hey, this is the first time i posted some of my work in an open forum, most the stuff ive read here seems to be poetry but since what im doing is still expression in the form of writing, i feel i can still post them here p.s., sorry bout it all being in capitols, but thats how i started typing up my lyrics and i guess i got into a habit of it its titled Helpless LOST MY LIMITS NOW AND IVE LOST ALL CONTROL NOW IT LEAVES ME HELPLESS AND CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR IVE GOT NO ONE SHALLOW OR DEEP IVE GOT NOTHING NOTHING I WANNA KEEP MASSIVE HOLES WHERE MY COMPASSION USED TO BE THEY GET FILLED WITH FURY AT WHAT HAS NOT HAPPENED IT CAN ONLY BE MY FAULT AS I WAS IGNORANT BUT ITS NOT ANYONE ELSE I HAD A CHOICE A SINGLE VOICE, STILL LIVES INSIDE OF ME A SINGLE VOICE, STILL WHISPERS IN MY EAR THEIR NOT SINGING, BUT NOT TALKING I AM THE VOICE, TO GUIDE YOU THROUGH AND GUIDE YOU THROUGH NOTHING I AM LOST WITH NO GUILT AND NO PAIN MASSIVE HOLES WHERE MY COMPASSION USED TO BE THEY GET FILLED WITH FURY AT WHAT HAS NOT HAPPENED IT CAN ONLY BE MY FAULT AS I WAS IGNORANT BUT ITS NOT ANYONE ELSE I HAD A CHOICE BUT ITS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THAT MADE ME WHO I AM MY BETRAYAL AND MY END MY DAMAGE NEVER HEALS MY ISOLATION AND MY HATE MY NOTHING FROM WITHIN I CANNOT GET ANYTHING GOOD FROM THIS AND WHAT I CAN GET WILL WILL REPEAT IT ALL AGAIN AND WHAT HAPPENED, HOW DID I CHANGE INSIDE WHAT DID I LOSE AND WHAT CANT I GAIN
I really don't understand people who post their lyrics. I hate to be discouraging to someone who's posting their writing for the first time, but the only way I can see this working is if you have really solid music to back it up-- and I think in your case, it would have to be absolutely amazing. It sounds like a typical teenager whining about typical teenage things like being depressed and feeling lost and having nowhere to turn. Oh, and endless amounts of self-pity. I'm not saying that there have never been songs about that before, and sometimes people really like those kinds of songs (well, teenagers anyway), but if you're going to post lyrics without music then maybe you should try having something to say first. I mean, something besides 'life sucks'. Maybe you could tell a story about something interesting that happened to you. Or maybe you could write about your mom and how nice she is. Maybe you could write about someone you know and how much fun it is to be their friend. All of those things would be more interesting and have more point to them than yet another teenager whining about how awful his life is and not even really having a reason for it. Or if there is a reason, then you should write about that.
word^ if you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all personally i think it has a lenny kravitz feel to it, the first couplet especially. nice use of enjamberment throughout. you have to read into it, like all songs, to appriciate it as best you can
First of all, thanks for the input, thats the first time ive heard anything negative about my lyrics and its about time someone actually gave me some criticism. my life is actually going very well at the moment, and i do write about the "bad stuff" that has happened to me, but i dont feel comfortable posting them cause they say exactly what has happened, i prefer to be more metaphorical, but most of the time, like you said, it ends up all sounding like "my life sucks" i do have some ideas for music, but im a drummer, not a gutarist or pianist so its a bit hard to come up with melodic music for it. I actually do see a point of posting lyrics here, this is the "writers forum" isnt it, and if im not mistaken i am actually writing. Lyrics are a form of poetry -bob
First of all-- I think it shows real integrity that you didn't take what I said too personally or get defensive about it. I really wish more people would follow your example. Second-- it's not always a bad idea to write about pain, but if you don't explain why you're feeling the way you are, then it's hard to identify. You may have a very good reason for it but unless you're willing to share that reason then there's not much point in writing anything. Just generally feeling shitty doesn't make people want to listen to you. When you're writing, you have to be completely open but failing that at least be clear about things... if you start holding things back, it won't come out right or it won't communicate anything. Sometimes, you have to reach past your surface feelings into that strange and potentially creepy part of yourself and write about what's there... no matter how embarrassing or offensive it might seem. If you broke up with your girlfriend, write about that. If you like men, write about that. If you have a weird fetish that no one understands... well, you get the picture. Just being angry or sad doesn't say much about who you are.
yeh i understand what your saying, thanks for the advice i do write heaps of stuff that say excatly what has happened to me, but for some reason i thought i would be better of posting these lyrics, if i can find some of them that i think are good i may post them here in the future and see what people think of them
