Hiccups and Speed Bumps

So it's late at night and I'm ranting, but I need an outlet.

Every relationship that is worthwhile has it's problems... just so happens this is one of them.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years. We understand each other very well and everything works out pretty well, otherwise I doubt it would've lasted as long as it has. We're both in college, we live together, he's a visual arts major graduating after this semester and I'm a musical theater business marketing double major graduating in... two years (damn transfer credits).

So everything is peachy-keen except whenever important "couple" dates come up, we always seem to spend them angry at each other. Our one year anniversary was dismal, as I recall, and tonight, Valentines Day is much the same. Of course, I'm convinced that I'm right, and he's convinced he's right, so I'm bringing in a third party.

He has tons of pressure on him right now. He's about to graduate, he's looking at grad school in New Zealand, trying to get internships, strapped for cash, has six studio classes, and so on and so forth. I'm taking nine classes at 19 credit hours, even more strapped for cash, buried under school work, and I'm in the college production of Cabaret. Needless to say, we're worked down to our nerves and sometimes things can be volatile.

So here's what went down tonight. We didn't have anything planned because we're both drowning in school. We sit at home and watch tv, cuddle, eat dinner, spend time together. He is sullen and gloomy the entire time. I ask if there is anything I can do to help, he responds with "same shit, different day." This goes on for a few hours, I'll venture a helping hand again, just to get turned down. So, we decide to go get a movie. On the way out, I ask him if he is burning himself out (since he's done it before, he has always been very outspoken about changing things if they're shitty). He responds with a nod and I tell him that I'm worried about him and things need to change. He says he can't change anything because he has to get all this shit done. Instead of get angry, I decide I don't want to deal with it anymore and that I'll just stay home. So he drives off, I'm at home, we're both fuming and stewing...

So, sorry the post is so long, it's a lot to read, but I'm frustrated and need someone besides myself to reason this out with.

 

don't take this the wrong way, but he has shit he needs to do and you have shit you need to do and you each need to focus on your own dilemmas. As much as you want to help him get through this, maybe he just needs to go at it alone. I know it's hard to take the back seat and watch someone you love so much struggle with something but that can only make him stronger. He's got a lot on his mind right now I'm sure, but offer yourself to be there when he needs and asks for help. That'll mean more in the long run.

 

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Hmm, maybe just give him some space. Sounds like he has a lot on his mind. I guess just focus on your schooling too for now and try to enjoy your off time with him with no drama if possible. Maybe ask if he needs any help with his work? Or do some sort of activity he really enjoys?

 

Sometimes I wonder if we're both bipolar. Today everything is fine, we talked about it and everything is smoothed over and forgiven. Our tiffs like this one are definitely a rarity, I just want to work it out now so it doesn't have to happen again.

 

Jeez, would you look back over your post and read the amount of stress you are both under! Wow! It's amazing you guys can function at all with the loads you're both got. Scharwz and 87s hit it dead on...it's chill time. Defuse as much of the stress as you can and try to be there for each other. Sometimes being there for the other guy means just laying low and waiting. If you guys make it through all this I'd say you've got something good going.

 

gotta chime in with what Scharwz, 87 and yarapario said.

 

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lol @ calisouth and i hope things have changed for the better for you Z. As our friend calisouth put it, New Zealand is the hint. Don't go overboard with the helping hand.