Pregnancy Issues *Need Your Help*

I know I come up with some strange stuff here, but my wife and I have a 6 year old and want another child. We have tried for over 4 years and have used some fertility drugs (don’t do it girls!) and we have even discussed pretty drastic measures. One of which was a friend’s wife who volunteered to have a child for us, when we explained we did not know yet if my wife’s eggs were still good she offered to just get pregnant naturally from me. We have also thought of a surrogate in the truer form medically.



Here is the problem: After all of this time now my wife seems to have backed out of the idea and is actually worried of getting pregnant again due to the fact she has had a few miscarriages and she is not 40. I would love to see her pregnant again, but well………WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?????



We are very sexual people including heavy flirting and ….. that I guess is for private messages…..HELP!

 

I guess it depends on what you and your wife are comfortable with, in the form of surrogates. If your wife doesn't mind you having sex with someone else in order for her to have a baby for you,(did I understand that part correctly?), then I say, if it works for you and makes you BOTH happy, you should be free to do as you like.

Her change in feelings might have something to do with having someone other than herself give birth to your child. Or, perhaps with the difficulties you have been having she is having second thoughts about her ability to carry another child to full term. I am just guessing with these, not knowing your wife or you personally it is really all I can do.

Be patient with her, and try to get her to talk to you about it without getting angry or defensive. It can be a touchy subject, especially if you have been trying for a long time with no success. She could be feeling like it is something wrong with her that is keeping it from happening. Good luck, I hope something in here helps.

 

I thank you. Feel free to say anything I will not get offended.

Her and I have had three-somes so that shouldn't be a problem....RIGHT? You were correct with me getting a friend pregnant. That was the offer and it shocked me much more than my wife. I think she knew of the offer 1st. Our friend has great kids of her own so she makes great babies>>>>>>We have flirted and fondled with her before and loved it, but I think now I am getting sex confused with the real issue. I want her comfortable.

 

^^ FYI: Just finished moving this to the Sexual Health subforum of Love and Sex. I also copied this to Health. Hope everything works out.

Peace,

Musikero

 

Actually, having protected sex in a threesome is a bit different than allowing your husband to impregnate another woman for the purposes of the two of you raising the child, at least it would be to me. I am not against threesomes as a rule, I have had a few, but not with my husband. He does NOT play well with others So, this has never been an issue in our relationship.

Be patient with her, and it sounds as if you are a very open couple, so encourage her to come up with options SHE is comfortable with, you sound like you would be comfortable in any situation.

Also, don't let your sex life become automatic and stale just because you are trying to have another child. Keep the inventiveness and fun in it, and it will feel less like work.

As for your wife's comfort with the situation, it may be that since the friend is such a close friend, your wife wouldn't really feel as if the child were hers. She would feel like a secondary mother figure, rather than the primary. Ask her about this kind of stuff, and be open and patient with her answers. She may be a bit unsettled by her own feelings about this, especially if the woman is a very, very close friend.

Good luck, you sound like a really caring and loving husband. Continue to be that way, it is the best thing you can do in this kind of situation. Let me know if any of my stuff is on the money or way off base.

 

"Good luck, you sound like a really caring and loving husband"

Nothing means more to me than my child and my wife. We are fairly open and I appreciate that in her since she was the one that showed that life to me.

I do have the sex lifestyle seperate from our want for a child, although the two do get a little mixed at times. It will take a very special person to agree to have a child for another couple. I hope we find her or my wife carries a baby to term. I do not want my wife feeling guilt or jealousy towards the other woman if we go that route. She is still tops for me.

The worse part is my wife was so incredibly sexy pregnant and I love pregnant women...they are kinda a fetish of mine. I do not know if or how many children you have but pregnant girls rock and so does the sex in the second trimester.

Right now we are back to sex every night and no protection. She asked for it and I am there, but that is apt to change with the tides. I must say I am lucky to have married the girl who was #1 top sex ever in my life. I am jello in her hands. Truely knows what makes a woman cum and a man melt.

 

I could tell that your wife means the world to you, just by the fact that you cared enough to come here and lay it all out there to ask for help in understanding her a bit more. That is the kind of thing that is hard for most men, even my husband, to admit.

I have four kids, and I love being pregnant, and feeling the baby kick inside. It is one of my favorite feelings in the whole world.

It is easy for the sex lifestyle, and the want for a child to become intertwined and mix a bit, one leads to the other if you aren't careful. I guess my only advice there would be to never, ever be unprotected in the sex lifestyle without prior agreement, not heat of the moment agreement, from all parties involved. That way there is no lingering feelings that maybe they wouldn't have made the same choice in the clear light of day. In the heat of the moment things can look much different, in my experience.

I love the fact that you are so in love with your wife, and so attracted to her. Loving to have sex with her can only be a good thing when you are trying to have a child. I don't know if you and she know this, but the time when a woman is most fertile, so says my obgyn, is two to four days after her monthly. And he also told me that having sex every night can lower the amount of active sperm that a man ejaculates. His advice to my husband and I was to try every other night, rather than every night. I don't know if this is information that you already knew, but I thought I would offer it up.

