How to know if he's gay? & How to make my first move?

Hi, im new on here - so be kind lol.

Anyway i know theres probably been loads of people asking this same question but i really needed some help specific to this situation.

I have a massive crush (borderline love) for a friend of mine, but it aint that simple.

About me, im 18 still in the closet. He is the same age and we have known each other for 4 years. We are alot alike both being raised by a single mum.

The problem is i really want to know if hes gay aswell, but are confused. He is not what you would call sterotypically "gay" but dose have tendencies such as staring at me when we make eye contact, never had a proper girlfriend (although he has kissed girls), he makes physical contact with me at every opportunity where it would be seen as acceptable. He also has alot of friends which are girls, yet dosn't date them despite them obviosly making attempts to get with him.

The main problem is that we both play on the same rugby team, and during the past year we have grown to become best friends. If i confront him about being gay, how will i go about it and what happens if im wrong? I dont wanna spoil a great friendship and also dont want the rest of the rugby team finding out.

He has never said anything about himself or anyone else being gay exept for one occasion:
We where out on the town one nite, getting very drunk when he points out a openly gay guy to me and a few others, i replied saying i already know the guy. He looks at me surprised and asks how i know him and i say "friend of a friend". Later that night (After shootin 10 sambucas in a row) i am walking home and i decide to send him a text, along he lines of "I love you, you are a sex god!" I wake up in the morning and the reply i see is " Fuck off you queer ****!" - Not what i wanted.

That text is the only anti gay, thing he has ever let show, but that was months ago and i am still thinking he's gay.

What should i do?

I know the obvious thing is to just ask him, but how do i know if he' lying?

 

that's a tough one since your still in the closet. i wouldn't wanna risk losing the friendship. careful now because if it doesn't turn out that he's gay he either will accept you or not. if he doesn't, word will spread like wildfire even reaching your family. if your ready for everyone to know your gay and willing to risk that friendship then ask him. maybe ask him about gay subjects.

 

How good of a friend is he? If he IS really your best friend, he wouldn't care if you asked him if he was gay or what the deal was with him not having a proper gf....but thats something you have to decide, we can't do that for you. All I'm saying is that if he truely is your friend, then nothing will come of it if he's not....if he is gay, then by all means you have a partner in crime...and quite possibly the makings of a relationship in the department of 'friends with benefits'....good luck!

 

i would be wary of anyone who called you a "queer ****"...

 

i wouldn't, everyone thinks that i am more heterosexual than elton john is gay but in actual fact it's almost the opposite and they all think i'm a cynical homophobe. in truth i'm not, but gays tend to annoy me a hell of a lot, not because they're gay but because some obviously seem to feel as though they HAVE to conform to the stereotypes for attention. what i'm trying to say is that what people say, how they behave, and how they respond to certain things is no good indication of their sexuality. i mean of course it is sometimes obvious but it's difficult to tell for 100% sure.

and the best thing to do is just ask him straight out without fucking about BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE READY TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES. make sure you're are being honest with yourself and not just subconsciously seeing him as gay because you want him to be.

if you're still not sure, just casually pursue it in a conversation at the right time place etc. (preferably with alcohol) but don't push it and see what truths he divulges in. and then decide how to go about it.