Having a hard time

I am a bisexual woman and I have known this for sure for about 3 years

I have no problem attracting men. I have always attracted more men than were necessary, which reallllllly gets annoying..

my problem is attracting women. There have been a few hopefuls over the past couple years but nothing really gets past the flirting stage.

first of all, I am very much into feminine women, which I think adds to my problem because a lot of very feminine women don't exactly scream lesbian to my eyes. I have pretty good judgement when it comes to sexuality but I have really been second guessing myself. I have been into a few very attractive women and we talk and flirt and whatnot, but at the end of the night, I start wondering if she is really into girls. Maybe she is just really nice and I am mixing up my signals.

anyway, I am very frusterated and am wondering if maybe I am putting them off and maybe they think I am not into it..... Maybe I should just at somepoint just flat out ask the woman if she is into other girls.....I don't know

what do you think?
Am I over-thinking this whole matter?

 

Hi Markrs, where are you meeting these women? I'm sure it can be hard to judge when to bring out the "...so are you" line, fortunately I've had the good sense to be attracted to chicks I already knew were lesbians, ha. Maybe go to some lesbian bars or clubs?

 

I think it would be better that instead of asking them whether they like girls or not, you should drop hints about your own sexuality... And if they are not in any way turned off, then I'd say it's safe to invite them somewhere.

 

well I am in college at an art school now, so it is a little easier to tell who is into who because it isn't frowned upon to be openly gay/lesbian here

but before I came here I had a very hard time because my town happens to be one of the most christian conservative towns in cali

It is somewhat easier to tell here, but I just don't think I have the right game to pick up women.

I just get these really strong feelings from certain women and I think they are lesbian/bi, but I can't really tell because in my opinion, women are very nice and somewhat flirty to each other anyway in an environment such as the one I am in.

Today one of my friends(whom I think is cute and i thought she might be into me) said that I would make a cute couple with some guy that we both know. I told her that I wasn't interested and she kept probing me for why not and I made up some story about how I only see him for friendship.

I am getting some mixed messages.... I thought she was into me (looks she gave me, the way she talked to me, body language) but then she suggested I date one of our male friends.

 

That might have been her testing the waters, Sniff! Maybe she was hoping you would say "I'm kinda more into girls."

It sounds to me like the problem is you're not fully comfortable saying "I'm into chicks" yet, right? I mean, that situation with your friend was the perfect time to say it - she's already a friend and everything - but you...well, you kinda wussed out.

Do you think next time you see her you could say something like hey, remember when you suggested I should date that guy? The real reason I didn't want to is I'm bisexual, and right now I'm more interested in girls.

 

haha yeah I agree with mollyboston. She could have been hoping that you'd say you like girls. My present girlfriend did a similar thing before we started dating. She asked me if I wanted to have kids one day (which nowadays should not be said if you're trying to figure someone's sexuality out--anyone can have kids). I told her I was not thinking about that at all, and I guess that answer was enough to give her the confidence to ask me out. You should have told your friend "yeah, we probably would make a good couple. Too bad i'm not into guys." I find an answer like that is easier to say than straighforwardly saying "I like girls."

 

i was thinking that too....

it's not really that I wussed out, it's more that it wasn't really on my mind at the moment and right after she left I realized that I should have said something...blah, maybe I'm just a little nervous because this will be the first woman that I flat out approach because I can finally be free to just be who I am

I think I will bring it up next time I talk to her

 

Haha, WORD to Boston for shpeakin' de truth!

I find that when I'm freaking out, I just tell myself to go with the flow. The only times I'm been with people properly was when I threw my nerves out the window and stopped caring too much. However, to a certain extent, you have to make yourself public, or people really won't even think to approach ya. Send your friend a text or email about how when you said you weren't interested, it was because you're not really into guys (at the moment, etc.) if it makes it easier for you.

BEST OF LUCK!

 

so i did it.....

but didn't get the response I was looking for. I swear this girl pings so hard, but I guess she isn't into women and further more she is a virgin. She told me not to feel bad though because she has been approached by women before....

I still feel like crap about it though

ugh so depressing

edit: read my next post.....turns out she isn't so straight after all.....

 

Woooooops. Sorry, babe. That's awkward, even though it sounds like she was really cool about it.

Good on you for going for it though! We're proud of you.

 

haha there is more though

last night was the art gallery opening here at the school

I went to the Cabaret and my other bisexual friend tells me that sam(the girl) did the same thing to her last year(ask you to be her valentine, takes you on dates, totally flirts with you) and then when my friend asked sam about it, she told her the same thing(I am a straight virgin, but women are so beautiful blah blah blah)......

but then my friend told me about a dance party last year that they both went to and how sam was totally feeling her up and ended up with her hand up my friends' skirt........well......the same thing happened to me last night.....

I was dancing with my friend and then sam cuts in and first starts dancing with my friend and then she makes her way over to me and totally had her hands all over me.....

what the hell is up with this girl!??

 

SPAGHETTI LESBIANNN! That's my theory.

 

how annoying and confusing! ugh!

 

lol at the thread title and the forum it's in

 

Maybe she's the one having a hard time admitting to herself that she's into chicks (still a virgin cos she's not into guys...?) and sorta trying to get you to make the first move. But she's obviously not sure of herself because you did try to talk about it and she didn't want a bar of it.

Hmm, sounds like she wants to experiment but doesn't want to officially take out Bi Membership. So yeah, as Bocks said, instant noodle. It's not unusual for straight women to say things like 'women are so beautiful' etc but it is *slightly* unusual for a completely straight girl to feel you up on the dancefloor.

 

What's a spaghetti lesbian?

 

"Straight until wet," Scratcho.

 

Awesome!

PS! I think this is my 1000th post.

 

Thanks Molly--thats good.

 

Yay BOCKS! Happy 1000!

Scratcho, it was Bocks who taught me that term. Because she is my hero and my long-distance imaginary girlfriend.

Sniff, this girl is definitely sounding like she's at least bi and sortof uncomfortable with it. Which is annoying for you, because....GAH, you probably both want to do each other, she needs to get over herself and take her damn clothes off, right?

Does she drink? If she drinks, you should just get her drunk and then stick your tongue down her throat. It works for guys. ;P

By the way, I just turned signatures on and saw yours, and then went and checked out your myspace page - I can't listen to your music because I loaned my headphones to a friend, but you're amazingly pretty. I can see why Sam can't stop flirting with you.