Forget about money. The paper kills trees. 6 billion neighbors may need them to breathe. I’m investing in love. With all of my trust. These numbers mean nothing to me. You’re depressed with such fear. Your dollars are dear. Spending your time for a future so clear. Here is a check to invest all your years. Forget intervention. The money is here. It's an unnatural necessity, And to live in the land of the free, You cannot live off it. I’ll just trust my beliefs and continue to profit. I have found my own voice, And I don’t speak in decimals or math. These precious metals we call coins, Together in pockets they laugh. The truth being That new things Can turn you into an fiend, The kind that fell for a trap. I’m a thinker, A dreamer, A firm believer, That structure will one day collapse.
I truly admire any soul who writes poetry, or creates any art for that matter, and I respect that you posted it up on these great forums. With that said, I will tell you what I, personally, feel about your poem. You can choose to fully disregard any of what I'm saying. I feel that your poem it is based on an overused concept, which is so common around us, you do not have to look deep inside your soul to truly express what you feel. I have seen many do the same as you have. The answer, I think, lies in telling from something you feel very strongly about, and have experienced much of what your writing about. To pull an example, you write "Depressed because you sit at a desk. So here is a check to invest all your tears.", you are writing based on assumptions, assuming that many 9-5 desk jobbers are like that. That is a big no-no in my book. I could write more, but I feel this is one of your greatest weaknesses in the work. I would be glad to see some more of your future or past work. You have great potential.
i dont think you understand what im saying.. no people arent depressed because they sit at a desk and work.. do you sit at a desk and work? i dont even think money is a big problem in all reality.. to a hardworking person. EXPLORING THE WORLD GROWING THRIVING AND ADJUSTING i dont know about YOU But that is what I want to do. and by doing that the money will still be there. and fyi some people do hate their jobs but here's what im going to do edit
