won't pick up phone

My girlfriend and I have a long distance relationship.

Anyways I brought up the idea of separating for a while due to some problems we had the last time I visited her. Once we talked it was fine again.

Then about a week later, it started bothering me again so I didn't call her on 2 separate days (we always talked every night). The second time it seemed she was mad, and brought up the idea of trying out separating for while as I initially suggested.

I agreed to it, and said she could see other guys in the meantime. She said no it's not a breakup, just a temporary thing. She asked me if I would see other girls, and I said I wouldn't.

Anyways, about 2 months has gone by, and she never called. Finally I threw in the towel and called her.

She picked up the phone, but never said a word. I talked, but she never talked back. After about 3 minutes of me asking her to talk, and asking if she wants to break up, I finally hung up.

I called back again, this time she didn't pick up. I left a voicemail for her, saying it's obvious she wants to break up, and told her never to call me again.

Anyways, this is bothering me quite a bit, and I need your advice on what I should do here, and what do you think is on her mind? Why would she do this?

 

What should you do? It depends on what you want to do. You told her never to call again, which means you acknowledged that you're officially no longer a couple. So what do you want to do now? Do you want to get back together with her or do you want to move on with your life?

As for what she was thinking when she was giving you the silent treatment, here's my theory:

If it was just a simple matter of her wanting to move on and breaking up with you, she could have told you that herself. But she gave you the silent treatment, which is a passive-aggressive way of saying "yeah, I'm breaking up with you but I'm also pissed off at you and I don't feel like explaining to you why." That's just a theory though.

 

Walk away now and save yourself a lot of trouble.

 

Is it worthwhile for me to call her again and apologize? Or try to get some explanation?

 

pff, youre both being childish. you "gave in" and called your girl? jeez. shes childish too, dont get me wrong, but this is behaviour id expect more from people in their teens than their thirties

sounds like yall werent a great fit, id recommend moving on

 

I agree with the above...

I would just move on because chances are this will probably happen again... and again... and again...

 

If it has been 2 months with no contact then it is over. You both may have needed space, but usually there is still some sort of contact. I am with everyone else that says "move on." Don't bother to call her again. You're too old to be caught in these high school games for a long distance relationship. You ended it with your voicemail....keep it that way!

It's Friday, so go out tonight and have some fun!

 

Yes it's over. I've come to accept the reality.

The only thing I'm just unresolved about is why she chose to end things this way. It really shouldn't be THAT hard for her to tell me it's over is it?

Anyways, I called again today, obviously she didn't pick up. It went to voicemail and I just said calmly that "We did share lots of good memories together. I know you're probably upset and don't want to talk to me. I hope that one day when you are ready, you can call me or email me and let me know."

Hopefully one day she does let me know. If nothing else we can be friends, instead of this strange, "I don't know you you don't know me" status.

 

That's good man. Just don't call again.

 

She called back and said we should break up. I explained to her that I was subliminally sabotaging our relationship before because I changed girlfriend too quickly, and that my ex kept on making me feel guilty over the breakup.

She then tells me she was upset I didn't send her flowers for Valentine's, and I explained to her that I needed that month off to clear my mind and get things settled away with the ex.

Anyways, she still wants to end things, and I guess that's where it will stay. However it did seem like there was some hope in her words.

 

Just forget it...

What's the point? She says it's over...move on. Doesn't really matter the reasoning, does it?

It takes two yeses to have a relationship, but only one no to NOT have one. Remember that.

 

Why bother with a long distance relationship anyways? IMO you should never get serious with someone that you can not see at least once a week. Its cool if you find someone you like and you can date them whenever you are in town or whatever, but in reality what do you think the odds are that its going to be a managomous relationship even if you or the other person says it is. I guess I just can't really understand having a long distance thing when there are plenty of attractive and available women local.

 

Okay, I can't say that I didn't feel the same way you do once upon a time, but that was before I met my boyfriend. We went to the same school, and it never really registered that he lived in Maine and I lived in New York because we saw each other every day. When his financial aid was revoked (long story) and he had to go back home to finish school, I was so hopelessly lost. I didn't know how we would ever make it work. But I think, because we had a year together, practically smothering each other, that gave us the basis for the relationship that we needed to keep it going.

I've never really thought that you could have a real relationship with someone you met online and only talked to on the phone. I know that when he and I go for a certain amount of time without seeing each other, he starts to feel like a stranger to me, and I begin to resent even picking up the phone to talk to him, because I feel like it isn't him... it's a box...

To the OP, I think this relationship is over. How often did you guys see each other? If it was several months between visits, the relationship probably just died on its feet. It's really hard to maintain a connection with someone when all you hear is a ringtone and a digitized voice. We can't help it. It's just the way we're wired. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" may be true in some cases (you appreciate the time you have together more), but if it goes on for too long, there's just nothing left to hang on to.

 

Maybe you're in love with them and you just have to be apart for a little while...

*shrugs* you're very cynical.

 

I don't think I am cynical, more like realistic.



Maybe if you have a very strong bond from the start, you cannot really form a bond with someone who you can't see very often, especially since maybe your idea of this person and the way they are may be skewed. I would say if you were in a realtionship with someone for a a while, and really formed a close bond, and then were seperated by distance it could last for a while, but not indefinitely.

I guess I see the physical part of a relationship as being very important, and essetial to keeping it going. I see all these people obsessed with people they never see, only do be disappointed with them later on, and the reason is because they do not really 'know' the person that well. Then they get all upset because they think they are the only 'one' for them out there, when all you have to do is look around.

 

But since it was my fault, should I try harder to save the relationship? I mean I could leave it and keep my ego intact, or I can give it one last go and see if she will budge?

I guess I just don't like being a quitter. Now if I know there's 0% chance of success obviously I wouldn't bother trying...

 

dude, move on. she doesnt want to be involved. you pushing harder will make you come off as creepy and potentially stalker-ish. seriously, just leave it be

 

Your fear of being a "quitter" does not a relationship make. It's a little more complicated than that. If it makes you feel better, call her the "quitter" since it seems she's the one who decided not to talk to you. If you REALLY want her back (and you're not just bummed out cos you don't have anyone anymore), then maybe you could try calling her back and saying you didn't want it to end that way and asking if maybe you guys could talk. If you're not 100% sure you want her back because you love HER, not the idea of being in love with SOMEONE, then let it go. Plenty of fish in the sea.

 

The biggest thing with a long distance relationship is making sure you eventually have a plan to be together...if you're dating long distance without a definite plan to be closer...it will never work.

 

Actually I do have someone I'm interested in coming to visit me in a week or so. It's not that I'm feeling lonely. It's that I really love her, and I did f* up.

I know there's lots of ish in the sea, but the other fishes I'm not in love with.