated you the way they did because thats who they are, and how they see the little self inside them. The purpose in all this was you helped each other see, and face this place, so as you each choose you could move beyond the patterns you wish to let go of. The reason for these "painful" experiences is so we might understand pain is holding on to an attachment that was not made to be held on to. Kind of like trying to embrace a porky pine. There are ramifications to the choice's we make. We will only see others as deeply as we see our self. We will only love others as deeply as we love our self. We will only be the victims as long as we so choose. This is a co-dependent society. When we learn to stop buying into the program, we will begin to release the baggage, so to speak, and Be who we are...Spirit having a human experience.

What is your life purpose...to draw that to you which you wish to learn from, experience, and grow from. We are the senses of the I Am, and God Self. Until we know we are fractured, wounded, or lost, will we not understand that we can also choose to be whole, well, and found from within, knowing Wholeness has need of us to be one again.

 

This is exactly what I've told myself and others at other times--when I was feeling stronger. Right now I'm not feeling so strong. And probably when I get stronger again I'll see the purpose you're describing more clearly and be more okay with it.

I think this thread of mine is sort of like going in for a psychic massage and pedicure. I probably just needed some attention. LOL I feel better already--thank you for dropping by--and I know you're right.

I'd like to think I'm at the "masters" level...but somehow I think I have a long spiritual road ahead of me. Yes, I feel like my life has been hard--but then I read the news every day, and I think about the tragedies other people need to deal with, and I think my problems ain't nuthin--but they ARE something, at least to me.

My spirit guide, the one I call Emily, told me once in a face-to-face conversation that a psychic SHE had visited (a very gifted one) had told her that in a previous life she had been a healer of children, and that she had been accused of witchcraft and burned alive at the stake. I'm wondering if that experience was what earned her the privilege of her amazing psychic abilities in this life. And I wonder if I need to eventually experience something that hard in order to make the kind of spiritual progress she seems to have made--and yet even in this life, she still has a lot of hardships to endure. It almost makes me want to give up my anger and resentment about the awful way she ended up treating me--but not quite.

 

Old Crone, thank you for answering my call. There's a lot here to ponder, so I'm going to hold off responding until I've digested your note some more.

 

Hi Zengizmo

I do understand, Take your time. Also take what rings true for you, and let the rest go.

Just posted a new entry in my personal forum titled Ho, Yat~tat~nay which might help in understanding as well. Sometimes the best awareness is that which has seasoned within our own heart, and soul.

Pay attention to your dreams during this time of searching within you. They will offer much healing, answers, and understanding as well.

 

Thank you, aireal. I'm interested in reading the new entry in your personal forum.

Speaking of dreams...this morning I awoke from a dream that I hardly remember except for a couple of things. I was having interactions with a woman I hadn't known before, and I wanted to write down the events in this new relationship, and to note the nuances of my feelings about it. So I started to write, but I was writing in black ink on black paper, and my pen wasn't working very well so I had to retrace my letters in order to make the writing at all readable.

And then the alarm clock buzzed.

 

Old Crone, I read your newest entry in your personal forum, as you suggested, and as I was reading the light started to go on. Thank you so much.

 

Perhaps our minds are hard-wired in a fashion we can never fully understand or comprehend the spirit realm so generation after generation of humankind will live out there lives like a dog chasing after it’s tail in a perpetual circle



Hotwater

 

LOL Thank you, hotwater, these thoughts are just what I needed to lift me out of the doldrums. LOL Do I owe you anything for this therapy session?

 

I'll just assume the check is in the mail

As open minded as we sometimes like to believe we are, perhaps we're just not truly prepared to accept what lies beyond :H



Hotwater

 

expecting life to have a purpose, like any expectation, creates opportunity for pain.

the unseen isn't about purpose. like the seen, it is simply there.

purpose is entirely optional, but i can whole heartedly recomend creating and exploring, along with of course, the avoidance of causing suffering.

hug your invisible friends, but avoid leaving avoidance of harm to chance.

=^^=
.../\...

 

Do you know something I don't? If so, don't hesitate to break the news to me. You can even use multisyllabic words, if you need to.

 

Okay, okay, yeah...it's the Zen thing, when you sit, you must sit without expectations, and simply put your whole being into sitting.

Very unsatisfying, themnax. What are you, a Buddhist or something?

Hmmm I'm not so sure about that...seems to me a great deal of the "created" universe is unseen--speaking specifically of spirits, which I consider part of creation--anything that is not the most basic essence is created...though I acknowledge what ummm somebody once said: "God made the universe out of nothing, but sometimes the nothing shows through." Still, in the workings of the spiritual matrix I do believe there is purpose. If I were to just stop caring about that, and to devote myself to "nothing"...but I'm just not there yet, themnax.

