I'm not too sure if I should be here...

Warm greetings everyone,

I posted this in another thread a while ago but really want to see what you think...

OK, this may sound really naive but I'd love to read your thoughts here, I have been pretty quick to label myself as straight during my 29 years, I'm in a long-term relationship with a guy, but have had a couple of sexual experiences with girl friends over the years. I have always been open to the idea that everyone can be sexually attractive, men and women. Anyway, I have this lesbian friend (an ex-colleague) who I totally admire, she's incredibly intelligent, funny, interesting and I have this HUGE crush on her. When I first met her I figured that my feelings were just professional admiration but lately I keep thinking about having sex with her. I haven't seen her in a while but I think that when I do catch up with her I'll just want to kiss her.

Is it a 'girl crush'? Should I do anything about it? I don't want to cheat on my partner, but I keep fantasizing about being single so that I can hook up with this woman. Can you recommend any literature/film/resources?

Probably relevant to note that I'm not attracted to any of my straight female friends. The fact that this friend is a strong, out lesbian, seemingly (to me) secure in her own sexuality is sooo attractive - is that weird? Do I just have some straight-girl infatuation with lesbianism itself?

Not sure. I appreciate any of your thoughts and advice - thanks to all who make this a great site. Have a great day

 

I don't think it's weird. We're insanely attractive, you know . There are HEAPS of books and magazines on lesbianism in general. Be warned, though, a lot of lesbians (that I know of, anyway) tend to stay away from noodle lesbians ("straight until wet", pardon my coarse language), because they have the potential to do serious damage. A lot of straight women get crushes, end up in a relationship, and decide that they were wrong after all, and don't like women. That's not to say that that's you, obviously, but I'd be wary of it.

Literature: Check out Alison Bechdel--graphic novelist/comic book author. I'm a huge fan. Also, Sarah Waters does some beautiful lesbian literature.

Movies: Tipping the Velvet is an adaptation of the Waters' book of the same name.

Kissing Jessica Stein is a movie that sounds totally appropriate to your predicament as well.

Hope that helps .

 

Also, if you happen to read Bechdel's Fun Home, let me know, and then I can rant to you about it. I'm trying to convince everyone in the forum to read it so we can all rant together.

 

It's funny - lesbians generally stay away from "curious" girls like they have two heads (get it?) but gay guys are all about messing around with straight guys - they think it's fun. (Oh, I know, crazy generalization, but it IS true-ish.)

I've done my share of experimenting too, and pretty much realized I was straight - although, maybe like you, I occasionally get crushes too and fully intend to act on them if the situation is ever right. (I'm currently in a monogamous straight relationship as well.) I'm like a 3 or 4 on the straight scale. (If 1 is straight...I can never remember which one's straight.)

lol...I just realized I don't actually have any advice. Do whatever Bocks says - she's smart. But I'm glad to hear from another woman who feels about the same about girls as I do.

 

Hey, thanks for your replies. It's nice to be able to get someone else's perspective. I'll definitely check out those books. Just wondering, where does "noodle" come from?

As you say, Bocks, I don't want get serious with her just to satisfy my own curiosity only to mess with her head/heart if it doesn't work out. I mean, if we were both single and just looking for only one night of fun then I'd totally go for it, but on calm reflection and with your wise words I think I've realized that a crush is not worth losing our friendship and my boyfriend over. Damn she's cute tho! Will admire from afar and while I read Bechdel

 

Awesome! You do that.

And Boston's straightish? I had no idea! Now I'll have to direct unfounded internet crushes elsewhere!

 

Oh! Sorry, Bocks...I probably should have made that more clear. I just like hanging out in the lesbian forum because there aren't any boys here and boys annoy me. But I do have a huge internet crush on you (what? Straight-ISH! It's not my fault you have pretty eyes!) so feel free to not re-direct yours.

 

I'm glad the internet-crushes are reciprocal! I'll let mine linger a while longer then. ;0

 

As long as you don't mind that I'm pretty much the definition of noodle lesbian.

 

Haha, that's alright! I actually love that expression, so now I know someone to personify it!

 

Ha...I'm making "The personification of noodle lesbian" my new sig line.

 

Double .

 

Er, awkward update on the saga: So I've got a job interview next week and guess who fuckn works there???! Small industries in smallish cities, eh?

 

That is weird. Have you been hanging out with her recently?