A thought about women in relationships

So based on the observations of my own experiences, as well as the experience of my best friend (which I know is not a lot to base this on, but I thought I'd throw this out here for discussion), I've come to a conclusion about women in relationships...

I believe if women are treated badly in relationships it's because we allow men to treat us a certain way. If we put our foot down and NOT let men treat us this way (even outside of romantic relationships), we'd be much happier in our situations.

I hate that my best friend's boyfriend treats her like crap...but she stays in the relationship and she doesn't speak up for herself...my only advice I can give is for her to stand up for herself if she doesn't like something...

If she did, I think her relationship would be much healthier.

 

well she can insist on working on the relationship asll she wants ifg hes not willing to work on it too nothing will happen
shes gotta back up her desire to fix things with a willingness to end things if she cant get him to make equal effort

 

Yeah it can be hard watching a friend you care about getting shat on by her partner. And yes it would be a good thing for her to say to her bf 'this is how I want to be treated, if you treat me like [x] it makes me feel such-and-such, and that's not acceptable.' I hope she does stand up to him.

However if it's a physically or psychologically abusive relationship it can be harder for the woman to just stand up and say that. Women with no power in their relationships can be totally dependent on their partner, the bf holds the purse strings, makes all the decisions, erodes the woman's sense of identity and self esteem, threatens to take children away... it's a slippery slope.

So I hate it when people say women in abusive relationships should just leave/stand up for themselves/are weak. Not that I think that's what you're saying, Annie, but I guess there are lots of complicated reasons women stay in relationships that are a bit crap.

 

I understand what you're saying...I was in an abusive relationship, I know how it goes.

But I did end up standing up for myself and I got out of it after a year and a half. Hell yeah, it was hard! But if we as women, stand up for yourself RIGHT OFF...it never gets to that point. That's how I foresee my friend's relationship going...the abusive route...and I think if she stands up now and he sees he can't fuck with her, well, then...it never gets to that point...I guess that's how I feel about it. BEFORE that CONTROL starts.

 

Good on you for getting out of that relationship, it must have been really hard.

Do you think that if this boyfriend of your friend has the potential to become abusive that your friend should not only stand up for herself but stand up and walk the fuck outa there? Like, now? I agree that women have to stand up for themselves early on or the guy might just think he can treat her like shit all the time, but there's a difference between, say, demanding that he doesn't leave a wet towel on the floor and demanding that he doesn't punch holes in the wall.

I guess some girls also are trying not to nag, trying to be cool with everything and that can encourage disrespectful or abusive behavior to develop, but if you're treating your woman like that in the first place you're an asshole, so why waste time trying to train him?

Well, I don't really have any advice, sorry, just a wee rant. Try to support your friend and get her to believe that she deserves better.

Love your sig, I just watched 'Juno' last night, lmao!

 

I think in general people have a desire to make sacrifices to make a relationship work. There is an idea that we should all have to make changes to the things we do in our lives, in order to keep the person of our affection interested.

Although we can be mistreated, I think people overall just want to be able to give something of themselves to put into the relationship and let the other person understand how much they care by doing it, and making it known that the effort is how a relationship starts to change.

*thinks more*

 

Argon's got a good point about trying to change the person you're with, it won't work. Not taking someone's shit and having them respect you for it is different from being manipulative and trying to change a person's behavior by using emotional pressure, withholding sex or whatever. Good relationships are based on open communication and honesty... Annie your friend needs to talk to her bf, if he can't respect her enough to listen and be open too then it's not gonna work

 

Standing up for yourself in a relationship seems a very good solution. But many women probably fear fighting with their partner... what if they lose him because of this?

 

If a guy breaks up with a girl because she is standing up for herself, then that's HIS loss...

Sorry, I don't want a guy to go along with everything I say...I've ended relationships because of this in the past. I would RATHER have my partner stand up for what he believes in. Relationships aren't just following the other person like a lost puppy dog...it's about equality, it's about partnership...it's about working TOGETHER...

THAT'S a healthy relationship.

 

well, men do change. my husband used to have temper tantrums. it was bizarre. i was used to much worse form my family, and he was never angry with ME. that's totally settled down. and i never nag or bitch. he'll even tell you so. it's just not my nature. he nags and bitches way more than i do. i think it's because i was raised in a heavily masculine family, and he was raised surrounded by women. yeah, he's got the full man's man appeal, but if i get geniunely pissed off he knows better than to disregard it.

i think there's a definite problem with societal influences on sex based behaviors.

but either way, don't think you can change your partner. you may each grow up some more, but basic troubles don't just go away. decide whether you can live with it or not. but it's not going to change.

 

I think so too, what's important it's to try and keep things balanced.