Hi guys. New here, so I'm not quite sure where to start. I guess with weed, since I am in the Stoners Lounge. I've been reading these forums for a while now, and something I've noticed is that here, weed is a common thread that seems to unite you all, transcending factors of race, social status, etc. I like that. So I'm 18, graduating high school in June. I've been smoking weed for a few years now on a regular basis. But to be honest, thats really all this topics got to do with weed. I need some help, and I dont really have anywhere to turn right now. Langston Hughes once wrote "life for me, it aint been no crystal stair" God, how true that statement has become in my life. Most of my life, I've been in and out of places. Illinois, Michigan, Arizona, and right now, New York. Wherever my mom can find work for the time. When I first moved here at the beginning of this year, I got harassed everyday by a bunch of kids in school. One day I got sick of it, opened my mouth and got my ass kicked pretty bad... the video became the laughing stock of the school. To this day people walk by, point and laugh, yell pussy down the hallway etc. I've never really had any real friends, really anywhere I've lived. There were people who were nice to me, and showed me some respect, but nobody was really a true friend to me, ever. I usually spend my nights and weekends working, and just reading books watching TV, doing stuff to pass the time. Had one girlfriend in my entire life, kissed only a few times, nothing more. All the other times I try, I get rejected, time and time again, word spreads, and I get humiliated even more. About a month ago I was in a car wreck, totaled my car, and broke 4 ribs. So now I've got this strange cast on, and figures, I get even more shit in school. For the life of me, I just cant understand. Why me? Im sick of getting rejected, im sick of being laughed at, I'm sick of being alone, and I'm sick of moving... if i had one question; its "why me?" If there is a higher power up there... where the hell have you been my whole life? What the HELL did I do to deserve this. My entire life has been one thing after the other, just putting me down even more. I didnt post this looking for sympathy or pity.. honestly, I came here because I dont really have anyone else to go to... and I really cant take it anymore. I'm losing my mind, my motivation, my hope... everything that makes me me. I'm falling apart because ive been dealing with this shit so long I cant figure out how to keep myself together. If anyones got advice, input, serious thoughts.. please. Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read this and make a serious reply... it means so much more to me than you could possibly know right now.
just talk to people. i'm sure there's SOMEONE at your school who would want to be your friend. don't waste your time sitting around thinking about how you have no friends, go out and do something about it, meet people, etc. once you have one friend you'll make more friends because they'll introduce you to people. I know how you feel about moving though, my parents used to move all the time and i never stayed in one place more than a year.
Do you judge yourself negatively? If you do, then don't because self judgement is often mirrored by the people you come into contact with. There are alot of misguided, self important, egotistical, snotty nosed, holier than thou, judging, blaming, controlling, mean and cruel (i'm sure there's more) people about. ,... and you don't need them. Primarily they are the way they are because they, underneath are insecure and will project all their negative stuff onto you because they don't want to 'own' it themselves. You're just too nice for your own good and they are having their way with you and treating you like a doormat. Don't be fooled by them and don't fall into hating them back because they really don't know what they are doing. Just cast it off ... peoples opinions about you are more telling of themselves than about you. Just don't believe them because it's not real. Stick to the few, perhaps one or two people that treat you well and don't be scared to meet new people but don't go out looking for them ... just wait for them to turn up. Like attracts like and it seems to me that you are trying to gain the friendship and lifestyle of people who simply are NOT LIKE you. ie, that you are not being true to your REAL needs. So just accept the situation as it stands right now, stop trying so hard and let life bring people to you that you resonate with, although they may not be who you expect them to be. You are who you are and thats neither right or wrong. Be yourself instead of who you think people want you to be and do what YOU think is right. When it comes to all these nasty people in your life i'd just suggest learning about ego and you can google that right now. Things will change, they always do.
of the people who abuse us, we abuse ourselves the most. You should read the Four Agreements it might help your outlook on yourself and the world. It did for me. I know most of my friends came about through our mutual meetings at shows. Find a hobby you enjoy and you're bound to meet others with similar interests. Welcome!
hey, i read what u got written and i know that saying shit like 'its all right' etc would be pointless and perhaps even dishonest. to be honest i am not too good at giving advices but i would love to be your friend. forget the fact and all that crap about how two people can be friends without knowing each other. but have you asked yourself how anyone can know anyone else? its all stupid. you dont have to know someone else to be a friend. neither do you ecessarily have to be with someone physically all the time to be a friend. just the fact that you exist makes you a friend of anyone and anything thats in the universe with you. all the people... if you feel sad, do feel free to feel sad. if you wanna cry, do cry. if you wanna laugh, do that. feel free. these are things you can do without any external factors affecting you. do that and remain human beautiful. am not sure if i have communicated well here. but no matter know this-i mean each and every word i have written here and each and evero of these words are written just for you. of all the planets,people,rivers, birds, animals, stones, pebbles, specks of dust, human beings, these words are exclusively for you. my love to you.
Don't give up! How many times have we heard that in our lives? Soo many and it's damn true. Don't give up! Whenever I feel like this, I just tell myself that there's far more worst of a position I can be in. Theres others probably down the street from me that has it worst and I should just count my blessings. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS! You still have moms, I don't. My pops is way too far but he is only a phone call away but it's still depressing. but I'm just glad I'm still alive and able to enjoy my herb.
Once you're out of high school things change for the better. If you're going to college you'll be exposed to an entirely new group of people who have no preconceptions about you. Everyone I've met has said that so I believe it to be true.
I'll be your friend. You can PM me if you want too. Life can be rough, but if you don't succumb to the turmoil and pain, you truly will be stronger for it. we all have scars on our hearts. one day you will look back and be amazed that you were in so much pain, that it seemed so hopeless, and yet you came out on the other side of the struggle. " "It is a story," she whispered, watching me wring out the cloth. "A story that slaves tell in Hellas. Sometimes the gods themselves find the pain of existence too much to bear. Because they are gods, they pick a mortal to bear it for them;a lypiphera, a pain-bearer." ..." Sometimes they take on mortal pain too. It is a lucky thing, for slaves." Kushiel's Avatar I will be here if you need me. blessings and love dear brother
