hey everyone! i havent been here in a good while, so i figured i'd make a post. anyways, at this alternative school im going to now, 3 out of 4 of my daily classes are on the computer. its through a program called novanet, which i've used for part of every year ive been in high school thus far. its a really awesome program. well, thus far i've finished english 12, us government, economics, and am within a day or 2 of finishing chemistry. ive had to request new classes, because once i finish chemistry, i'll have nothing to do for 3/4ths of the day. so...yay! i love getting things done and out of the way. i feel so accomplished. on a more negative note, something reallllly bad happened last weekend. i invited my little sister to come vist me and my grandma's, because i wanted to give her her birthday present. well we got to talking, and in a heart to heart moment i confided in her a secret. i told her about our fathers...indiscretions with me as a child. i did it for several reasons; i wanted to know, first off, if she had any memories similar to mine. secondly, i just needed to fucking tell SOMEONE about it and i felt like i could trust her. big mistake. huge. i swore her to secrecy, but whats the first thing she does? goes home and calls our father. within an hour of her leaving i have an angry call from him, in which i have to play totally dumb. too many things in my life right now depend on his good graces. either way, ive denied the issue straight down the line, and he seems exceedingly willing to forget it. so in the end things are okay, but im still very upset with her. but im also upset with myself. i feel like that was too heavy of a load to put on her mind and heart, and it wasn't fair of me to do. but the feeling of anger is mutual, because in calling him she asked if it was true. i don't know what she expected him to say, but he obviously said no. so who does she believe? daddy dearest, of course. now she feels that i lied to her in order to...hell, i have no idea what she thinks my intent would have been. she won't speak to me. so family matters are, as always, a mess. i even tried making peace with my mother before all this happened and she said simply that she doesn't want to speak to me. but at least i tried. so thats that. at least school is going well.
