BDSM as a lifestyle, Not what you think ?

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by silverhippy, Mar 10, 2008.

  1. silverhippy

    silverhippy Comfortably Numb

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    BDSM, does it conjure up images of darkness and maybe even abuse, if so think again. There is no darkness only light, no abuse for sure, only love. It is a relationship based of trust, comfort, love and most of all respect, you must have respect for someone that would lay bare her heart and soul and then offer them to you (please accept me as I am). Another member of this forum made reference to pleasure by romance or the whip being one in the same. Exactly right. Anyway it's not what most people think. It's something that brings two people closer than they ever thought they could be with anyone. Love comes in different formes to different people. It brings out the sexual and emotional release that traditional methods can not. Masochistic (cold term) people do exist and need a special love that is not the norm. Anyway anyone eles in a relationship like this or maybe dancing around the fringe of it, if so maybe you can add more insight than me. The submissive person is not always a chick in many cases it is the guy, not my situation but in some cases it is. Any input out there from experience ?

    Peace
     
  2. the kb stockpiler

    the kb stockpiler Member

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    You may need professional help as much as I do!
     
  3. plastic bagism

    plastic bagism Member

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    There's definitely some truth there. My lover and I have only grown closer because of our ability to trust one another and express ourselves during kinky sex. However, I wouldn't find it acceptable for two people to always play the same roles. Someone who needs to be dominated or dominant in order to have sex sounds like he or she has some underlying psychological issues.
     
  4. Lady of the Freaks

    Lady of the Freaks Senior Member

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    just depends on the individual. for some there is much darkness. for some there is abuse. but yeah, for some it's not like that.
     
  5. silverhippy

    silverhippy Comfortably Numb

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    My chick is the professional, so I get help every day.

    Peace
     
  6. soaringeagle

    soaringeagle Senior Member

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    there is a massive potential for real sickness within the bdsm community, ive witnessed it myself, having to deprogram someone who was basicly turtured her entire life and then falling into the bdsm crap, it can go way beyond kinky sex into very very dark realms
    in this case, the guy dominating her had made her promice things like if he asked her to shed leave her kids and even kill hertself if he wanted her to, he punnished her daily till she was literaly incapable of saying the word no, even typing the 2 simple letters was impossible for her..
    her life was basicly ruined by the lifestyle and abuse that was part of it (im in no way saying that everyone who enjoys a lil play now and then is sick or needs therapy, im just saying that within the community theres a ton of sickness, so beware, you can get in way way over your head and end up a complete wreck or even dead
    only submit to submission if your also strong enough to dominate the dominator and turn the tables when things turn ugly

    and dont fall for things like "it will only bring us closer together"
     
  7. MollyBoston

    MollyBoston Fluffer

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    I hope that's not true. I don't like being the dominator - I've tried it and I feel silly and completely un-sexy. I think a lot of people get turned on by one or the other, but not both. (And I know lots of people like to switch roles, too, which is awesome for them.) We don't get into D/s play every time we have sex, of course, but when we do I'm always the submissive one. That's just the way we both like it.

    I don't think I have any huge psychological issues, either - at least not more than your average screwed-up person. :)

    Soaringeagle, that sounds awful...you hear about those really extreme cases in the news sometimes. People who get into that are in a whole different place than me - I mean, my boyfriend and I get into some pretty weird stuff, but we're not even on the same planet as these people.
     
  8. Allonym

    Allonym cheesecake slut

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    see now, thats an abusive person using a system. just like some abusers use religion to control and abuse others. doesnt really say much about the system, other than you ought to be careful with it
     
  9. MollyBoston

    MollyBoston Fluffer

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    Oooh, well said Al. (BTW I hope you don't mind that I keep calling you Al. I like shortening names.)
     
  10. Allonym

    Allonym cheesecake slut

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    ally works a bit better, but ill survive either which way :D
     
  11. MollyBoston

    MollyBoston Fluffer

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    Ally it is.

    BDSM is actually different from D/s, isn't it? I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of overlap and all. I don't actually like pain (except for spankings, which for some reason doesn't count) so the SM stuff really doesn't come into our sex life.

    I should Wikipedia both these things,
     
  12. silverhippy

    silverhippy Comfortably Numb

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    Hey Molly, I'm not sure but I think that D/S is kind of the same but it goes into like a 24/7 thing. Maybe the BDSM tag I used is not what I meant to call it. She has become submissive because that is what she wants, I'm learning about it, finding my way thru. I ask for advice alot. Even got some from you from time to time. The story Soaringeagle told was so sad but not close to my relationship, you must use these guide lines, it must be safe sane and consensual and it must be based on respect. She can take back what was given to me by her and stop things at any time with a safe word. Again you can never hurt the one you love and respect above all.

