my parents are really old school, extremely stubborn people. i want them to remember me as being a good person and finishing his education, not their only son to turn out gay and be a huge disapointment. so on that note, i plan on packing up and leaving when noones home, call and tell my parents that i'm never coming back, end of story. i'm really scared, i've never lived on my own before and eventually i'll move out of the city so i don't have to hide anymore. right now i'm looking for some inexpensive apts and just doing some research. i hope i can land a decent job after schools done and be able to get by. i'll probably keep in touch with my siblings by mail when i'm comfortable enough to tell em but it hurts that i'll never be seeing or speaking to my parents again. i rather do this then for them to know the truth. if you have any advice on things i should do before moving to make sure i don't have to ever go back home feel free to list some. or advice on living alone, things to buy, things one would normally not think of getting and whatever.
Whoa, 87, I gotta talk to you as a parent. I don't care how stubborn and old school they are, if you just up and disappear on them it will be like a knife in their hearts. I'm a dad, all of my sons except one has moved out into his own life. Sometimes I didn't agree with the choices they were making and we argued and fought over it but don't do it this way. Talk to them, tell 'em you got your own life to live, ask their blessing if they can give it...if they can't, live your own life anyway. You gotta live your own life without doubt but if you "want them to remember me as being a good person and finishing his education, not their only son to turn out gay and be a huge disapointment". don't just pull a disappearing act. Think this over long and hard.
i'm pretty sure the knife in the heart thing will be done if i tell them im gay. they're very closed minded people. like when i got diamond studs on both sides they both yelled hatefull stuff about gays throughout the house and in general have never said anything good about homosexuality. the way i see it is: 1) knife in the heart > "he was such a good kid, why did he disappear..." 2) knife in the heart > "what a fucking disappointment...get the fuck outta my house and don't ever come back..." i think option one looks a little better...
Well, 87 Depends on how scary your Dad is. I moved out of home straight after high school for pretty much the same reason, wouldnt have dared tell them whilst I was still living with them. If you sense your dad would get violent over it or throw continued tantrums I would recommend against telling him, there's no rush. Coming out to the parents, scary beforehand, emotional and hectic during, but whats not really talked about is how it changes your relationship with the parents, or mainly your dad afterwards, if he acts like a prat too much your probably going to always hate him for it. Not good the feeling at a younger age realising your already more mature than your dads ever going to be, not good the feeling that one of both or your parents are so ready to disown you for something so seemingly benign to you as crushing on the same gender. A rude awakening to find that parental love is not so unconditional Wait till you move out
oh he's scary alright. just his voice can make me really nervous, he makes sure the whole house can hear him and will repeat himself over and over, i think he likes to hear himself yell. i don't care about him though, so whatever. i think my mom will accept me after a couple years, but not right now.
I'm sorry you're going through this,sounds awful.I've got no advice I dunno just hope things work out for you. Good luck
thanks for the concern cali. i have good values i think and know what's wrong and right from being a hermit for so long. i don't smoke or drink (well haven't had the opportunity to) but yeah im a silly laid back guy who likes to be around the same, it shouldn't be a problem avoiding the crowd you speak of. thanks for the awesome info pixee! there's a lot of things there i can add to the list i'm making right now. i can probably steal little things here and there i find around my house to make it easier. i like the camp chair thing, those are really comfy. i never knew about bedbugs! i'll probably just buy stuff from ikea or something.
You'd be surprised at what parents already know. When I was 18 I got all stressed out about coming out to my mom. After I told her, she said "I've always known". My dad on the other hand, he just doesn't feel comfortable talking about it. I never came out to him, but I feel positive he knows. My mom never talks about it to him either, but she also feels that he knows. Eventually after you've had "close" male friends and no girlfriends, it becomes obvious.
i have a feeling my mom knows but she still talks to me like i'm gonna find a girl, get married, have kids etc. she says once in awhile to go find a girl and get out of the house but i just don't reply and pretend im busy with something on the computer. yeah it's becoming more obvious as each year passes because i'm 20 y/o and i don't have a gf but that's why i'm leaving soon.
87s i hope your parents can accept you but i never hope my parents accept me,you know the situation in china is not the same .so i wont tell them about this
I've always found this curious, i live in Sydney Australia, a lot of Chinese guys around here, seems to me a higher proportion of them are gay compared to other groups, yet they all same the same thing, that things are rather repressed back home
