You Might Be Giving Pagans A Bad Name If...

1. You insist that your boss call you "Rowan Starchild" becasue otherwise you'd sue for religious harrassment. (Score double if you don't let that patronizing bastard call you "Mr. or Ms. Starchild".)
   
   You've ever confused the Prime Directive with the Wiccan Rede.
   
   You've ever cast a spell with twenty-sided dice.
   
   You said it was bigotry when they didn't let you do that ritual in front of city hall--it had nothing to do with the skyclad bit!
   
   You picketed The Craft and Hocus Pocus, but thought that the losers who picketed The Last Temptation of Christ needed to get lives.
   
   You've ever publicly claimed to be an elf, alien, vampire, faerie, or demigod, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone took you seriously.
   
   You've ever publicly claimed to be the reincarnation of Gardner, Merlin, Aleister Crowley, King Arthur, Cleopatra, Morgana Le Fay, or Jim Henson, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone took you seriously.
   
   You've suddenly realized in the middle of a ritual that you weren't playing D&D.
   
   You've failed to realize at any point in the ritual that you weren't playing D&D.
   
   You've suddenly realized that you are playing D&D.
   
   Your Book of Shadows is a rulebook for Vampire: The Masquerade with notes in the margins.
   
   You've ever effected an Irish or Scottish accent and insisted it was real.
   
   You talk to your invisible guardians in public. (Score double if you save places for them in crowded restaurants.) (Score triple if you admit to having sex with them.)
   
   You've ever claimed to have met the Vampire Lestat or Dracula. (Score double if you got into a fight and escaped.) (Score triple if it was no contest.)
   
   You own a ceremonial bong.
   
   You've ever tried something you saw on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Charmed, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
   
   You've ever had to go along with someone's ludicrous story because it was twice as likely to be true than most of the crap you spout.
   
   You expect your employer to exempt you from the random drug testing because of your religion.
   
   You've won an argument by referencing Drawing Down the Moon, knowing damned good and well that they haven't read it either!
   
   You've ever referenced the Great Rite in a pick-up line.
   
   Someone has had to point out to you that you do not enter a circle "in perfect love and perfect lust". (Score double if you argued the point.)
   
   You claim to be a famtrad (hereditary witch), but you're not. (Score double if you had to tell people you were adopted to pull this off.)
   
   You claim to be a descendent of one of the original Salem Witches. (Score to a lethal degree if you don't get this.)
   
   Someone once lost their boat delivering your ritual incense from Mexico.
   
   You've ever used tongue delivering the Fivefold Kiss. (Score double if you did it more than once.)
   
   You've ever used reincarnation as the intro for a pick-up line. (You may deduct this point if it worked.)
   
   You think it's perfectly reasonable to insist that, since every tradition is different and no one tradition is right, there's no reason not to do things your way.
   
   You request Samhain, Beltane, and Yule off and then bitch about working Christmas.
   
   The main thing that drew you to Paganism was the potential to dance with naked members of the opposite sex.
   
   You strip in an all-nude revue club under your Craft name, and consider it highly appropriate.
   
   You've ever been psychically attacked by someone who conveniently held a coven position you crave, and suddenly had a glimpse into their mind so you could see how evil they were.
   
   You've ever achieved position or influence in a coven by sleeping with half the members.
   
   You claim to be a great witch because you were trained early by the wise and powerful so-and-so. Of whom nobody has heard.
   
   You complain about how much the Native Americans copied from Eclectic Wiccan rites.
   
   You're not a hereditary witch but you have a good disposition to it because your ancestors (the ones before your Okie parents) were Native American or Irish.
   
   You don't know the difference between Irish and Scottish, and alternatively claim to be both.
   
   You think it's your Pagan Duty to support the IRA, not because of any political beliefs you might share, but because, dammit, they're Irish.
   
   You think the number of Wiccan books you own is far more important than the number you have read, regardless of the fact that most of your books are for beginners.
   
   You hang out with people who match at least 15 of these traits.
   
   

 

*slinks guiltily out of the room*

 

You turn down a perfectly good job because you can't take your familiar into work with you.

You walk around with a leather holster containing a wooden stick.

You carry a pouch of acorns and throw them at people you don't like in hopes of those people turning into stone.