    Peace
     
  13. MollyBoston

    MollyBoston Fluffer

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    Silverhippy is the nicest dom in the history of...um, domdom.

    I DID look it up, because I'm a dork, and Wikipedia says that BDSM is a blanket term for D/s, S&M and B&D. So you were right. Unless I've missed something, you and your girlfriend don't get into the pain aspect of things either, right? It's pretty much psychological stuff?
     
  14. IamnotaMan

    IamnotaMan I am Thor. On sabba-tickle. Still available via us

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    I suppose playing round with kinky shit is one thing.
    But the ones who are really into that stuff seem reaaaaaaaaallly dsyfunctional in my view.

    Some of the actually admit privately that they see it as an affliction - and say they had difficult upbringings. Or that they link pain to sort of expressing anger against themselves.
    Then there are the professional ones who like the idea of money without fucking and privately think it *is* a bit weird.

    __________
    We can virtually all understand some diversion from the "lights off missionary stuff"
    But I think we should ask where limits should be set.
    Some people say poisons in our environment have affected human sexuality.
    Others say that *every* kink weird or "normal" is being marketed today , whether its a " good " thing or not.

    I cant say what is right or wrong , in most cases , but I think we should be cautious to say "yeah anything goes".
     
  15. MollyBoston

    MollyBoston Fluffer

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    I, on the other hand, think we should do whatever turns us on and stop psychoanalyzing ourselves so much.

    We appear to have diametrically opposed philosophies towards giving me a spanking, RessotaspiksMan.
     
  16. silverhippy

    silverhippy Comfortably Numb

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    I try to keep it to psychological stuff as best I can, but there are times when that is not enough for her. I can tell when she needs something more, it will come to me from her, with something like a facial expression, a certain body movement or just the mood she is in. Remember that sub-space place you told me about, it's real as far as I can tell. At those times it is up to me to keep it sane because believe me she will go where I take her. But I know my own limits and I could never go to far. Handcuffing her and hanging her from the ceiling so I can beat her with my favorite belt is not within my realm. I try my best to please her within my limits, and there are times I use our safe word. But the psychological stuff is the best way to go for me. Just remember to keep it safe and have fun with it. It's all about her and her needs not mine.

    Peace.
     
  17. Allonym

    Allonym cheesecake slut

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    personally, i dont like actual pain. but i love the things that are gray areas when my endorphins are rushing around. like hair pulling, a little spanking, etc. nothing that acutally genuinely hurts, but i wouldnt like it if i wasnt already all turned on. three cheers for endorphin rushes
     
  18. IamnotaMan

    IamnotaMan I am Thor. On sabba-tickle. Still available via us

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    Or maybe not.Well u only had to ask , Molly :)
    Ofcourse a pic would be nice first ;)

    What else u into?Who knows , maybe anything goes is the best philosophy..hehehe

    ( Wonders what Molly would look like being led round on a doglead)

    woof woof
     
  19. MollyBoston

    MollyBoston Fluffer

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    Sigh. I should have seen that coming.

    Ally, totally! Yay for finding girls that feel the same way I do about this stuff! Seriously, I was so hoping I'd be able to find people like me online so I wouldn't feel like I was the only girl in the world who liked some of this stuff, but wasn't as hardcore as the weird shit you see on HBO Real Sex. You make me feel like less of a freak.

    Is your boyfriend good at doing it? Mine is - I got lucky and kinda found a kindred spirit in mine. (Well, it wasn't all luck - I was drunk at a party giggling about how sometimes I just need a spanking and all of a sudden I was like wow, that guy is giving me an awfully intense look for someone I don't know. lol...so it was more luck that he turned out to be a cool guy outside the bedroom too.)
     
  20. IamnotaMan

    IamnotaMan I am Thor. On sabba-tickle. Still available via us

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    Well u know , "ask a silly question..." ; )

    Actually Ive been out with a few girls who've been into your sort of stuff.
    The only thing is , sometimes its hard to work out if they're trying it on just to "earn" a spanking , or just well .. they deserve one anyway. : )

    Seriously tho, I think thats part of the challenge for you.Separating the playing round stuff , from the nature of what u actually want/will work overall.
    All that "the Scene" stuff can seem abit weird- I assume thats what u mean by HBO
     

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