Eights Rules of Fighting Fairly Never use name-calling, slurs or insults. Also, don't make fun of your partner's body, weight or other things over which they have no control. Never refer to the person as being a certain way, rather just refer to their behavior as being a certain way. "Never criticize character—criticize behavior," Rabbi Shmuley says. Never bring your spouse's family into an argument. This will only make your partner more defensive and less willing to hear your perspective, he says. Do not speak in anger. Control your behavior and calm down before you say anything you may later regret. Don't cut each other off. Wait until your partner finishes, then state your point of view. Don't yell. Shouting and screaming is especially harmful for children to witness. "There's never an excuse for yelling," Rabbi Shmuley says. Don't go to sleep without resolving an argument. The longer an argument is drawn out, the harder it becomes to end it. It's better to stay up all night and resolve your differences than to go to bed upset, Rabbi Shmuley says. Apologize. If you hurt your spouse, you must apologize. Remember, marriage isn't about proving who's right and who's wrong—it's about having a strong, loving relationship. Today's Shmuleyism "Better to lose an argument and win a relationship, than win an argument and lose a friend."
we're pretty close to it. The only issues we have is he has a tendency to yell soemtimes and I have a tendency to be condescending. We haven't really called each other names or brought our family into it and have certainly never insulted each other's looks.
Wow. My wife and I follow all those rules and probably a few more. Another good one is, "Don't get snippy." We never laid out rules. We just respect each other and want the relationship to grow healthier and stronger every day. Sounds like bs...but she's 46 and I'm 34 and we've been through enough to know what not to do.
Thank you for posting that b/c my fiance and I have had a rough patch over the last couple months. It started when I had a mixed episode and went from "I hate you" to "I hate myself for being a horrible person" in a span of three minutes. I've been better since, but we were still getting into fights. It's hard when you get caught up in the moment in anger, but having a list to look at when I'm angry helps me control my reactions. This is both of our first serious healthy relationship, so we're still learning and breaking habits from our unhealthy relationships. We are far from perfect, but with effort, I know our relationship will be stronger in the long run. Peace and love
