So...yeah...I was fucked up for 4 days straight. Pot, ecstacy, four bars, loratabs. Thursday doesn't exist for me at all. I went from Wednesday straight to Friday. I spent money I don't have, done drugs I don't remember getting, and was pretty much 100% GONE from Wednesday through Sat. night. Oh and at several points yesterday, I wanted to die. I've pretty much come down to the decision that the ex tabs we had were METH based. Which is something I was DEFINITELY not expecting. I expected speed-based. And yeah, I was talking to some friends and judging on things I know and etc..and pretty much I think it was meth. I was paranoid as fuck and it was so not fun. The paranoia started Sat @ about 5pm and lasted til Sun @ about 11 am. talk about suckage. But yeah...So pretty much all that shit has made me decide...I really need rehab. Pot will be the easiest thing to give up, cause it's not that big a deal for me anyway. It's gonna be the ex and the pills that're gonna be hard to give away.... I'm scared shitless. My sis is being pretty chill right now, but I'm scared about what my parents might do. I don't wanna hear my grandmother talk shit. I don't want my parents to flip shit. I hope they don't kick me out. I don't know what's gonna happen, but I guess I'll find out.
Wait two or three days and you'll feel a lot more normal. Meth bombs suck! I would recommend waiting to make your decision as well as you're probably still strung out and down.
Not remembering a single thing I did for an entire 24+ hours kinda brought me down to reality. :\ Trust me, it may seem really quick to decide but this has definitely been thought through and talked out, on my part. I still have to talk to my parents and everything, but yeah... talking and thinking has been done quite throughly. I really think this is something I need to do. If meth is speed and all the tabs I've had before were speed based, and if this one was as well, why would I have reacted so differently to it when I came down? I've never EVER had a bad comedown from ex...
it's good that you finally hit a rock bottom to let you admit that you need help i hope everything goes well for you, good luck!
Thanks I just hope everything goes okay when I talk to my parents... :\ And I'm worried about how we'll pay for it anyway...
Well, I talk to my stepdad. He took it pretty cool. He said he's not gonna say anything to my mom or my grandmother for now. I gotta talk to the finanical aid here at school and see if it's gonna affect my grant or anything. He seems sorta supportive, like...if it's what I really think I need. But at the same time, he said "If it's gonna mess your school up...you're gonna have to suck it up and quit on your own." which...uhm...no? Cause that didn't work... :\ Like they don't even know the whole story. All they know that I've done is ex. Cause before when I moved to Dallas, that's what I got into. And they don't know all the other shit I've done since I've moved back home... and I'm probably never gonna tell them that. I'll be straight up with the people at rehab, but they gotta keep that shit confidential, right? So yeah. I mean, I'll tell them about it all cause they gotta know anyhow.
I'd change your sig quick smart, doesn't really matter how long you go to rehab if you leave in the same mind set.
hey.. well if its any consolation, ive been to rehab. in india (so think hygiene conditions, sensitivity to issues, privacy..whats that?) for one year!! (yeah thats how long the doc thought i needed to recover! where i shared a floor with people who were also mentally unstable (im sorry im not sure what the politically correct term is here) since there were only 4 women drug addicts and they couldnt afford to keep a facility running for just 4 people. i was dragged there (without being told) and my sorry ass was dumped there by my mom. I was into everything from pot, E, LSD, MDMA, Speed, Coke. I wanted to quit. i really did. and i would manage successfully.. for a few days. I hated my mum then. Coz i know i would at times say i wanna go to rehab its the only way i'll do it.. but it would fuck me up real bad when it came to actually getting down to it. I wasnt even allowed phone calls or visitors from home barring the 15 mins once a month. That was it. The doctor made me cry everyday, it wasnt just the detox, but the introspection they made me do. They stripped me down to my soul and made me stare at myself in a mirror everyday. They made me realise a lot of things i do arent because im a bad person. im not. just that addiction made me do those things, because i was powerless before that addiction. I dont mean to go all piously holier than thou and all that jazz. It'll definitely be better for you since 1) ur planning to do it yourself. so theres a far stronger will there. 2) ur not in india (so facilities will be far more comfortable, cleaner, respectful, and sensitive there) 3) it wont be a jail- they have open rehabs, and halfway homes and stuff there. also, maybe before you go there.. you could check out your local chapter of narcotics anonymous. They have meeetings almost everywhere. Its just a bunch of people, sitting together, sharing stories, experiences, feelings and helping each other out. No1 preaches, no1 tells you what to do or what to be. They just tell you what worked for them and how it did. Maybe that'll help you out. I dont have ANYTHING against substances. But when it starts riding you? its time to get off. I was totally clean for like 2 years after rehab (plus the 1 yr in rehab) n even then, i smoke pot like one j every couple of months with close buddies just to have some fun. and i dont touch chemicals. Coz i know where that will take me. and its not a very happy place to be. For general info on how to deal or any questions you may have www.na.org To find a meeting in your area: http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/ As long as you want to sort things out, they will get sorted out. I hope this helps. If you need to talk, vent, have any questions, or just randomly wanna shoot the breeze, pm me. All the best. Big BIG Hug. peace. btw: yes, these places are totally confidential. They arent even allowed to tell your family what you tell them. Also it makes the most sense telling them the truth about everything, coz they know either which way. It'll just make your recovery easier and faster. Atleast here, in India, they give you like a medical certficate or doctor's testimonial which wont even mention the word substance, addiction, or drugs. (incase you need it to explain your absence from work, college, school etc). Besides, there are loads of options, from detox, to home- rehab, to open rehab, and closed rehab. After a while they even allowed me to goto college from there.
oh and i forgot to add, there are some kinda payment plans, you should speak to someone at the narcotics anonymous (an old timer prefrably coz they would know whats up in your state) here, we have some government funded rehabs that kinda decrease the amount you gotta pay (basically you get like a grant from the government) find out about rehabs around town, or if you wanna go away somewhere. There's ALWAYS a way around. you just gotta look for it.. There were some people at my rehab who had NO money whatsoever, like their families had long since disowned them and they were brownies on the streets. No clothes no belongings nothing. They worked to earn their keep. At the rehab. The really poor ones would like sweep and mop the place, some cooked, some washed clothes/ dishes, some did the gardening, some helped at the reception, in the office, so there is a way. dont worry. admitting that you need help, has already begun your journey..