Well I DID create and explore, and I got myself kicked quite thoroughly in the butt for it...though I do admit I came away with some incredible experiences and memories. Avoid causing suffering? That would apply to myself as well as others...but I'm just not there yet.

As Popeye the Sailor Man said, "I yam what I yam." And why not leave it to chance? If, as you say, purpose is optional...

 

Hmmm...no reply to my last post.

NOT leaving avoidance of harm to chance implies a purpose in life, doesn't it? Above all - most important above all else - let's not kid ourselves...either life has a purpose or it doesn't - which is it? Should I refrain from leaving avoidance of harm to chance, which implies purpose in life, or should I abandon all purpose in life? Let's think these things through to their logical conclusion...

 

Sorry my dear friend. I've been dealing with my own issues about life and death and trial and tribulation.... the purpose of life is such a complex issue. What does someone forsee in your future? .... you're blocked up like Fort Knox, perhaps to protect yourself, perhaps this is how you're hard-wired so that you may learn your lesson about being patient and waiting for the answers that are supposed to come to you.

You and I are so alike... gluttons for pnishment, it seems, seeking what hurts us the most as the route that we want to travel. I've learned strength and patience, and not to be so damn naive, but I don't know what else..... Haha. I'm sure I will. One day, I know this will all be wroth the time and effort I've put forth.

When I'm down, which I have been a lot lately, I try to remind myself that everything happens for a reason, and whatever is thrown at me next is what's supposed to happen in order for me to grow and learn as I'm supposed to. It's hard to do at times, but it's something I believe whole-heartedly, and it gives me much comfort.

Hope all is well.... we must catch up. Until then, much love to you!

 

Des10e, so good to hear from you - I was thinking about you today, wondering, and hoping you were doing okay.

The mood that prompted this whole thread was definitely one of the darkest I've had the joy to experience. And it's not an unusual mood, though certainly also not typical.

Last night I went to the video store to find a movie to rent. I wanted something really different and amazing. Up until then my favorite movie was Fight Club. But I asked my treacherous spirit/human friend Emily to help me find what I was looking for, and I ended up taking home a movie called Tideland. Since last night I've watched it four times, and it's been a bit of a liberation. The director of the movie, Terry Gilliam, ended up putting a little speech at the beginning of the movie to try to prepare the "average viewer" to understand how the hell to watch the movie. I hated that. I felt he was being apologetic, instead of letting his vision speak for itself, and damn the cost.

And this brought me strength, because I realized then that I'm fighting the same kind of battle Giliam is fighting: The battle for honesty with oneself and openness about who we are and what it is to be human. And as Gilliam has discovered and tried to compensate for, the vast majority of people are not open to this kind of honesty and openness. And what also gave me strength was seeing that I "got" the movie the very first time - I laughed and I cried, and I accepted the experience without reservation, as apparently very few other viewers have done.

I believe as you do, my dear friend, that everything happens for a reason. And maybe our black moods are part of this. It struck me today that I really WANT my life to encompass extremes of experience, that otherwise it would feel dull and pointless, and I would get to the end of my life asking myself, "What was the point of that?" It's very, very hard sometimes - and sometimes it gets the better of me. But when I'm strong, I thank God for giving me such a rich experience, for stretching my boundaries to the point that I can view a film like Tideland and get it the first time. As you say, gluttons for punishment...and I think it's necessary to plunge into the depths, in order to be able to rise to the heavens.

I'm always here, dear. Much love to you also.

 

I'll write you soon, love. I've been under the weather in addition... long story there, too. Let's just say six hours in the ER subjects you to a lot of stuff that's going around.

 

Jeezus - yeah, when in the ER it's best not to breathe or touch anything. You've been through a lot, sweetie, and I think you're in a weakened state. Don't be in a rush to make any big efforts - just take your time, rest, and get stronger.

 

Old Crone, I just re-read this note, in a different, more positive frame of mind, and I got a lot more out of it this time.

It seems to me that my spirit guide Emily treated me in some sense the way my wounded self felt I deserved to be treated. I don't exclusively believe I deserve to be treated that way - but she concentrated on the negative, and she did this to such an extreme degree that I couldn't ignore it - it has been right in front of me for four years now, demanding my attention. And yes, what she confronted me with was my own wounded self-doubts, and in doing so she acted as a part of myself, strongly exaggerated. So as you said, in a way, dealing with her behavior toward me means dealing with my own wounded self-image. To confront her cruelty toward me, I need to confront my own cruelty toward myself, and in so doing I can potentially heal myself.

And it helps me to articulate all this, so it becomes more solidly entrenched in my conscious mind. And it requires awareness - these exeriences have made me more aware of what I'm doing to myself.

Becoming more open is a challenge for me, and it requires me to heal the wounds, and to love myself.

I think I'm getting your message much more clearly now. Thank you again, and love to you.