Long story short, I'm now in an open relationship with my boyfriend. It was in part prompted by him wanting to do things with a guy that I don't think he has feelings for, and me having very strong feelings for one of his friends. For a period of time, I thought the guy liked me back. Turns out he just cares about me very deeply and loves me as a friend (I can really see it, he's so genuine) but doesn't have feelings for me. My feelings for my boyfriend have diminished greatly. If I break up with him, I'm afraid we won't stay friends, which is a huge problem, because I've grown very close to all of his friends, and they all love me. I'd be devastated if I couldn't spend time with them and him anymore. So...to stay in an incomplete relationship with my heart elsewhere? Or risk losing all of that.
talk to ur bf about how you feel is what I would want you 2 do if I was him, instead of just keeping all ur feelings in ur head
He tells me he loves me before we get off the phone (painfully short conversations, by the way) and I feel so awful for saying it back when I'm not sure if I mean it.
Once you agree to an ‘Open relationship’, then you have to be prepared for the possible consequences. I always thought that an ‘open’ relationship was based primarily on honesty(?) If, as you write, that you are unhappy, then I feel you have a responsibility to be honest; both to your boyfriend – and to your own heart! If you are dubious about the people that you call your friends, then this seems to be (maybe rather an inopportune one but) a chance to find out if and who your real friends are. You say that your question “to stay in an incomplete relationship with my heart elsewhere, or…” – then that is the risk you have to take – for living a lie isn’t fair to anyone! - Sorry if that may not be the answer you wanted to hear and hope you don’t take offence. < Peace + Love ~ Save the Planet>
No, it's a good answer, thanks. I just don't want to tell him I dont love him, because I'm not sure right now. Maybe it'll come back.
Many people enter into an open relationship to live out fantasies, and often one of the people ends up unhappy. Why did it matter to you that the friend didn't have deeper feelings for you? Unless you were looking to fill an emotional need with the open relationship. If that is the case why are you still with your boyfriend? While his feelings may get hurt, and you might lose friends, at some point you will have to make a decision. Prolonging the agony does not make it any easier.
ok this isnt hard your miserable you desserve to be happy so do what u gotta do to be happy u can do that honnestly, bre honnest with hium ..and your mutual freinds and fiond a way to be happy
Well it matters to me because I have very deep feelings for him. But I realized that I love our friendship so much, and I get more happiness out of just being friends with him than I do from being with my boyfriend. I was trying to fill an emotional need with the open relationship. The emotional aspect is completely missing with my boyfriend.
Hi - again You say in your last post "I was trying to fill an emotional need with the open relationship. The emotional aspect is completely missing with my boyfriend" I think that gives you your own answer, I still say be Honest and true to your heart - Love is supposed to be enjoyed not endured. Maybe its time to make a decision on this relationship - Keep your friend as a friend - Good friendship endures! and 'Be Happy' Only you can say if the relationship with your Boyfriend is worth it, but being tormented with emotional heartache doesn't get better with the passing of time. If you don't want to make a snap decision 'now' then maybe if you set a time to see if the love comes back - stick to it and then, if the love has gone -'bite the bullet' (?) Hope this helps(?!) < Peace + Love ~ Save the Planet> +
Well, this seems to be all over now. I guess I'll just go back to a closed, normal relationship with my boyfriend and see how it goes.
one should never attempt polyamory in an attempt to salvage their current relationship. It's a complicated endeavor that requires a lot of work, and so a couple looking into it should be already stable.