I hope all goes well with you and your family.

 

Thanks for all of the help. Women who like being pregnant are even sexier to me, and like you my wife loved it with our child.

Sex with my wife is amazing, best ever in my life and she is so sensual I cannot begin to describe it all.

We have tried the every other day, every day, and once a week sex for pregnancy as well as other herbal treatments that raised my volume up a LOT....but we did not get it checked again to see if it increased the sperm count. I am slightly above normal in my count as it is from the last test.

My wife [well we] needs friends here like you. Open and honest, and you seem really cool.

 

If your having sex every day you may want to think about timing the intercourse as well to coincide with ovulation, so that 48 hours or so prior to ovulation you increase your chances of getting her pregnant. How old is your wife by the way (if you don't mind such an invasive question!) Prior to 35 she should have roughly normal fertility if everything is normal and you may just have had bad luck! Only 90-95% of perfectly "functioning" couples will get pregnant within 2 years.

Have you been to a fertility clinic? They could check to see if you or your wife have anything that could be causing a problem: Reduced sperm count, sperm motility or morpholgy for you and check your wife is ovulating, if she has immotile cilia syndrome, tubal damage or endometriosis.

There are a lot ARTs (assisted reproductive techniques) you may wish to try before surrogacy. If you want a normal birth you could try IVF/ICSI with donor eggs or sperm, or with your own if everything works, and then implant fertilised eggs into her, bypassing surrogacy arrangements.

 

Thank you for the compliments, it is nice to know that honesty and openness are appreciated. In other places it has been kind of an issue for me, as I tend to be who I am no matter where I am. It can be hard for some people to swallow.

I am glad that you and your wife are enjoying the process of trying. I knew a couple that actually got to the point that it wasn't fun anymore, and that to me seems silly. I didn't understand their problem at all, and I tried, I really,really tried to.

It sounds like you are trying all of the natural ways of going about this, but as Tchocky said, sometimes it just takes time. Be patient, have fun, and experiment with timing in the month. We are all different, so it stands to reason that the most fertile time of the month could be, and probably is, different for some women. There is an ovulation test on the market that I have heard is pretty accurate, but I can't remember the name of it....I think it is put out by the same people who do Clear Blue Easy pregnancy tests, but I am not sure. Since you seem to want to do this without a clinic or fertility drugs, which I think is great, maybe this test will help the timing. I have never tried them though, so I don't know how well they work.

I really like talking to you and hearing updates. Keep in touch, and I hope that things work out well for you soon. I will be sending good, happy, strong thoughts your way

 

Nearly all of the above at SFU Medical Center experts. We have evaluated the exeperience and the COST forI VF/ICSI and the overall conditions of her egss. We might not be there.

 

""There is an ovulation test on the market that I have heard is pretty accurate, but I can't remember the name of it....I think it is put out by the same people who do Clear Blue Easy pregnancy tests, but I am not sure""

We went further fir a pda model that actually ploys, tests the strenth of your ovulation and later perdicts when you will nad runs the test to prove it.

 

It sounds like you have that under control then. Good luck, and happy baby making

 

Batteried were dead on my keyboard above.


LadyDragon....any other ideas on how to help her get pregnant?

 

Really it is just a matter, in my experience, of not trying so hard. Sometimes the strain and stress that you put on yourselves, even if if isn't done consciously, can be counter productive.

There is also trying different positions, maybe have her hips up a bit longer than normal after you ejaculate into her, just to kind of help the process, make the swimmers have a shorter swim, so to speak. Doggie is good for that, and pretty much anything else that will kind of get her bum in the air at the end. Hubby and I switch positions during, sometimes for comfort, sometimes for pleasure.

As I said earlier, try not to dwell on the baby making being the reason, or the wanted outcome, of making love to your wife. The most important thing is your intimacy and togetherness. You have a pretty good handle on that, but maybe see if your wife is blaming herself, and maybe making it harder for her to relax and enjoy your togetherness the way she used to. I don't know you two personally, so I can't really say if that is an issue, but it was for the couple that I mentioned earlier in the thread.

If that is the case, and she is blaming herself for the inability to conceive, I am not really sure the best way to go about taking that fear from her, or the anxiety it causes her. Not knowing you two in person makes advising on the steps to take in this instance, because women are very different in what works for them. In my opinion, we are all a bit mad...but, it is part of our charm, right You know what makes her relax, whether it is a certain music, smell, bubble bath, candles....whatever it is, make sure that is a part of her day, even if there is not any sex. Make sure the relaxation and sensuality is there for her.

Above all, give yourself time for the things that you are trying to work. If you are super worried about a medical condition, then by all means, see a doctor. But, if that isn't something that you are stressing, just give it time. I know it sounds a bit trite, but these things will not be rushed, or forced. I sense that you have some issues with artificial insemination, and I am not sure if they are medical or personal, but if this isn't a route you are comfortable with, then don't go that way.

Keep in touch. Let me know if anything is helping, and I will let you know if I think of anything else.

 

my very sensitive friends say I need more men o nthe job! LOL

Aren't men great?

At one time I was tempted to try that. but I do not think that is the problem from our tests.