You take notes during Charmed and consider yourself an authority on witchcraft.

You take your Dr. of Divinity from www.ulc.org seriously.

You wear all black clothing and watch Manson videos and the Matrix for fashion tips while wearing your big shiny pentagram and spouting off random lines from the Quaballa without knowing how to even read Hebrew.

You don't eat meat because you love all living things, but your knee-high black leather boots are too precious to give up... besides... you got those when you were an atheist.

You keep tarot cards on you and attempt to play solitare with them in the back of class.

You think that it's fun to be Wiccan because it scares Christians and cheerleaders.

You own 5 different brooms and use none of them in your house.

You have a tattoo of a lightning bolt scar on your forehead.

You get surprised when other people don't find your reptillian familiar to be the glorious symbol of power and enlightenment that you do.

Yeah... that's about it for now...

 

that, my friend, is the best list ever.

thanks for adding!

 

lol, those were both really funny!

 

*has done 17 of these things (on both lists)* most of then as practical jokes...but I did attempt the pick-up lines for real...
Here's one... (that me and two pagan friends did)

Two of your pagan friends and you go to a Xtian church, you don't enter but stand in the middle of the crowd while your friends walk around for a while, then come back and kneel before you and say loudly, "My Lady/Lord, their are many virgins here. What shalt we do with them?" And you say loudly, "Show me a virgin, and I'll deal with them." They then procede to grab someone who might be a virgin from the crowd and drag them outside. (This helps if the random person is a xtian or pagan friend) (score if you were kicked out)

 

Oh leki thats so funny...i have a confession though i once went to a teenagers christian disco is was so funny. I went because i was in a first aid organisation and we where asked to attend incase someone hurt themselves, yeah right. this band come on stange and sung these weird songs about how jesus loves you. all the kids where high on jesus love lol. and this guy on stage said something that really pissed me off. He said that he used to be a heroin user, and one day decided that he didn't want it anymore, he said he was on a £1000 habbit. So he decided he didn't want to use it no more and prayed that night for jesus to help him. he said he went to bed and when he woke up he was clean and didn't need it anymore. I couldn't help myself shouting out "bollocks" really loud. The sad part is i got kicked out and banned for life lol. But i had a friend who was in the process of getting clean and it upset me when he said all it took was a prayer. when all it took my friend was 4 months of hell for him and his family....and the music sucked ass too.

 

My ex's band were asked to play at a church hall for something (cant remember what) and were told they wern't allowed to play any songs about Satan etc. And what were the first 2 songs they played? The Four Horsemen by Metallica and Prince of Darkness by Megadeth. I couldn't help but laugh

 

i know some ppl that are all about the d20 , but they dont know much of wicca , so their spells dont come back 3 fold untill they loose all their hit points and have to make a new character . new to this whole thing ..... my boyfriend cracked up at the Dungeons and Dragons refernce ...that is his thing .. thanks for the great post keep it up Bestlines ever of Hippy.com

Quote from post: bad name if ....:
You've ever cast a spell with twenty-sided dice.

You've suddenly realized in the middle of a ritual that you weren't playing D&D.

You've failed to realize at any point in the ritual that you weren't playing D&D.

You've suddenly realized that you are playing D&D

 

I have met a few of these!!! :witch2: :skull: :witch2:

 

A couple of my neighbors knew that my husband and I are pagan (one of them used to be a Deacon in a Baptist church before he moved to our neighborhood) but they were all accepting of us, one of the neighbors was an Atheist. Anyway, I used to mess with them all the time. The Baptist saw a little wodden puppet my husband made for our daughter...he found a little piece of wood with a protrusion that looked like a nose, so he found or cut more pieces and made a little man.

Anyway, the Baptist saw it and said "what is that?" I told him we were making VooDoo dolls of all the neighbors just in case they pissed us off. lol And the Atheist was messing with me once (in a friendly way) and I said "why are you picking t me today?" He said because he lives across the street and can escape me, but my husband can't. So he was picking on me as a proxy for my husband. lol I told him "yeah, but my spells can reach across the street!"

 

hahaha there is nothing funnier than making light of bane work Hahahaha Playing up to sterotypes is sooo funny! Why be serious right? :wank:

Let me guess...you are a wiccan?