This is just ridiculous. I'm horny and want some action. Here's some advice. Think back to the last time you were horny. Remember how you dealt with it, then do that. Oh, and if it doesn't involve sex or self gratification, then you're dealing with it the wrong way.
I see Kentucky, Michigan, and California. I'm in Texas. Those states are too spread out. Let's all meet somewhere in the middle of the US and we can all solve this horny problem together.